(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”

Customer: “Where can I get it?”

Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*

Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “I’d like 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: “Do you mean two packages?”

Customer: “No, I want 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: *heavy sigh* “5 chops, wrapped 2, 2 and 1. See, wrapped in twos.”

(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

(A coworker is bagging groceries as I ring them up)

Customer, to my bagger: “Wait! Don’t pack them like that! Honestly, it’s as if no one understands how to pack bags anymore!”

Coworker, looking down at a loaf of bread on top of some grapefruits in a paper bag: “How do you want them packed?”

Customer: “Clearly the bread needs to go on the bottom! I don’t want the grapefruits to get damaged; they’re fragile!”

Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if I could return some rotten milk? Or get it replaced, or a refund or something.”

Me: “Well, when did you buy it?”

Lady: “A week ago.”

Me: “Okay, when did it expire?”

Lady: “Yesterday.”

Me: “So, you bought it before the expiration date, then it expired. Correct?”

Lady: “Um, yeah, I guess so…”

Me: “We can’t return that, then.”

Lady: “WHAT THE *%!*?! ARE YOU *%!*ING KIDDING ME?!”

Me: “Are you serious? You bought it before it expired, kept it until AFTER it expired, and now want to return it?”

Lady: “WELL YOU HAVE A NICE *%!*ING DAY.”

Me: “You too, ma’am.”

Source

Lady: “Yeah I just got back so I missed the big rain storm.”

Me: “Well it wasn’t too bad, where did you go? Out of town?”

Lady: “What?”

Me: “You got back from somewhere, where did you go?”

Lady: “I haven’t been anywhere.”

Me: “So you were here for the rainstorm?”

Lady: “No, I was gone.”