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  • Pain In The Derrière

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (A customer comes up to me holding a package of Naan bread.)

    Customer: What kind of bread is this?”

    Me: “That’s just plain white naan.”

    Customer: “They forgot the ‘L’.” *points to the words ‘Naan Pain’ on the front of the package*

    Me: “Oh, that’s French for ‘bread’.”

    Customer: “So the flavor isn’t pain?”

    Me: “No, sir, pain isn’t a flavor.”

    The Only Thing It Swallowed Was Her Pride

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Oh miss, I have a problem.”

    Me: “What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “The ATM took my card. It says here though that its invalid, and my card is out of date, so maybe that’s why.”

    (I get the keys to the ATM and open it up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but your card is not in there. Are you sure it took it?”

    Customer: “No, it did, it did! *pulls out an ATM card* “It looks like this! Oh wait…this is my card. Never mind.”

    Aisle Be Watching You

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Top

    (I’ve misunderstood a question and directed the customer to the wrong aisle. I’m trying to tell her the correct aisle.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I thought you meant something else. What you’re looking for is actually down aisle 8. It’s the last item on the right.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you, and I’m too tired to look for it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can verify that it is in aisle 8. There is a display a few feet away so you won’t have to walk all the way down there.”

    Customer: “What is the store phone number?”

    (The customer dials the store number with the phone in front of me. It’s on speaker phone so I hear ringing on her end and then ringing on my phone. I pick up the phone and look right at the customer standing no more than a foot away from me.)

    Me: “Hello [store name].”

    Customer: “Yes, hi. I have a question about a product you sell. What aisle is [product] down?”

    Me: “Aisle 8. Last item on the right.”

    Customer: “Thank you.” *hangs up, looks at me* “At least she knew what she was talking about!”

    Lost In Time And Retail Space

    | Billings, MT, USA | Top

    (I’ve worked in the store for over a year. There is also a small pin on my badge saying ‘serving you since 2008’.)

    Customer: “Hi! Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

    Me: “Actually, no, I’ve worked here for a year and a half.”

    Customer: “No way! I shop here everyday! I’ve never seen you!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that I’ve worked here for that long. Look at my name badge.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re a liar! It says you’ve been here since 2008!”

    Me: “I have.”

    Customer: “Who did you steal that pin from?”

    Me: “It’s mine.”

    (My manager comes over.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “This girl is a liar! She’s says she worked here since 2008!”

    Manager: “She has.”

    Customer: “2008 hasn’t even happened yet!”

    Pajama Drama

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I am a customer at a 24-hour store at about 3am. I noticed that the store uses the same system at my own store. Since the cashier is new to his job, I am teaching him how to put in coupons when another customer comes up.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Cashier: “Yes? Did you need something?”

    Customer: “No, her.” *points to me*

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “You’re using the till!”

    Me: “I work at a different grocery store. I’m just helping him out.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe they let you work here in pajamas!”

    Me: “I’m not working right now.”

    Customer: “Where is your manager?”

    Cashier: “He’s asleep.”

    Customer: “So what you guys do is wear pajamas and take naps when there are no customers?”

    Me: “Well, of course.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay!”

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