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    Driven Over The Edge

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (My mother and I are entering a parking lot with the intent to go shopping when a large blue truck turns down the wrong lane and cuts us off. Trying to be courteous, my mom hurries to park in the nearest lot to allow him through. He sits there instead.)

    Driver: “F****** b**** driver.”

    Mom: “Excuse me?”

    Driver: “Yeah, I’m talking to you. You f****** b****es need to learn how to drive. You were going way too f****** fast down that lane and you almost hit me!”

    Mom: “I most certainly did not! You cut me off.”

    Driver: “The f*** I did, you b****! You cut ME off! I ought to slam the s*** out of your car, you f***.”

    Me: *getting angry* “Hey, inbred, I dare you.”

    Driver: *noticing me* “F*** you, you ugly w****!

    (He jerks his wheel toward us like he’s about to ram us and I stand my ground.)

    Me: “What was that about running our car over?”

    Driver: “Yeah, you keep talking, w****. I’m about to get out and f*** you up!”

    Me: “Try it.”

    (He hasn’t noticed this whole time that he’s in a parking lot full of witnesses and that one of these witnesses has gone in to get the police officer who acts as lot security. He’s outside listening, silently moving up along the truck waiting for the guy to do something.)

    Driver: “B****! Keep talking, you fat f*** skank b****. Need to f****** learn the right of way.”

    Me: “Buddy, from what I see, you’re just running your lip and making a moron out of yourself. Instead of turning into a larger humiliation, maybe you should drive on and shut up.”

    Driver: “F*** YOU!”

    (The driver again jerks his wheel and almost slams into the car parked near us.)

    Driver: “I’m going to f*** your face up, you c***!”

    (He climbs out of his truck and BAM! He’s instantly against the side of his truck with his arms behind his back, because the officer grabs hold of him once he’s stepped down.)

    Cop: “That’s assault, attempted assault, we’ll slap in attempted vehicular manslaughter if you open your mouth again, and on top of that driving while intoxicated. Thank you, ladies. Have a nice day!”

    An Out-Of-Order Order

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work in a small deli in a small town. When we get busy we run two slicers (by hand). During an extremely busy morning shift, we spend a few minutes frantically slicing meat and cheese. We’d just finished the last order when a customer comes up to the counter and starts digging through the stacked orders.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

    Customer: “A half pound of cheddar cheese.”

    (I look through the orders and then turn to ask the other employee if we’ve missed the customer’s order in the rush. The customer stops me.)

    Customer: “Oh, I haven’t ordered yet.”

    (I smile and grabbed my deli pad to take his order as he continues.)

    Customer: “I was just going to take someone else’s order.”

    Fickle Over A Nickel

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (The store where I work has a coffee booth near the express lane, where I am working one day. Customer #1, an elderly man, comes to my register with a small coffee. He puts a dollar, two quarters, and four pennies on my counter.)

    Customer #1: “It should be $1.54 for this coffee, right?”

    Me: “I think so. Let me check.”

    (I ring it up and with tax it comes to $1.59.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry. Looks like it’s actually $1.59. You were close though!”

    (The man frowns and pulls out a wad of bills. He has twenties, tens, fives, and several more dollar bills.)

    Customer #1: *muttering* “I might as well give you a twenty to get a nickel!” *stuffs all his money back in his pockets* “You can just keep the d*** coffee!”

    (He storms off, leaving me speechless. The next customer stares after him.)

    Customer #2: “Goodness! What was his problem?”

    Me: “He was a nickel short for his coffee and didn’t want to give me another dollar instead.”

    Customer #2: “Is that what all the fuss was about? Shoot, I could have given him a nickel!”

    Me: “I have some dimes in my pocket, but I don’t think he would have accepted that either.”

    Customer #2: *shaking her head* “Shame. It seems like he really could have used that coffee!”

    Out For Dinner Is Out Of The Question

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier, and we’re supposed to stand in front of our registers if we’re open and waiting for a customer. As I’m doing this, an elderly man eyes me and walks over.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! Can I help you with something?”

    (The man proceeds to get way too far into my personal space. I’m mildly autistic, so I’m repressing a panic attack at this point.)

    Elderly Man: “You can take me out to dinner tonight.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think my boyfriend would be too pleased about that.”

    Elderly Man: “It’s okay. He can come too.”

    Me: “Well, I’m working the closing shift tonight, then he’s picking me up, So, tonight doesn’t work, anyway.”

    Elderly Man: “Ah, that’s too bad.”

    (Not only am I getting creepy vibes from this guy, but his breath smells terrible. It’s all I can do to keep a pleasant smile on my face and not duck under my register.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Elderly Man: *remaining way too close and gesturing to the customer service desk* “Oh, no, I’m just waiting for my wife.”

    Like A Dog After A Bone

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s about half an hour before closing time on a Saturday, which is jokingly referred to by the employees as ‘the creeper hour’ because of all the strange customers we get during that time. However, this night has been relatively slow and weird-free. Customer #1, a man, comes to my line and sets down two cartons of ice cream.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer #1: “Fine, thanks. My dog wanted to go for a ride, so I thought I’d reward myself for listening to him.”

    (I kind of laugh with the customer and ring through his order. After he pays, he still stands at my register, staring at me.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

    Customer #1: “My dog is a real little dog. It’s probably tearing up my car right now. I can never get him to settle down.”

    Me: “Yeah, smaller dogs tend to have more energy.”

    Customer #1: “It’s because his parents are siblings.”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Customer #1: “I had the brother and sister dogs and they got together somehow. Had four puppies. One was born with heart problems and died. I gave two away.”

    Me: *trying to not cringe* “Okay…”

    Customer #1: “I don’t know how they did it. I don’t know why they did it. Why do brother and sister dogs f***? I caught them once. I couldn’t get the brother dog off his sister. You just never forget those kinds of things.”

    Me: “Sir, do you mind just—”

    (At this point, a second customer comes to my line. She loudly throws some soup cans on the conveyor belt.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, hello, sweetie! How are you tonight?”

    (Customer #1 glares at her and moves down a little, but still is at my register and opens his mouth as if to continue talking.)

    Customer #2: *loudly* “Boy, I can’t believe how great the sales are this week! Oh, do you mind putting my milk in a bag? I hate to be a bother, but it’s just easier to carry.”

    (Customer #1 finally seems to get that he can’t continue talking about his incestuous dogs and actually pouts as he walks away.)

    Customer #2: “Actually sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m not done shopping yet. I still need to get a couple more things. You just looked like you needed a way out.”

    Me: “Oh, my god, thank you so much. Here, I’ll unload the rest of your things and ring them through while you go get what else you need.”

    Customer #2: “But did I hear him right? Did he really say what I think he said? Who even thinks that that’s okay?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t mean to be crass but if you think that’s weird then you don’t want to hear the other stuff people have said to me.”

    (She laughs and gets the rest of her groceries. When she pays, she asks for $5 cash back and gives it to me for ‘putting up with the village of idiots.’)

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