I am grocery shopping, and in the snack aisle, I notice that has someone left a bottle of milk. I pick it up, and it feels room temperature. An employee happens to pass by.

Me: “Excuse me. Someone left this milk here, and feels like it’s been here for a while.”

I hand the milk to him.

Employee: “Oh, it does. I guess I’ll have to put it back in the fridge.”

He immediately walks off. It takes me a little too long to register what he actually said, and I try to call out.

Me: “SIR!”

Too late: there was no sign of him anywhere. The milk had likely already been put back, and there was no sign of any other employees so I could tell them about it. I ended up having to get checked out shortly so as not to miss my bus.

Now I’ve decided not to get anything that needs to be kept cold from that store.

I was the overnight coverage manager at a store that was open twenty-four-seven.

The building started to fill with smoke, but the alarms weren’t going off. I ushered everyone out and called the fire department. They came out and found that there had been an electrical short in the bakery — the bread proofer.

It never turned into open flame, which was good, because the short was right next to the main gas feed. It turned out to be a diversion, and someone broke the pharmacy doors from their hinges in the confusion and made off with a whole lot of narcotics.

Manager: “Next time, don’t evacuate unless there’s evidence of a fire! We have to report all of those stolen narcotics!”

Me: “So, smoke isn’t evidence of a fire?”

Manager: “Smoke doesn’t always mean there’s a fire!”

Me: “There’s a commonly used phrase that would strongly disagree with you.”

My manager didn’t hold me responsible, but I told him I’d do the same thing again even if I saw “just” smoke.

Customer: “This is crazy! We’ve been waiting for almost twenty minutes!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s a big sale day, and we don’t have enough staff to man every register!” 

Customer: “That’s stupid! You need to get more people!”

Me: “Would you like an application?”

Customer: “H*** no! Why would I want to work here?!”

Me: *Staring, not breaking eye contact* “You get to meet the loveliest people!”

I’m stocking a shelf when a customer behind me practically yells in my ear:

Customer: “FRESH MOZZARELLA?!”

I then realize she’s been saying that a few times, and I tuned it out because I didn’t register it as directed at me. I’ve never been trained to respond to the phrase “fresh mozzarella,” you know!

Me: “Did you want to know where it is?” 

Customer: “Well, duh! Isn’t it obvious?!”

Me: “No, because other customers use full sentences.”

I am checking out a customer who is here with her daughter and her mother, so three generations of women. The daughter — four years old — is having a great time talking to herself. The grandmother seems to be upset by this.

Grandma: “It’s totally inappropriate for her to have an imaginary friend, and I’m embarrassed by it!”

Mom: *To Grandma* “You get on your knees every night and talk to your sky friend and ask him to forgive you for gambling even though you play the lottery every week. She’s a four-year-old girl. What’s your excuse?”