Penny For Your Thoughtlessness

| Westchester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(I am working as a cashier at a gourmet food store. A lady walks up with one item and a giant jar full of pennies. I ring her up.)

Me: “That will be three dollars ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

(She puts the jar down on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, what is the jar for?”

Customer: “It’s how I’m paying. Are you blind?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, do you have any cash?”

Customer: “No I don’t! I’m just paying in pennies for the fun of it. Get counting!”

(She proceeds to dump the pennies onto the counter. I finish counting out the 300 pennies.)

Customer: “Could you have taken any longer?”

(She storms off. The next customer walks up with just one item.)

Customer #2: *without missing a beat* “I know this is going to be $5.01. Can you spare a penny?”

Throw In A Chilean For Some Kick

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Uncategorized

(There is a customer in the refrigerated dairy section, looking lost.)

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: *grabs my arm* “Oh, yes! I’m looking for cheese.”

Me: “Well, it would be in this aisle. What kind of cheese?”

Customer: “You know, it’s white, and has little green flecks of Filipino.”

Me: “Uhm, I don’t think we have that. Do you mean jalapeño?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it!”

Dog Gone Crazy

| North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

Customer: “Where is chili?”

Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

Customer: “Is chili in can?”

(I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”

Not Being Paid To Navel Gaze

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(My customer is an old friend I have not seen since high school.)

Customer: *showing off her belly* “Seven months! The baby kicks sometimes, do you want to feel?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I finish with my customer, and move on to the next customer in line, an older man.)

Customer: *rubbing his belly and grinning* “Mine growls sometimes! Wanna feel mine too?”

Knocked It Before He Thai’d It

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(Our store has a hot lunch station, which includes soup made in house.)

Customer: “Is there a schedule for the soups? Like, is it the same thing week after week?”

Me: “It is right here.” *pointing to this month’s soup menu*

Customer: “It seems like the soups lately have all been kind of, well, leftish fringe. All red lentils and stuff.”

(He scrutinizes the menu, muttering to himself.)

Customer: “Ha! ‘German Sausage and Potato’. That’s normal. Who knows what the h*** is in ‘Thai Curry’."

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