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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • English Is Going Down (Under)

    | Melbourne, Australia | Language & Words

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Customer: “What country are you from?”

    Me: “England.”

    Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”

    Homeless Meets Thoughtless

    | Dalton, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A woman comes up to me while I’m taking down the dried out, bad corn from the display.)

    Customer: "You just throw those away?"

    Me: "Yep, we have to throw out the bad ones."

    Customer: "You mean they don’t donate it to the poor or anything?"

    Me: "Well, no. Our store does donate to the unfortunate, but it’s usually money or fresh product."

    Customer: "But poor people are used to eating bad food! They eat out of the trash all the time! You don’t have to give them good food!"

    Cinnamon Never Tasted So Bitter

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I work at a grocery store where our policy is to take a customer to the aisle of the item they are looking for instead of just telling them the aisle number.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me! Where do you keep your cinnamon?”

    Me: “It’s in the baking aisle. If you follow me, I can take you over to the right aisle.”

    Customer: “No. Can’t you just tell me where it is? I’m sick of you people. All I want to do is buy my groceries and you all keep saying hello to me and smiling at me! Where’s the d*** aisle?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, cinnamon is located in aisle 8.”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. You people are too f***ing cheerful. I can’t stand it!”

    Hard Sell, Soft Drinks

    | Los Altos, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any diet soda water?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think that exists.”

    Customer: “Yeah it does. I’ve bought it here before.”

    Me: “Ma’am, diet soda water is pretty much diet water.”

    Customer: “That’s okay too. Do you have that?”

    See No Evil, Speak The Rest

    | USA |

    (An elderly customer is checking out.)

    Customer: “How do I use this card?”

    Me: “All you have to do is slide it through, then push the ‘debit’ button on the left.”

    Customer: ”Thanks. What does ‘PIN’ mean?”

    Me: “Your pin number is the number that goes with your card. You just need to enter it in and hit the green button in the corner.”

    Customer: “Okay, but turn around. I don’t need you stealing my money away.”

    (I think she is joking, but she stares at me until I turn around. She then states each number in her pin out loud as she pushes the buttons.)

    Customer: “You didn’t peek, did you?”

    Related:
    Hear No Evil Get Blinded By No Evil
    See No Evil, Grope No Evil

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