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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Guardians Of The Service Staff

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (It is about two weeks after ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ has hit theaters. I’ve wanted to see it but haven’t had a chance. A customer comes through my line with a shirt picturing the characters from the movie.)

    Me: *grins* “I like your shirt!”

    Customer: “Yeah! Have you seen it yet?”

    Me: “No, I haven’t had a chance to go yet.”

    Customer: “Go see it right now.”

    Me: *laughs* “I’ll get right on that.”

    Customer: “No, seriously. Close your lane, leave work right now, and go see that movie.”

    Me: *more laughing* “I really wish I could! I’ll see it first chance I get.”

    Customer: “Hey, the customer is always right, right? Tell your boss that the customer said you have to leave and go see a movie!”

    Me: *my coworkers start laughing, too* “I really don’t think that would go over well.”

    (I processed his transaction and handed him his receipt, and as he was leaving he told me again that I should really go see it. That customer made my night.)

    The Right Wine Or The White Wine

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in the wine department of a small grocery store. We will sometimes get customers with very little wine knowledge.)

    Customer: *holding up a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a red wine* “Is this a white wine?”

    Me: “That’s a red wine, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So, it’s a white wine?”

    Me: “No, that is a red wine.”

    Customer:” So, it’s a white wine?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, all Cabernet Sauvignon wines are RED wines.”

    (Customer turned and headed to our registers, with the bottle of Cabernet. I hope she did not need a white wine.)

    Ahead Of The Game

    | St. John's, NL, Canada | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (We sell console games in addition to groceries in a more-or-less rough part of town, and our policy is unopened games can be returned with a receipt within 14 days from purchase.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this game.”

    Me: *checks seal on game* “Seal is in check, so I just need your receipt.”

    Customer: “I’ve got no receipt. But I just want to exchange this for some groceries now.”

    Me: “Sorry. Without a receipt I have to get authorization on these big ticket items from a manager.”

    Customer: “It’s only a game. It’s not even that big.”

    Me: “No, but the price tag is. It comes to almost $90, so I need a manager authorization.”

    (My manager and I check the UPC in our system, and he sees that we received six copies of the game, and there is six on the shelf right now, and the system shows no sales since it arrived.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that game wasn’t bought at this store. Perhaps it was a different store you bought it at?”

    Customer: “No, it was right here. I bet you it was the cashier just took my money and put it in her pocket when I left. Didn’t even scan it.”

    Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I lost it.”

    Me: “If you got a receipt, the cashier couldn’t have stolen your money. We received in six copies of this game, and there is six in our case. And we haven’t sold any at this location since it arrived.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want my money back. I just want groceries.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt showing purchase from this location, I cannot give you any sort of refund or exchange.”

    Customer: “I’ll be back later to get a refund on this, then. Bunch a thieves.”

    Manager: *to me after he leaves* “What was the game called he was trying to get off with?”

    Me: “You’ll get a kick out of this: ‘Thief.’

    Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction, Part 2

    | Lynnwood, WA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I was getting my best friend some candy at a grocery store to cheer her up, when I am approached by a lady who is at a sample station with dog treats.)

    Customer: “Do happen to have a dog at home?”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t. We only have a bunch of reptiles.”

    Customer: “Reptiles, huh. When I was out this state, we caught large iguanas about this big—” *stretches out arms, maybe four feet* “—from the jungle and ate them.”

    Me: “Iguanas can get very large.”

    Customer: “It was delicious, but I don’t recommend eating your pets.”

    Me: “No, that would be pretty messed up.”

    (Luckily some people walked up to her table and she went to help. I wasn’t sure how to react to someone telling me they enjoy eating the pets I love.)

    Related:
    Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction

    Motherly Advice To Mother

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (It’s late at night, and I’m working the checkout aisle when a woman comes up with her young daughter and her cart load of groceries. Everything is going fine at first.)

    Daughter: “Mommy, look!”

    (The daughter has grabbed the now empty cart, pulled it to the end of the aisle and is now pushing it towards her mother at fairly high speed.)

    Mother: “No, dear. Please don’t.”

    (She catches the cart just before the little girl runs her over.)

    Daughter: “Hey, mommy, look!”

    (This time the little girl really gets a running start. The cart is moving dangerously fast. As the cart passes me, I grab the handle, bringing it to a stop. I lean over the counter and look the little girl straight in the eyes.)

    Me: “Trust me. You really don’t want to do that.”

    Daughter: “Why?”

    Me: “Because you could hurt your mother. And if you hurt her you will be in trouble.”

    Daughter: “How much trouble?”

    Me: “Not able to go home trouble. Probably ‘time out’ trouble.”

    Daughter: “Oh. That doesn’t sound that bad.”

    Me: “Or, your mother could be like mine and send you to bed with no supper.”

    Daughter: “Oh.”

    Me: “Now, why don’t you go help your mother bag the groceries?”

    Daughter: “Okay!”

    (The mother looks at me.)

    Mother: “Thank you.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it. That was one of the less stressful things I’ve dealt with tonight.”

    Mother: “Really?”

    Me: “Yeah. All I had to do was grab the cart and tell her the truth.”

    (The woman pauses for a moment and looks at me.)

    Mother: “Maybe I should try being more like your mother. She certainly got something right with you!”

    (That comment pretty much made my night, and I managed to finish out my shift with a smile.)

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