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    Unfortunately, Stupidity Is Forever

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I have reddish brown hair with the underside dyed teal. Today, my hair is up in a clip, which makes it very visible.)

    Customer: “Ugh, why would you do that to yourself?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do what?”

    Customer: “Dye your hair that awful color! Are you that desperate for attention?”

    Me: “No, teal is just my favorite color, and it makes me happy. And the great thing about hair is that it isn’t permanent.”

    Customer: “I don’t get you rebellious teenagers.”

    Me: “I’m 24 and very happily married. I’m not trying to rebel against anyone or anything. I just like teal, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why mommy has blue hair?”

    Me: “Oh, it’ll definitely be gone by then.”

    Customer: *walks out with a big tramp stamp sticking out from the bottom of her shirt*

    Perverted Product Previews

    | Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a food service specialist in a deli.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a quarter pound of American cheese.”

    Me: “How is this sliced?”

    Customer: “Don’t show me the slice! And I don’t want a sample, either!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just our policy.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s a stupid policy. If I were the manager, I would get rid of that.”

    Me: “Well, most people like to see the slice so they can make sure it’s what they like.”

    Customer: “What did you say? Most people want to see the slice? Well, that’s just sick!”

    Self-Serve Sashimi

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a co-op food store and it’s not uncommon for people to eat an apple or something while they shop and pay for it at the register. A woman comes to the check out line and I notice an empty raw fish package.)

    Customer: *trying to be discrete* “Oh…um…I’m also paying for this.”

    (She holds up the empty raw fish package.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me, did…did you eat that?”

    Customer: “Keep it down! I don’t want the entire store to know!”

    Red Grapes Or Wrath

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (It is 9:30 pm on a Friday night. Note that the store closes at 10 pm.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any more red grapes? These ones look pretty rough.”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, but we’re all sold out of grapes.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? I think you’re lying. Get me some more grapes from the back.”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that if there were any more grapes, I’d have displayed them already.”

    Customer: “Bull! You just don’t want to bring me any so you can go home early!”

    Me: “No, we just don’t have any left. Our shipment comes in at 9:30 am tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What? No, it doesn’t. There aren’t any delivery trucks here at 9:30!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not lying to you, so I’d appreciate if you stopped accusing me of doing so.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager! I bet he has some grapes in the back!”

    Me: “Look, sir. My manager has gone home for the night. I am certain that there is no secret back room that only he has access too.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! This is the last time I shop here!”

    (He reluctantly buys a bag of green grapes instead and walks away.)

    Related:
    The Grapes Or Wrath

    An Idiom In Sheep’s Clothing

    | Iowa, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am a running through a rather elderly lady’s groceries.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I did. Well…”

    Me: “Anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Your shirt is nice; such a lovely material. I will add that to my purchase, please.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, actually, I purchased this at [clothing store].”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll take your shirt please.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m afraid I am unable to give you my shirt.”

    Customer: “No, I’m the customer. You asked if I needed anything. I need your shirt!”

    (At this point, she attempts to pull it off of me. Upon seeing a fleet of coworkers heading towards me, she runs out of the store, leaving her groceries behind.)

    Manager: “What did she want?!”

    Me: “Literally the shirt off my back!”


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