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    Stimulating Or Simulating Immunity

    | Ottawa, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’ve had a small cold for a couple days. I begin to ring up a man in his 60s. I’m 19.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Not too bad, except this d***ed cold won’t go away.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I have one too and it’s driving me nuts! Although I love the new pomegranate grapefruit cough drops we sell.”

    Customer: “I have some cough drops at home. But there is one thing that really works when you’re sick. The problem is, my wife is out of town so I guess I’m out of luck.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It totally works. Do you have a man around to help you with your… cold?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “That’ll be $35.67, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Try it! And if you don’t have a man, you could always do it with–”

    Me: “Goodbye!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Kids Say The @#$%est Things

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer comes through my line with a small child.)

    Me: “Aww! How old is your son?”

    Customer: “He’s 4. Isn’t he adorable?”

    Me: “He is.”

    Customer: “Say hi to the nice lady.”

    Son: “F*** you.”

    Me: *shocked*

    Customer: “Isn’t he just precious?”

    The (Not So) Odd One Out

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (I am stocking shelves alongside two other employees that are dressed in the same company uniform as me when I am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes–”

    Customer: “Never mind, you don’t work here. Sorry to bother you.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do work here. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “You do? Hmm…I didn’t recognize the uniform. Are you sure you’re not just messing with me?”

    Me: “Yes, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Nevermind. I’ll just ask the nice young lady working behind you.”

    Half Dumb And Half Stupid

    | Nebraska, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “It’s my birthday tomorrow and I want to have some chicken delivered. I want 50 pieces of chicken, half baked chicken and half fried chicken.”

    Me: “Okay, so, you want 25 pieces of baked chicken and 25 pieces of fried chicken?”

    Customer: “No, I want half baked and half fried.”

    Me: “Well, half of 50 is 25. So, you want 25 baked and 25 fried?”

    Customer: “No! I want 12 pieces of baked chicken and the rest fried chicken!”

    Dangerously Cheesy

    | John's Creek, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Where is your mad cow cheese?”

    Me: “Mad cow cheese, ma’am? Do you mean Laughing Cow cheese?”

    Customer: “No! Mad cow cheese! Everyone carries it.”

    (At this point, I’m trying really hard not to laugh even though other customers are. I ask her to follow me and I show her the laughing cow cheese.)

    Customer: “Yes! Mad cow cheese!” *takes cheese and continues shopping*

    (I walk back to the area I work in, where another regular customer is waiting.)

    Another customer: *laughs* “It’s okay, you can laugh now.”

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