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    Why Cashiers Should Rule The World

    | Arlington, VA, USAArlington, VA, USA | Top

    (I’m a customer in the check out line. I’m buying a box of tampons for my mom, who is bedridden after surgery. One of the two customers standing behind me in line speaks up.)

    Other customer: “Ha-ha what a p****. He’s buying tampons.”

    (I ignore the two and move forwards to the cashier. She’s an attractive girl of about 20 years old.)

    Cashier: “$5.71 after the discount.”

    (I have no idea what discount she’s talking about, but I pay her and get my change.)

    Cashier: *with a smile on her face* “Here you go baby, I’m taking my break now and I’ll see you at home at 8. Just leave the tampons in my car, please.”

    (She leans over the counter and kisses me on the cheek. She then turns the light off on the register number and walks off towards the other side of the store. The two customers watched her with their jaws open and angrily walk off to another register.)

    Related:
    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2

    Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

    Compared To Some Customers, Yes

    | O'Fallon, MI, USA |

    (A customer is using the self checkout. Her total is $1.52.)

    Customer: “I still owe 52 cents, but all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I put a dollar bill in, but I still owe 52 cents and all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “That’s fine. You can just put the ten in and it will give you the difference back.”

    Customer: “Really? The machine is that smart?”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item

    | Redlands, CA, USA | Top

    (A mother approaches me with her daughter.)

    Customer: “I’m hosting some of my daughters friends for the night and I couldn’t find your condoms.” *puts her hand on her daughter’s head* “Lucy is turning 13.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, condoms! Ketchup and mustard. We’re having a BBQ. It’s simple. Where are they?”

    Me: “Oh! Condiments.”

    Customer: “Yes, condoms. Where are they?”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    On Sale: Humble Pie

    | Nova Scotia, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, how are you today? I see you have picked out a lot of our sale items today.”

    Customer: “Yes I did! I think these sales are great!”

    (I smile as I continue ringing in her items.)

    Customer: “Um, this cereal is $1.99, not $2.99.”

    Me: “It says right here that this cereal is $2.99. You must just be mistaken with another brand. It can get pretty confusing sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, that cereal is $1.99! You’re wrong! I know it is, I saw it like that on the shelf!”

    Me: “My apologies, the sign must be for another product. I will call someone to go check–”

    Customer: “No! The sign said that this cereal is 1.99! I will go and get it myself for you then!”

    Me: “It’s alright, I can just get one of our employees to go and check that for you, there is no need–”

    Customer: “I WILL SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT!”

    (The customer storms away, leaving me at the speedy checkout with a line of 10 people. She soon returns looking flustered.)

    Customer: “Debit, please.”

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

    | Bethesda, MD, USA |

    Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, no, I don’t. Do I not get a discount?”

    Me: “Of course you still can! What’s your phone number?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “Seventeen.”

    Customer: “You’re not even legal! I can’t do that.”

    Me: “Uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *tells me his phone number* “…but don’t call me after 5. That’s when my wife gets home.”

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