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    Compared To Some Customers, Yes

    | O'Fallon, MI, USA |

    (A customer is using the self checkout. Her total is $1.52.)

    Customer: “I still owe 52 cents, but all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I put a dollar bill in, but I still owe 52 cents and all I have is a $10 bill.”

    Me: “That’s fine. You can just put the ten in and it will give you the difference back.”

    Customer: “Really? The machine is that smart?”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item

    | Redlands, CA, USA | Top

    (A mother approaches me with her daughter.)

    Customer: “I’m hosting some of my daughters friends for the night and I couldn’t find your condoms.” *puts her hand on her daughter’s head* “Lucy is turning 13.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, condoms! Ketchup and mustard. We’re having a BBQ. It’s simple. Where are they?”

    Me: “Oh! Condiments.”

    Customer: “Yes, condoms. Where are they?”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    On Sale: Humble Pie

    | Nova Scotia, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, how are you today? I see you have picked out a lot of our sale items today.”

    Customer: “Yes I did! I think these sales are great!”

    (I smile as I continue ringing in her items.)

    Customer: “Um, this cereal is $1.99, not $2.99.”

    Me: “It says right here that this cereal is $2.99. You must just be mistaken with another brand. It can get pretty confusing sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, that cereal is $1.99! You’re wrong! I know it is, I saw it like that on the shelf!”

    Me: “My apologies, the sign must be for another product. I will call someone to go check–”

    Customer: “No! The sign said that this cereal is 1.99! I will go and get it myself for you then!”

    Me: “It’s alright, I can just get one of our employees to go and check that for you, there is no need–”

    Customer: “I WILL SHOW YOU I AM RIGHT!”

    (The customer storms away, leaving me at the speedy checkout with a line of 10 people. She soon returns looking flustered.)

    Customer: “Debit, please.”

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

    | Bethesda, MD, USA |

    Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, no, I don’t. Do I not get a discount?”

    Me: “Of course you still can! What’s your phone number?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “Seventeen.”

    Customer: “You’re not even legal! I can’t do that.”

    Me: “Uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *tells me his phone number* “…but don’t call me after 5. That’s when my wife gets home.”

    Even Rabbits Go Through Bad Patches

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Where can I find your carrot tops?”

    Me: “We don’t sell carrot tops, but you can buy the whole carrot.”

    Customer: “But I need to feed my rabbit her carrot tops!”

    Me: “If people buy carrots would you like me to ask them if they’d like their carrot tops cut off and I can save them for you?”

    Customer: “Oh that’d be lovely! I’ll come back next week after her therapy session. Her therapist thinks she has an anxiety disorder.”

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