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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Should Have Heard It From The Grape Vine

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work the register and a young customer puts her stuff onto the belt.)

    Me: “How are you doing today?”

    Customer: “Good, just buying stuff for my culinary class.”

    (I notice she has cooking wine, which requires a person to be 21 to buy.)

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “You have to be 21 to purchase the cooking wine.”

    Customer: “You mean cooking wine is actually wine?”

    Love A Jedi Shall Know

    | Austin, TX, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (I was at work and I saw two girls from my college I knew as acquaintances, but not as much more than that. I had a crush on one of them as she was really pretty and seemed nice for the most part. I watched as she and her friend approached the register.)

    My Crush: “No, you’re wrong! I’m telling you, he never said that!”

    (I assumed they were gossiping about something until I listened a little more to the conversation.)

    Her Friend: “No, he did! He totally did! We watched it last night, stupid!”

    My Crush: “Obi-Wan never says, ‘I love you, Anakin’. The line is ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!’.”

    Her Friend: “No!”

    My Crush: *turns to me* “Oh hey [my name]! What’s up?”

    Me: “Not much. I’m good. And you’re right; Obi-Wan’s line was ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you’.”

    My Crush: “Oh, my God, thank you!” *turns to her friend* “And you call yourself a Star Wars fan.”

    (Her friend scowled, but they paid and said goodbye. I watched as they got to the automatic doors. Her friend pretended to use ‘The Force’ on them. Suddenly, my crush jumped in front of her.)

    My Crush: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

    (I walked over and asked her out. We got married a month ago.)

    Margarinelly Insane

    | Surrey, UK | Uncategorized

    Old Lady: *shouting randomly* “Marge? Marge?”

    Me: “Are you OK?”

    Old Lady: *worriedly* “I can’t find Marge!”

    Me: “OK, I’ll see if I can find someone to help you.”

    Old Lady: “Please don’t go, you must help me find Marge!”

    Me: “OK, what does she look like?”

    Old Lady: “Who?”

    Me: “Your friend Marge?”

    Old Lady: “I’m looking for margarine, it should be next to the butter!”

    The Lesser Of Teen Evils

    | North Carolina, USA | Top

    (A man and his two sons are checking out through my register. The younger of the two sons grabs a bag of Skittles from the candy selection.)

    Son: “Dad, can I have some Skittles?”

    Dad: “No. Teenage girls eat Skittles. And what are teenage girls?”

    Both sons: *raising their little fists in the air* “EVIL!”

    A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

    (I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

    Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

    Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

    Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

    (I tap him on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

    Customer: “W-what?”

    Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

    (The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

    Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

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    A Poser By Any Other Name

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