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    Half Dumb And Half Stupid

    | Nebraska, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “It’s my birthday tomorrow and I want to have some chicken delivered. I want 50 pieces of chicken, half baked chicken and half fried chicken.”

    Me: “Okay, so, you want 25 pieces of baked chicken and 25 pieces of fried chicken?”

    Customer: “No, I want half baked and half fried.”

    Me: “Well, half of 50 is 25. So, you want 25 baked and 25 fried?”

    Customer: “No! I want 12 pieces of baked chicken and the rest fried chicken!”

    Dangerously Cheesy

    | John's Creek, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Where is your mad cow cheese?”

    Me: “Mad cow cheese, ma’am? Do you mean Laughing Cow cheese?”

    Customer: “No! Mad cow cheese! Everyone carries it.”

    (At this point, I’m trying really hard not to laugh even though other customers are. I ask her to follow me and I show her the laughing cow cheese.)

    Customer: “Yes! Mad cow cheese!” *takes cheese and continues shopping*

    (I walk back to the area I work in, where another regular customer is waiting.)

    Another customer: *laughs* “It’s okay, you can laugh now.”

    How The Cookie Crumbles

    | Hamilton, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I would like to return these cookies. There are two cookies missing.”

    Me: “Alright, were they stale?”

    Customer: “No, my son just didn’t like them. I have the receipt.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot refund them.”

    Customer: “But there are two cookies missing!”

    Me: “I realize that, but we cannot resell this product because you have opened them.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. What is the point of keeping a receipt if you cannot return an item? My son didn’t like them! There are only two missing!”

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, but as a consumer, that is a risk you are willing to take when trying a new product.”

    Customer: “It’s only missing two cookies!”

    (The customer eventually left, albeit begrudgingly.)

    It’s Nice To Be Relatively Infestation-Free

    | Nova Scotia, Canada |

    (I am talking with a customer that is also my neighbor. I am ringing in about the ants that have been getting into our houses.)

    Customer: “Those darn ants are everywhere this time of year!”

    Me: “Yeah, we’ve had a lot of trouble keeping them out these days. I don’t know what to try next!”

    Next customer: “You know what works? Ant-Be-Gone. I used it once, and my wife’s Aunt hasn’t come around for years!”

    Fertility Is A Contest

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

    (My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

    Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

    Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

    Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”

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