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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Now I Help You, Now I Don’t

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (The customer service desk at the small store I work at is not manned at all times. It’s pretty much just where we store lotto and cigarettes. Most customers realize pretty quickly that they can go to any till to get service. This time I have seen a lady standing there, saying nothing for ten minutes.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I need to talk to someone in customer service.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone just in customer service, but I can help you with anything you need.”

    Customer: “No! I must speak to someone in customer service.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible. This is a small store, so we all work at the customer service desk.”

    Customer: “I’m not leaving until I speak to someone from customer service.”

    (I go to the back, take my glasses off, put on a hat, and go back, this time behind the desk.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, finally! One of your stupid supervisors was saying that–”

    (She sees my nametag, stops, turns red, and leaves.)

    Practice Safe Lunch, Use A Condiment

    | Indiana, USA |

    (A very attractive woman approaches me at my office desk.)

    Customer: “Where can I find the condoms…oh, never mind. I see them.”

    (She walks over, grabs a bottle of ketchup, and checks out.)

    Saving For Savings

    | Charlotte, NC, USA |

    (A customer approaches me as I am trying leave the store after my shift.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, my son has saved over one thousand, two hundred dollars at this store. What does he get?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Don’t you have some kind of rewards program for someone who’s saved that much?”

    Me: “In the past, we’ve done some giveaways, but at the moment, I’m afraid we’re not running any long-term programs like that.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “So he’s saved over twelve hundred dollars here and he doesn’t get anything?”

    Me: “Well, there’s that twelve hundred dollars…”

    (There’s a silence as she just stares at me.)

    Customer: “You should really take better care of your customers.” *walks away*

    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Part 2

    | Utah, USA | At The Checkout

    Boss: “Hey, I need to talk to you for a second.”

    Me: “Is there a problem?”

    Boss: “I received a complaint about you from a customer. By our rules we have to pull you aside and tell you.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s the complaint?”

    Boss: “Um, you were too nice.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Boss: “Apparently, you were trying too hard to be nice and doing your job bagging for her. She got offended by it, so….be more careful, I guess.”

    Me: “Wait, I’m in trouble because I was being too nice?”

    Boss: “Yeah.”

    Me: “This is a new one.”

    Related:
    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

    | California, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any gurtz-demeanor?”

    Me: “Do you mean Gewürztraminer?”

    Customer: “Yeah, gurtz-demeanor!”

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