November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Put Your Money Where Your Obnoxious Mouth Is

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I get in line to purchase some iTunes cards. In front of me is a customer in his late 50s telling his life story to an annoyed looking cashier; he’s bragging about his business and complaining about cellphones.)

Customer: *to cashier* “…and I run a business, not a charity, right!?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir. That’ll be—”

Customer: *spots me and my iTunes cards* “Wow, you sure have a handful of cards! What are they?”

Me: “iTunes cards, sir.”

Customer: “What are they for?”

Me: “To buy music and things for my iPad.”

Customer: “iPad?”

Me: “Uh, yes, sir. It’s a kind of—”

Customer: “I know what an iPad is! I have one! You can’t listen to music on an iPad, now can you! That’s an iPod!”

Me: “Actually, sir, there is a place where you can download the music, and an icon to click on where they are stored.”

(The customer goes back to talking about how his business is not a charity while the cashier tries to hurry him up.)

Cashier: “That’ll be $5.02.”

Customer: *takes $5 bill out of his wallet* “Oh, looks like I’ll need to bum some pennies off of someone, don’t wanna run back out to the truck.” *he turns to me* “Do you have some pennies?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but were you not just saying that you weren’t a charity? Nor am I.” *hands pennies to cashier*

(The customer doesn’t thank me and leaves.)

Cashier: “I f***ing hate that guy!”

Me: “Oh?”

Cashier: “He always acts like a superior a** and always bums money off people. And I know that family; he is absolutely loaded!”

Me: “I guess that’s how he stays that way.”

Give The Beneficent The Benefit Of The Doubt

| Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

(It’s a few days before Valentine’s Day, so there are a lot of rush orders for flowers. One of our usual customers, Ben, is an elderly man who isn’t mentally healthy, but he’s a sweet man who doesn’t bother anyone. He’s decided to buy 100 roses and stand outside to hand them out to women, young and old alike.)

Female Customer #1: “I want your manager.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am…”

(I call for my manager, who arrives shortly.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Female Customer #1: “There’s a drunk outside accosting women. I want to know what kind of store lets drunkards stand around like that to bother ladies. He’s standing out there slurring and making sexual comments to everyone.”

(As she explains this, another female customer with her daughter has been standing nearby. After she finishes, the second female customer interjects.)

Female Customer #2: “I hope you don’t mean Ben.”

Female Customer #1: “Who the f*** asked you?”

Female Customer #2: *to my manager* “Ben isn’t doing anything at all. This lady here asked for two flowers and started hitting him with her purse when he only gave her one.”

Female Customer #1: “You f***ing liar! You’re just some godless w****!”

Manager: “Lady, if getting a d*** flower for Valentine’s Day pisses you off this much, I feel sorry for the poor b*****d who gets in a relationship with you. Get out of my store and don’t come back.”

(The manager brought Ben in, who was in tears and confused. However, he cheered up when he received some very nice comments from other customers as well as a free meal from my manager.)

A Wally With The Wallets

| LA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m a customer in line at the checkout counter, the third in line behind another customer whose items have already been scanned. This store has a rewards card, meaning you get a discount by using it and if not you pay full price. The woman doesn’t have the card with her.)

Customer: “I am not about to spend full price when you know I have a card with you! Look it up in the computer.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I can’t. The cards are free and aren’t name-assigned.”

Customer: “LOOK. IT. UP.”

(For about five minutes this is the exchange, with the woman clearly convinced their system is more advanced than it really is.)

Cashier: “Ma’am, please… there’s a line behind you. I have to wait on these people but I’ll be glad to call the manager over and let him talk to you.”

Customer: “Well, fine… take the man right here and then we’ll continue talking.”

(Much to our relief, the manager finally arrives.)

Manager: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I don’t have my card with me and this dumb b**** of a cashier won’t look me up in the system.”

Manager: “You didn’t fill out any paperwork or give a name or email address when you got that card, did you?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Then how are we supposed to look it up in the system? There’s no information attached to your card.”

Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t be expected to carry my wallet everywhere I go just to wave these stupid cards around! ”

Manager:” Ma’am… isn’t that your wallet in your hand?”

Customer: “Yes, but this is my wallet that holds my money and my credit cards! I don’t carry all that other s*** in this one!”

Shaq To Reality

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I work in the meat/seafood department of my store. Being in Orlando, it’s not uncommon for players from the Orlando Magic to come shopping at our store. This causes my coworkers to start a running gag: whenever we serve an especially tall customer, one of them will usually say, ‘Hey, look! It’s Shaq!’ out of the customer’s hearing.)

Coworker: “Hey, [my name], look. It’s Shaq.”

(I have my head in the shrimp case, and am unable to see over the counter, so I just mutter a reply.)

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Coworker: “Seriously, [my name]. Shaq’s coming this way.”

Me: “Right.”

(I pull my head out of the case, I see a tall man walk right up to me from the other side of the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Shaq: “You got any live lobsters?”

(My jaw hangs open. It’s really Shaq.)

Me: “Uh… I’ve got some in the tank back here.”

Shaq: “Thanks.”

(He walks away without saying anything else or purchasing anything.)

Coworker: “I told you it was Shaq, man!”

Off The Clock And Into The Fired

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

(It’s my day off, and I’m shopping at the store where I work when this happens.)

Customer: “You!” *runs up to me*

Me: “Uh, yes?”

Customer: “That’s not how you respond to a paying customer. You’re supposed to say, ‘How may I help you today, ma’am’, and smile!”

Me: “Um, actually right now I’m a paying customer too.”

Customer: “You still work here don’t, you? So, you have to help me or I will get you fired!”

Me: “I’m not working right now. That means—”

Customer: “I don’t care what it means!”

Me: “It means that I cannot help you, will not help you, and it also means I get to walk away.”

(A few minutes pass. Then the customer returns with my manager.)

Customer: *points at me* “Her! She refused to help me. Fire her!”

Manager: “Ma’am, she’s not working today. She’s here as a customer, and if that was you I heard yelling at her, that means I can kick you out of the store for harassing other customers. Please finish your shopping and leave.”

Customer: “But she still works here so she has to help me! I am the customer! I am right!”

Manager: “Geez.” *hands me her manager card* “Use this on your stuff to get my discount. I have to deal with this.”

Me: “Remember boss, the customer is always right!”

Manager: “Oh, shut up.”