Blame A Lack Of Concentration

| Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It’s brown.”

Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

In George We Trust

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

Never Send A Man…Period

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

Carrying A Lot Of Baggage

| Kirkland, WA, US | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “What kind of bag would you like?”

Customer: *without hesitation* “A hot blonde with blue eyes, 6 feet tall, smart, and successful.”

Me: “Me and you both, buddy. But you’re in luck, as it just so happens our bags are tan and blue. Will that be okay?”

Customer: “That’s fine. It’s better than what I have back at home.”

Buffalos In The Mist

| Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for some cheese, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

Me: “Well, we carry over 100 different kinds of cheese. Is there anything that you know about it?”

Customer: “It’s a type of Parmesan cheese, and I think it was made from gorilla milk.”

Me: “Gorilla? Uh, do you mean buffalo?”

Customer: “They’re the same thing!”

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