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    The Spite At The End Of The Tunnel

    | Virginia, USA | Top

    (I’ve had a migraine all day on the job at the grocery store. I am making a valiant effort to fake it just a little longer, when…)

    Customer: “You look too happy.”

    Me: “Well, I’m–”

    Customer: “I can fix that.”

    (The customer proceeds to pull out something from her purse and shine a very bright light in my eyes. I take several steps back in pain.)

    Customer: “There! I told you we could fix that!”

    Always Right, Even When Devouring Your Mortal Soul

    | Lynnwood, WA, USA |

    (A teenage customer comes up to my checkout with a bag of chips.)

    Customer: “This job must suck, am I right?”

    Me: “It’s ok. It’s not horrible. I get paid to tell people how much to pay and sit around most the time. It’s pretty slow this time of day.”

    Customer: “You should get out of here and go to college! Get an education!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m already in college. This job and one other is paying for me to go to college, as well as my rent.”

    Customer: “Hey! The customer is always right! You can’t correct me! And if I didn’t eat junk food, then I would eat your soul! How much for this?”

    Me: “$1.08, sir.”

    Customer: *pays and leaves*

    Coworker, to me: “Did he just say he was going to eat your soul?”

    Lacking The Most Important Sense Of All: Common

    | Sugar Land, TX, USA | Top

    (At my store, we have several baggers that are deaf. On this day, one of them was bagging for me and I was running a register.)

    Customer: *to bagger* “Excuse me, where is the mens’ room?”

    Bagger: *motions that he is deaf and cannot hear him*

    Customer: “I SAID where is the mens’ room?!”

    Bagger: *points to the sign on his nametag stating he is deaf*

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to tell me where the mens’ room is?!”

    Me: “Sir, he can’t hear you; he’s deaf.”

    Customer: “Why is he so f***ing rude? I asked him a question; he could just TELL me he’s deaf.”

    Me: “Sir, the mens’ room is over there.” *points*

    Customer: *to bagger* “You should’ve told me you’re deaf. It’s rude to not answer people like that.”

    Me: *signs to bagger to tell him what the customer said*

    Bagger: *signs back, “What an idiot!”*

    Seriously, Folks, No More Cuts To Education

    | Temple Terrace, FL, USA |

    (A customer walks up to me for assistance while I’m in aisle 14 of the grocery store.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I need to find bread crumbs.”

    Me: “Okay, well there are some on aisle 7 and also some in the bakery. Would you like me to show you?”

    Customer: “No, I’ll go find it. Is aisle 7 above or below aisle 14? I’m not real good at math.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I better show you where it is…”

    Becoming Familiar With Fiber

    | Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (My dad was standing in an express line at the grocery store. In front of him was a well-to-do-looking woman, who clearly had several more items than the limit.)

    Dad: “You know, it’s amazing that someone who is apparently so successful can’t read.”

    Woman: *in a huff* “That sign’s for regular people, not for me!”

    (An old man behind my dad taps him on the shoulder.)

    Old man: “Here, give her this.”

    (My dad hands it to the woman.)

    Woman: “What’s this?”

    Old man: “Metamucil. It’ll make you regular.”


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