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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Gender Fender Bender

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I need to return this card.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I bought it for my wife’s birthday. It’s a very nice card, but I missed the last line.”

    (I look at the card, and it reads ‘to the man I love’. The refund was given.)

    This Refund Is Cut And Dried

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to return these flowers.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, usually we don’t issue refunds for flowers. Can I ask what the problem is?”

    Customer: “She said no.”

    Me: “Let’s get you that refund.”

    Definitely Not In Pittsburgh

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (A customer comes up to me while I’m stocking the shelves. She looks distraught.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I assist you in anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah. My friend said he needs some more cheeseheads at his Super Bowl party. I can’t seem to find them. I found Cheese-Its, Cheese-Nips, but no heads. Where are they?”

    Me: “Cheeseheads, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a nickname for Green Bay Packers fans.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, where can I find those?”

    For Bad Parenting These Two Take The Cake

    | Olathe, KS, USA |

    (I am scanning a large birthday cake for an adult couple.)

    Me: “Oh! Is it someone’s birthday today?”

    Wife: “Yes! It’s our daughter’s tenth birthday today.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s cool. My birthday’s not too far away either!”

    Wife: “Really? How old will you be?”

    Me: “Seventeen.”

    Wife, to husband: “Oh, that was a good year. Do you remember what you did on your seventeenth birthday?”

    Husband: “I don’t know. I drank seventeen beers!”

    Wife: *laughs* “I’m pretty sure that my seventeenth birthday was the first day I did shrooms. But you look like a lot better kid than we were. I’m sure you won’t do any of that stuff,
    right?”

    Me: *pause* “That’s going to be $17.43, please.”

    Drop-Off(spring) Box

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I am ringing out a man and his son. He looks around 5 years old. He keeps pulling things off the candy racks and asking for them.)

    Customer: “Stop, or I’m going to have to leave you here.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “What would happen if I really left him here? Would you have to call the police?”

    Me: “I think we have to.”

    Son: “Can I get this?”

    Customer: “No. Would you know how to get home from here?”

    Son: “Yep!”

    Customer: “D***!”

    (He laughs, pays, and leaves. I make sure he has his son with him.)


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