Trying To Re-Coup Losses

| Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

(An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

Me: “That’ll be [price]."

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

Tip Top

| Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

(I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

Me: "Did you need anything else?"

Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

(She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

Me: "No, I really–"

Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

(She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

(There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

| Norway | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(The chain we are a part of has a free coffee/warm beverage deal if you buy a cup with their brand, new each year of course. A customer comes to cash registry with smoking hot cup of warm coffee and a candy bar. The cup clearly states it is from 2005.)

Me: “That’s [price] sir.”

Customer: *shouting* “What?! For one lousy candy bar? Are you insane?”

Me: “No sir, that’s for the candy bar, and for the hot beverage.”

Customer: “This is a brand new cup! I bought it last week. Don’t try to rip me off!”

(I point out the 2005 and he stares blankly at me for a second.)

Customer: “But I have a gold card! I’m entitled to coffee all year long!”

Me: “No, sir, you’re entitled to one cup. If you lose the cup, or fail to bring it, then you must pay for it.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for things that I buy!”

These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

| Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

(We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

Don’t Ask Her What Size She’d Like

| California, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(I am ringing up a customer. She has bought one large jug of ice-cream, a bag of chips, and dip.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Just fine…. just fine.”

(I notice she’s looking me over up and down, but I try to ignore it.)

Customer: “How are you so skinny?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “How are you skinnier than me? It’s so unhealthy!”

Me: “Uh, well I’m normally like this. I exercise, and I try to stay fit.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re saying I’m not!? I can’t believe this. Just because I’m buying ice-cream and chips, doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy!”

Me: “I know it doesn’t ma’am. I eat ice-cream too.”

Customer: “Wait, you do?”

Me: “All the time, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh… no wonder why you’re more bigger than me. You should take care of yourself more.”

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