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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Stupidity On Tap

    | Durham, NC, USA |

    (I get a phone call at about 8:00pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

    Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

    Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

    Caller: “Oh s***! Umm…OK, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

    Me: “…the keg?”

    Caller: “Yeah.”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “What? Why?!”

    Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”

    Tell Jesus It’s Time To Rise And Shine…Again

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (After each holiday, our store marks down all the related holiday inventory. This particular incident occurred about a week after Easter.)

    Customer: “I was looking for some paper plates to match these napkins with the cute little bunnies and eggs on them.”

    Me: “There weren’t any plates that matched those back there?”

    Customer: “No! It’s ridiculous! I mean, how can you be out of Easter stuff?”

    Me: “Well, Easter was last week. Most of the stuff is gone.”

    Customer: “Do you know when the next shipment of these Easter plates will be?”

    Me: “…next Easter?”

    Customer: “You’re not going to get any new Easter shipments till NEXT Easter?! Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Because…Easter is over? I don’t think we’re expecting anyone to celebrate Easter until it comes around again.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I should be able to celebrate Easter when I want! I’m only buying these so I’m stocked up for next year at a quarter of the price!”

    Me: “…”

    America’s Next Top Model Customer

    | Montreal, Canada |

    (The cashier I was bagging for is a very pretty blonde girl who likes to make herself up, while I’m a fairly plain and simple girl.)

    Customer: *to cashier* “Oh, my, you’re beautiful! You’ll have it made; you’ll have everything you’ll ever wanted. You’ll do well in life.”

    (The customer then looks at me and pauses.)

    Customer: “…you? You’ll do all right…”

    Me: “…”

    Be Prepared… For Some Womanly Advice

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (Note: I’m a teenager and doing Girl Scout fund raising by bagging at a local grocery store. All the other lanes had baggers, leaving me at self-check out. A customer notices me reaching for his items.)

    Customer: “I… uh… please… uh… DON’T!”

    (I notice his purchase consists of condoms, roses, and chocolates.)

    Me: “Oh! So, anniversary, or did you just piss her off?”

    Customer: “The second.”

    Me: “That bad, eh?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and she hasn’t given me any since! What kind of bulls*** is that?”

    Me: “When did this start happening?”

    Customer: “Like a week ago! I don’t even know what I did wrong!”

    Me: “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for these?” *holds up the box of condoms*

    Customer: *sarcastically* “What would a Girl Scout know anyways? Since you’re the expert, why don’t you tell me what to do?”

    (I talk to the guy for around 15 minutes and he leaves. The next week, he comes in while I’m bagging as usual. Without a word, he comes up to me, hands me a $20 bill and leaves without buying anything.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    A Dawning Realization Of One’s Dimness

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    Me: “Okay, that will be $5.93 for the cigarettes.”

    (The customer hands me a five dollar bill, puts the cigarettes in her pocket and starts walking off.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you didn’t give me enough money. You only gave me $5 and the total was $5.93.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I gave you five.” *points at the money*

    Me: “Yes, but the total is five dollars and ninety-three cents.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Yeah, I gave you five dollars!”

    Me: “It’s not enough. I need about a dollar more. Would you like to get something different or cheaper maybe?”

    Customer: “No, I want this one!”

    Me: “Well, I can’t sell these to you when you don’t have enough to pay for it.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I gonna do?”

    Me: “Go home and get more money?”

    (Her expression suddenly brightens.)

    Customer: “Oh! Yeah, okay! I’ll go do that I’ll be right back!” *gives cigarettes back and leaves cheerily*


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