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    Enough To Make You Quai

    | Florida, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I am trying to help a customer with a product while she is talking on the phone to her friend. Every time she asks me a question, she would go back to talking to her friend while I gave her the answer so I would have to repeat myself.)

    Customer: “Do you have something that will help me with my period?”

    Me: “Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “I’m not crying!”

    Me: “No, the product is called Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Stuck In Retail H***

    | Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

    (The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

    Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

    Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

    (I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

    Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Go to h***!”

    Death By A-Salt

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I checked your flyer and it said that [Major Brand] margarine was on sale this week.”

    Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”

    (As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)

    Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”

    Me:”I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “Oh, well my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”

    Me: “Well that’s not the one that’s on sale.”

    Customer: “Well he needs a salt-free kind.”

    Me: “Well, then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”

    Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”

    Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”

    Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”

    Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”

    Aisle Be Watching You, Part 2

    | Montana, USA | Bizarre

    Customer: “I’m looking for horseradish.”

    (I take her to the condiment section, where there are seven different kinds of horseradish.)

    Customer: “No, it’s not any of these.”

    Me: “Is it a refrigerated product?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, this is the only place I know of where we stock horseradish.”

    (A few moments later, the customer finds me again.)

    Customer: “I know where it is. But I’m not going to tell you. You need to figure it out on you own.”

    Related:
    Aisle Be Watching You

    Bumming Around On The Job

    | Manalapan, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a high-end grocery store that has a department of employees solely dedicated to pushing shopping carts.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what’s [department name]?”

    Me: “It’s a department where we push shopping carts, assist customers, and maintain the parking lot.”

    Customer: “Yes, but are you an employee at [store]?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m an employee.”

    Customer: “As in, do they pay you?”

    Me: “Yes, this is my job.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not homeless?”

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