November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Please, Say No More

| Houston, TX, USA | Rude & Risque

(An older man, maybe late 50s with graying hair, approaches my register with a few groceries. Despite his age, he is very absorbed in his cell phone and paying little attention to what is going on around him.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today, sir?”

Customer: *giggles* “I’m doing exceptionally naughty things on my phone right now!”

Me: “Oh, that’s lovely! Do you have any coupons with us today?”

Customer: *leans in and whispers* “In the colloquial, that means I’m sexting!”

Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information
Way Too Much Information
TMI Redux
TMI (Too Much Information)

Water You, Stupid, Part 2

| Feasterville, PA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a floral associate at a grocery store. It’s a very hot day and I am outside watering the outdoor plants we have on sale.)

Customer: *storms up to me* “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?!”

Me: “Excuse me?” *still watering*

Customer: “Are you f***ing stupid or something?”

Me: “No, why would you say that?”

Customer: “You’re watering those things. Only a f***ing idiot would do that!”

Me: “Ma’am, these plants need water. It’s very hot out today and we can’t let them die.”

Customer: “Well, I’m right. You are a f***ing idiot. Everyone knows plants make their own water!”

Me: *speechless*

(The customer then storms off to her car and nearly hits another car in her rush to leave.)

Water You, Stupid

How About A Pound Of Cherries For A Pound Of Money

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

Customer: “How much are the cherries?”

Me: “$3.49 a pound.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, I have a pound. How much is it?”

Me: “$3.49.”

Customer: “Why? Shouldn’t it be less?”

Me: “It’s $3.49 a pound. You have a pound, so it’s $3.49.”

Customer: “No, that doesn’t make sense. Just take them off!”

Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

| California, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am a cashier at a locally owned grocery store that is frequented by families. A dad comes in with two sons. The younger one puts a drink in the front of their order.)

Kid: “Don’t put this in a bag.”

Dad: “Hey! You could at least say ‘please’!”

Kid: “Dad, you don’t say ‘please’ to clerks, only to people! I learned it in my lesson yesterday!”

Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed, Part 2

| Liverpool, NY, USA | At The Checkout

(I work as a cashier in a grocery store. I have a regular customer named Hector. He is eighty-seven years old and he has come to the store every Wednesday for the last three months and will only wait in my line. If my shift hasn’t started yet, he will gather his groceries, including Luanne’s Depends, and wait until my shift starts.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything okay?”

Hector: “H*** no, I did not! I was looking for the damned chainsaw section, but you don’t even have one!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid we don’t sell chainsaws here, this is a grocery store.”

Hector: “That’s not what the dips*** in the booze aisle told me! Jesus, this is the worst store ever!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. But, hey, if you’re about to blow a gasket, we do have Depends, if you’re interested. They’re on sale right now.”

Hector: “S***! I forgot to get Luanne’s Depends! She won’t do the nasty with me if I forget them! Thanks, little lady!”

Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed