October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

How About A Pound Of Cherries For A Pound Of Money

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

Customer: “How much are the cherries?”

Me: “$3.49 a pound.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, I have a pound. How much is it?”

Me: “$3.49.”

Customer: “Why? Shouldn’t it be less?”

Me: “It’s $3.49 a pound. You have a pound, so it’s $3.49.”

Customer: “No, that doesn’t make sense. Just take them off!”

Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

| California, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am a cashier at a locally owned grocery store that is frequented by families. A dad comes in with two sons. The younger one puts a drink in the front of their order.)

Kid: “Don’t put this in a bag.”

Dad: “Hey! You could at least say ‘please’!”

Kid: “Dad, you don’t say ‘please’ to clerks, only to people! I learned it in my lesson yesterday!”

Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed, Part 2

| Liverpool, NY, USA | At The Checkout

(I work as a cashier in a grocery store. I have a regular customer named Hector. He is eighty-seven years old and he has come to the store every Wednesday for the last three months and will only wait in my line. If my shift hasn’t started yet, he will gather his groceries, including Luanne’s Depends, and wait until my shift starts.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Did you find everything okay?”

Hector: “H*** no, I did not! I was looking for the damned chainsaw section, but you don’t even have one!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid we don’t sell chainsaws here, this is a grocery store.”

Hector: “That’s not what the dips*** in the booze aisle told me! Jesus, this is the worst store ever!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, sir. But, hey, if you’re about to blow a gasket, we do have Depends, if you’re interested. They’re on sale right now.”

Hector: “S***! I forgot to get Luanne’s Depends! She won’t do the nasty with me if I forget them! Thanks, little lady!”

Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed

Ugly Advice From An Ugly Soul

| New York, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m skinny, tall, and with long hair. My boyfriend is also my coworker. He’s chubby, short, and his head is shaved. While ringing up a woman, my boyfriend passes by me at the end of his shift.)

Woman: “Was that your boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “My goodness, you deserve much better than that. You look like a model and don’t belong with that awful looking junk!”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

Woman: “I highly advise you to dump him. My friends and family always say I give the best advice and none of them have ever regretted it.”

Me: “Ma’am, could you drop the subject? I’m trying to ring up your
groceries and there’s a line behind you.”

Woman: “Alright. I’ll have a talk with you some other time.”

(So far, this woman hasn’t come back. Hopefully, she never will.)

No Shame, Period

| Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I am working in the produce section where we sell very thick and very red cranberry juice. As I am placing some on the shelves, I drop one, which spills on the ground. To prevent it from leaking all over the place, I quickly carry it to the customer bathroom close by to empty the rest in the toilet, leaving a long trail of red liquid.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Someone’s had their period in the bathroom!”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. I just dropped cranberry juice on the floor.”

Customer: “Well, then, can I get a discount for the nausea?”

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