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    Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

    | Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

    Nonplussed Customers

    | Dillon, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    Customer: “Something isn’t right with these two signs about the pears on sale. One says $1.00 for 1 pound, and the other says $10 for 10 pounds. Which is it?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, that’s the same thing.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I actually went to college. I think I can do basic math.”

    Me: “Let’s look at it this way. If it’s $1 for 1 pound, how much would 3 pounds be?”

    Customer: “$3.”

    Me: “Yep, and how much would 5 pounds be?”

    Customer: “$5.”

    Me: “Awesome. How much would 10 pounds be?”

    Customer: “$10.” *pause* “Those signs are misleading!” *storms off*

    Batty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Toledo, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I’m a customer at a grocery store. We’re in a snow storm and people have gone mad in preparation, buying most of the bread, eggs, and milk.)

    Customer: *inches from the cashier’s face* “MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!”

    Cashier: *stunned*

    Customer: “I bet all the customers were like that today, huh? All those crazy people buying up all that stuff! But not me, I’m not crazy!” *walks away*

    Cashier: *nervously laughs while looking at me wide-eyed*

    Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 3

    | Framingham, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Politics, Uncategorized

    (We’ve just recently switched to a new system where receipts are optional.)

    Me: “…and would you like a receipt today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “We’re now only printing receipts if you’d like one, in order to save paper. Would you like a receipt?”

    Customer: “Of course I want my receipt! You know, it’s young punks like you who do all your online banking who are responsible for 9-11! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

    Related:
    Our Great Dumbocracy, Part 2
    Our Great Dumbocracy

    The Grapes Of Telepaths

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m a merchandiser working one of the stores on my route. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “White wine!”

    Me: “You want a white wine?”

    Customer: “White wine!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. How about this one?”

    (I hold out a bottle of Chardonnay.)

    Customer: “That’s yellow. I want white wine.”

    Me: “Okay. How about a White Zinfandel?”

    Customer: “That’s pink. White wine!”

    Me: “Okay, how about this?”

    (I hold out a bottle of Pinot Grigio.)

    Customer: “That’s clear. I want white!”

    Me: “Sir, these are all white wines I’m showing you.”

    Customer: “I want a white wine!”

    Me: “Sir, these are white wines. ”

    Customer: “That one’s yellow. That one’s pink. That one’s clear. I want white wine!”

    (This went on for another ten minutes until his friend showed up. Turns out he wanted a yellow Chardonnay.)

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