Not Quite Streets Ahead

| USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I am checking out a customer and taking their details.)

Me: “Ma’am, what is your street name?”

Customer: “I don’t really have one of those. I usually just go by Shanice.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I meant the street name where you live.”

Customer: “Oh, I knew that!”

Source: Pope Michael

Don’t Take Customers At Face Value

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “You look like a serial killer!”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yeah, you look exactly like you’ve killed a someone, then locked them in your basement. But maybe that’s just the kind of person you look like. I don’t know, I’m not here to judge.”

Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Religion, Uncategorized

Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”

Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus our savior!”

Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”

Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”

Now We Know Why Bob Retired

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Your total comes to $15.49.”

Customer: “Don’t I get a discount?”

Me: “Are you in the military or a member of our frequent shopper club?”

Customer: “I’m in the club. I shop here all the time.”

Me: “Great! I should be able to find you in our database and apply your discount. What is your last name?”

Customer: “Well I’m not in your computer but I know I get a discount. I shop here all the time and I’m a senior citizen.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a senior discount, but I’d be happy to help you join our frequent shopper club.”

Customer: “You don’t have a senior discount?!” *she turns to an older couple in line behind her* “Did you hear that? These
people don’t respect the seniors in this community! This is outrageous! I shop here all the time. I’m a senior. I should get a discount. Let me talk to Bob!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, Bob retired 4 years ago.”

Customer: “Okay, well then I need to speak with Claudia. She and I are very close.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with a Claudia.”

Customer: “Well, you need to ask someone who’s not new.”

Me: “Well, I’ve been here three years, but let me check.”

(I call my manager, who’s been here forever.)

Me: "I’m sorry ma’am, but I just spoke with my manager, and she said that Claudia passed away in 2005."

Customer: “She’s dead?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, do I get a discount? I shop here all the time!”

Trying To Re-Coup Losses

| Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

Me: “That’ll be [price]."

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

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