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  • Now We Know Why Bob Retired

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.49.”

    Customer: “Don’t I get a discount?”

    Me: “Are you in the military or a member of our frequent shopper club?”

    Customer: “I’m in the club. I shop here all the time.”

    Me: “Great! I should be able to find you in our database and apply your discount. What is your last name?”

    Customer: “Well I’m not in your computer but I know I get a discount. I shop here all the time and I’m a senior citizen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a senior discount, but I’d be happy to help you join our frequent shopper club.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a senior discount?!” *she turns to an older couple in line behind her* “Did you hear that? These
    people don’t respect the seniors in this community! This is outrageous! I shop here all the time. I’m a senior. I should get a discount. Let me talk to Bob!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, Bob retired 4 years ago.”

    Customer: “Okay, well then I need to speak with Claudia. She and I are very close.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with a Claudia.”

    Customer: “Well, you need to ask someone who’s not new.”

    Me: “Well, I’ve been here three years, but let me check.”

    (I call my manager, who’s been here forever.)

    Me: "I’m sorry ma’am, but I just spoke with my manager, and she said that Claudia passed away in 2005."

    Customer: “She’s dead?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, do I get a discount? I shop here all the time!”

    Trying To Re-Coup Losses

    | Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

    (An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price]."

    Customer: “Why is it so much?”

    Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

    Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

    Tip Top

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    (I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

    Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

    Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

    (I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

    Me: "Did you need anything else?"

    Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

    (She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

    Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

    Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

    Me: "No, I really–"

    Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

    (She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

    Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

    (There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

    One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

    The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

    | Norway | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

    (The chain we are a part of has a free coffee/warm beverage deal if you buy a cup with their brand, new each year of course. A customer comes to cash registry with smoking hot cup of warm coffee and a candy bar. The cup clearly states it is from 2005.)

    Me: “That’s [price] sir.”

    Customer: *shouting* “What?! For one lousy candy bar? Are you insane?”

    Me: “No sir, that’s for the candy bar, and for the hot beverage.”

    Customer: “This is a brand new cup! I bought it last week. Don’t try to rip me off!”

    (I point out the 2005 and he stares blankly at me for a second.)

    Customer: “But I have a gold card! I’m entitled to coffee all year long!”

    Me: “No, sir, you’re entitled to one cup. If you lose the cup, or fail to bring it, then you must pay for it.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for things that I buy!”

    These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

    | Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

    Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

    Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

    Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

    (We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

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