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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Carrying A Lot Of Baggage

    | Kirkland, WA, US | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “What kind of bag would you like?”

    Customer: *without hesitation* “A hot blonde with blue eyes, 6 feet tall, smart, and successful.”

    Me: “Me and you both, buddy. But you’re in luck, as it just so happens our bags are tan and blue. Will that be okay?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s better than what I have back at home.”

    Buffalos In The Mist

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I’m looking for some cheese, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

    Me: “Well, we carry over 100 different kinds of cheese. Is there anything that you know about it?”

    Customer: “It’s a type of Parmesan cheese, and I think it was made from gorilla milk.”

    Me: “Gorilla? Uh, do you mean buffalo?”

    Customer: “They’re the same thing!”

    Not So Mellow Jello

    | Wood Dale, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

    Me: “That will be $*.** for 3 packs of jello. Will there be anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “No, no thank you. My granddaughter is turning 21!”

    Me: “How nice! Are these for her party?”

    Customer: “She is having a party tonight and asked me to buy her jello so she could have jello shots. I’m so glad she is not drinking and instead just having jello. I must have raised her right!”

    Sweet Candy, Bitter Purchase

    | North Dakota, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (The grocery store has an ongoing deal where a gas coupon for 6 cents off per gallon prints at the bottom of the receipt. The minimum purchase is $30 before tax.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $29.76 before tax.”

    Customer: “It says it’s $30 there!”

    Me: “That’s after tax, sir. The coupon won’t print out unless you spend $30 before tax. If you add a candy bar, maybe?”

    Customer: “It says $30!”

    (He pays for the groceries.)

    Customer: “Where’s my coupon?”

    Me: “Like I told you, it didn’t come to $30 before tax. I told you that if you add a candy bar onto it–”

    Customer: “Well, ring me up for a candy bar and give me my coupon!”

    Me: “It doesn’t work like that, sir. It has to be $30 all at once.”

    Customer: “You’ve got extra coupons back here, don’t you!? Just give me an extra one!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the coupons print at the bottom of receipts. We don’t have them to hand out. They will only print out when you purchase enough items.”

    Customer: “Get me a coupon! I have a d*** candy bar!”

    Me: “I can refund your entire order and then ring it up again with the candy bar. You’ll get the coupon that way, but your card might show a double charge for a brief period of time.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! Do it!”

    (I refund his entire purchase and then ring it up again, this time with a candy bar, putting his subtotal over $30. The 6-cent gas coupon prints out at the bottom. Satisfied, the man leaves.)

    Coworker: “You know that guy doesn’t even own a car, right? He only has a bike.”

    Unloading Marital Baggage

    | Prospect, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners

    (A man comes up to the register with a full shopping cart.)

    Me: “Paper or plastic?”

    Customer: “I’d like double bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (After I manage to get all of his groceries into three very heavy bags and bring them out to his car.)

    Customer: “In case you’re wondering, I just had a fight with my wife and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Customer: “It’s also her turn to unload the car.”

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