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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Not Economically Gifted

    | PA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Do you sell gift cards that can be used anywhere?”

    Me: “Do you mean something like a gift card that can be used in a certain mall?”

    Customer: “No. Gift cards that can be used wherever someone wants to use them.”

    Me: “Do you mean money?”

    Customer: “Yes. Just like money…only a gift card.”

    I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | NJ, USA |

    Customer: “Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Can you help me?”

    Me: “Of course!”

    Customer: “Come with me.”

    (The customer proceeds to take me to the office and speaks to my manager.)

    Customer: “Does he work here?”

    Manager: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Can he help me?”

    Manager: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t lying to me.”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 3
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2
    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

    A Gluten For Punishment

    | AL, USA |

    (A powerful storm has ripped through the state. The power has gone out. I have a rack of bread stuck in the oven with no way of removing it without power.)

    Customer: “Do you have any hot bread?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s stuck in the oven and the power is off.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just open it?”

    Me: “Not with the way our ovens rotate. There’s no way to get the bread off the rack.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just reach in and grab one for me?”

    Me: “Not without horribly burning myself.”

    Customer: “Would you mind trying?”

    Cross-Branding

    | Peotone, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Which is the better of these two cake mix brands?”

    Me: “Well, both are on sale. One does contain more trans-fats, though.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll go with this one. I’d rather use shortening than a stick of butter. Don’t want all of them…uh…transvestites.”

    Buying Bread Costs You Dough

    | Hull, UK |

    Me: “I’m sorry, the bread isn’t scanning on to the till. I will just go and check the price on the shelf.”

    Customer: “When I was a boy like you, I used to work everything out in my head. None of this till business.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t seem to find where you got that particular type of bread from. May I ask where you took it from?”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. Is your manager here?”

    Me: “She leaves me in the shop on Sundays. Did you get the bread from here?”

    Customer: “No. I got it from the supermarket.”

    Me: “So, you’ve already paid for it at another shop, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry. My brain isn’t what it used to be.”

    Me: “That’s why I use a till, sir.”


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