• Gloating About Gluten
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!


    | Peotone, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Which is the better of these two cake mix brands?”

    Me: “Well, both are on sale. One does contain more trans-fats, though.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll go with this one. I’d rather use shortening than a stick of butter. Don’t want all of them…uh…transvestites.”

    Buying Bread Costs You Dough

    | Hull, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “I’m sorry, the bread isn’t scanning on to the till. I will just go and check the price on the shelf.”

    Customer: “When I was a boy like you, I used to work everything out in my head. None of this till business.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t seem to find where you got that particular type of bread from. May I ask where you took it from?”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. Is your manager here?”

    Me: “She leaves me in the shop on Sundays. Did you get the bread from here?”

    Customer: “No. I got it from the supermarket.”

    Me: “So, you’ve already paid for it at another shop, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry. My brain isn’t what it used to be.”

    Me: “That’s why I use a till, sir.”

    The Devil To Pay, Part 2

    | TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Alright. Your total is $23.34.”

    (The customer hands me $30.)

    Me: “Alright. Your change is $6.66.”

    Customer: “That’s the devil’s number. I don’t want my change. It’s been tainted by Lucifer.”

    Me: “Will it help if I give you an extra penny, or one less?”

    Customer: “I don’t want it! The devil’s already marching through the stores.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s just six dollars and some change. If you want, you can buy a pack of gum and it’ll be a dollar less.”

    Customer: “That’s just Satan’s way of entering my body because I didn’t heed God’s word!”

    (The customer gets on her knees and begins to scream, cry, and pray. My manager comes up as I’m not able to check anyone else out. Everyone else has gone to another checkout because she’s frightened other customers.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, you’re upsetting people. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Your cashier is touched by Lucifer himself! She needs to be baptized in the holy waters.”

    Manager: *giving up* “Don’t worry, we have the priests come in every Sunday to bless our shipments.”

    Customer: “Oh, well. That’s the Christian thing to do.”

    (The customer gets up and takes her groceries. She refuses to take her money. The manager just tells me to keep it so my drawer isn’t over.)

    The Devil To Pay

    True Exits Are On The Way Out

    | PEI, Canada | Uncategorized

    (We are a very small store, and only have one entrance/exit door. A visitor from a larger city, is standing in the middle of the store, looking lost.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where is your exit?”

    Me: “Our exit?”

    Customer: “Yes, I came in that door, but I can’t find your exit.”

    Me: “We only have one door.”

    Customer: “One door? How strange!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 7

    | WV, USA | Uncategorized

    (A young man and two young women approach the lane with several bottles of wine. They are carded. The man is old enough to buy, but the girls aren’t.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell to you.”

    Customer: “Why not? I’m over 21!”

    Me: “But they’re not.”

    Customer: “They’re not the ones buying. I am!”

    Me: “Then why did you bring them in with you?”

    Customer: “Because I didn’t know what kind they liked.”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 6
    No ID, No Idea, Part 5
    No ID, No Idea, Part 4
    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea

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