November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

In Some Cultures, The Conch Is Blown For Good Luck

| Winter Park, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(A lady comes through my checkout line with some frozen conch chowder.)

Me: “I’ve never tried this chowder before. Is it any good?”

Customer: *loudly* “Oh, yes! I just love cock! That’s how you say it, right? Cock?”

Me: “Ma’am, I think its pronounced conch…”

Plan A And Plan B

| Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m a cashier working the night shift. It’s about 9:30 pm when a couple comes to my register.)

Me: “Hey, how are you guys tonight?”

Woman: “We’re just fine, thanks.”

(I start ringing up their things.)

Man: “We’re also gonna need–”

Man and woman: *glance at each other* “A pregnancy test.”

Man: “Also, the two pack deal on [cigarettes].”

(Thinking I’ve misheard the last part, I go get the test, ring it through, and finish ringing up their groceries.)

Woman: “Oh, you forgot the [cigarettes].”

Me: “Right. The cigarettes. Well, here you go.”

Please, Say No More

| Houston, TX, USA | Rude & Risque

(An older man, maybe late 50s with graying hair, approaches my register with a few groceries. Despite his age, he is very absorbed in his cell phone and paying little attention to what is going on around him.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today, sir?”

Customer: *giggles* “I’m doing exceptionally naughty things on my phone right now!”

Me: “Oh, that’s lovely! Do you have any coupons with us today?”

Customer: *leans in and whispers* “In the colloquial, that means I’m sexting!”

Too Much Information, Part 6
Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information
Way Too Much Information
TMI Redux
TMI (Too Much Information)

Water You, Stupid, Part 2

| Feasterville, PA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a floral associate at a grocery store. It’s a very hot day and I am outside watering the outdoor plants we have on sale.)

Customer: *storms up to me* “What the f*** do you think you’re doing?!”

Me: “Excuse me?” *still watering*

Customer: “Are you f***ing stupid or something?”

Me: “No, why would you say that?”

Customer: “You’re watering those things. Only a f***ing idiot would do that!”

Me: “Ma’am, these plants need water. It’s very hot out today and we can’t let them die.”

Customer: “Well, I’m right. You are a f***ing idiot. Everyone knows plants make their own water!”

Me: *speechless*

(The customer then storms off to her car and nearly hits another car in her rush to leave.)

Water You, Stupid

How About A Pound Of Cherries For A Pound Of Money

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

Customer: “How much are the cherries?”

Me: “$3.49 a pound.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, I have a pound. How much is it?”

Me: “$3.49.”

Customer: “Why? Shouldn’t it be less?”

Me: “It’s $3.49 a pound. You have a pound, so it’s $3.49.”

Customer: “No, that doesn’t make sense. Just take them off!”