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    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

    | Bethesda, MD, USA |

    Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, no, I don’t. Do I not get a discount?”

    Me: “Of course you still can! What’s your phone number?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “Seventeen.”

    Customer: “You’re not even legal! I can’t do that.”

    Me: “Uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *tells me his phone number* “…but don’t call me after 5. That’s when my wife gets home.”

    Even Rabbits Go Through Bad Patches

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Where can I find your carrot tops?”

    Me: “We don’t sell carrot tops, but you can buy the whole carrot.”

    Customer: “But I need to feed my rabbit her carrot tops!”

    Me: “If people buy carrots would you like me to ask them if they’d like their carrot tops cut off and I can save them for you?”

    Customer: “Oh that’d be lovely! I’ll come back next week after her therapy session. Her therapist thinks she has an anxiety disorder.”

    Not To La-boar The Point

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [store]. What would you like, sir?”

    Customer: “Actually, I have a question. What is ham made of?”

    Me: “It’s made of pigs.”

    Customer: “Pigs? What are pigs made of?”

    Me: “Pigs, the animal.”

    Customer: *confused look*

    Me: “Oink oink.”

    Customer: “Oh! Does that mean it’s not vegan?”

    Cashier Almighty

    | Southlake, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Where’s your peanut butter?”

    Me: “Aisle 5, just past the bread.”

    Customer: “Thanks, man…”

    (20 minutes later, I’m also called up to work as a cashier. The customer comes through my line.)

    Me: “Did you find it alright?”

    Customer: “Weren’t you just over in like… five places?”

    Me: “About there, yeah.”

    Customer: “Are you God?!”

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (At a large chain grocery store, we have run out of room in the back room. We’ve placed five or six pallets of pop up near our exit, and to keep people away from them we have placed caution tape around them. A customer comes up to me as I’m talking to my coworker.)

    Customer: “Get my son down!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer:“My son is climbing on your playground, so make him come down!”

    Me: “Miss, we don’t have a playground! What are you talking about?”

    (The customer leads us to her son who looks to be around five and is playing on the pallets.)

    Customer: “I left him on your playground when I came in, and now he won’t come down!”

    Me: “Please, those are stacks of pop and much too dangerous! You need to get your son down now!”

    Customer: “No! It’s your playground and I don’t want to climb around the rope! You get him!”

    Me, to coworker: “Get the manager.”

    (I go over and after about three or four minutes of bribing him with stickers, I get him to come down. By this time, the manager has arrived.)

    Customer, to manager: “You shouldn’t make your playground so tall!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. We will fix it.”

    Customer: “Hmph! I should hope so!”

    (About an hour later, my manager comes by, gives me a gift card and another roll of caution tape to put up.)

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