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    I Think We’ve Found The Grinch

    | Stayton, OR, USA | Bizarre

    (I am a courtesy clerk and volunteered to work on Christmas. While getting the carts from the parking lot, a man who is in his mid-20s is exiting to the store.)

    Me: “Happy holidays, sir.”

    Customer: *turns his head, flashes an evil grin, laughs maniacally, and continues walking to the car*

    Coworker: “I’m scared for you.”

    On Our Side For Once

    | New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests

    (A customer left her shopping cart in front of my register. Another customer is walking up before I can move it. This is a huge pet peeve of mine.)

    Customer: “Did they leave that there so I would trip?”

    Me: “No, she left it because she was lazy.”

    Customer: *completely seriously* “You’re so nice!”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Customer: “You’re just as nice as everyone else who works here. Do they only hire nice people here?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, they try to only hire nice people here.”

    Customer: “Well, you tell your manager to start hiring some rude people!”

    Me: “Excuse me, Sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! Hire some rude people! Keep us on our toes!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll let someone know.”

    Supply And Demand For Dummies

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do have any more [brand name] chicken noodle soup mix?

    (The shelf is empty, so I look around to see if we have any hidden on the shelf.)

    Me: “There is none here. Let me go check the backroom.”

    (I go check and come back a few minutes later)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not have any left.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Who runs out of chicken noodle soup in the middle of winter?”

    Me: “Well, it is the middle of winter…”

    Hard Times Hit Hard

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (I’m stocking soup when a man approaches me.)

    Customer: “Where’s your bacon bits?”

    Me:*looking up* “Down at the end of this aisle, on the right, at the bottom.”

    Customer: “Hold on…aren’t you [my name]?”

    Me: “Yes. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m [name]! We went to high school together. Wow, you sure must have had it rough, huh?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, all this time and you’re just stocking shelves…”

    Me: “I’m the owner of this and two other stores. I went to business school for years and invested in the stock market.”

    Customer: “Oh! Well, nice to see you again, then…”

    (I found out later that he was a janitor.)

    Now I Help You, Now I Don’t

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (The customer service desk at the small store I work at is not manned at all times. It’s pretty much just where we store lotto and cigarettes. Most customers realize pretty quickly that they can go to any till to get service. This time I have seen a lady standing there, saying nothing for ten minutes.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I need to talk to someone in customer service.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone just in customer service, but I can help you with anything you need.”

    Customer: “No! I must speak to someone in customer service.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible. This is a small store, so we all work at the customer service desk.”

    Customer: “I’m not leaving until I speak to someone from customer service.”

    (I go to the back, take my glasses off, put on a hat, and go back, this time behind the desk.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, finally! One of your stupid supervisors was saying that–”

    (She sees my nametag, stops, turns red, and leaves.)

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