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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Your Query Is In Arrears

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Is Ricky the front end supervisor?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, he is no good! If Ricky is the front end supervisor, is there a rear end supervisor?”

    Smelling A Bargain

    | CT, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any of the regular fish oil pills?”

    Me: “No, I don’t have those. But we’ve got the odorless pills here.”

    Customer: “Thanks anyway. I really just wanted the regular ones.”

    Me: “Oh, but these are great. They’ve got no odor at all. If you take these, you won’t smell of fish!”

    Customer: “You mean I smell of fish?! Oh my God! I didn’t know! Nobody told me! I don’t believe I smell of fish!”

    Me: “Uh, that’s not what I meant.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know I smell of fish! Oh, this is awful!”

    (The customer opens his phone, dialing.)

    Customer, on phone: “Mom? It’s me. Why didn’t you tell me I smell of fish? Of course I do! The guy at the store just said I need to take the odorless pills because I smell of fish!”

    Me: *head in hands* “No, wait!”

    Customer: “I can’t believe even you didn’t tell me! I feel awful now! How long until it goes away?”

    Gender Fender Bender

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I need to return this card.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I bought it for my wife’s birthday. It’s a very nice card, but I missed the last line.”

    (I look at the card, and it reads ‘to the man I love’. The refund was given.)

    This Refund Is Cut And Dried

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to return these flowers.”

    Me: “Oh. Well, usually we don’t issue refunds for flowers. Can I ask what the problem is?”

    Customer: “She said no.”

    Me: “Let’s get you that refund.”

    Definitely Not In Pittsburgh

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (A customer comes up to me while I’m stocking the shelves. She looks distraught.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I assist you in anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah. My friend said he needs some more cheeseheads at his Super Bowl party. I can’t seem to find them. I found Cheese-Its, Cheese-Nips, but no heads. Where are they?”

    Me: “Cheeseheads, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a nickname for Green Bay Packers fans.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, where can I find those?”


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