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    It’s Nice To Be Relatively Infestation-Free

    | Nova Scotia, Canada |

    (I am talking with a customer that is also my neighbor. I am ringing in about the ants that have been getting into our houses.)

    Customer: “Those darn ants are everywhere this time of year!”

    Me: “Yeah, we’ve had a lot of trouble keeping them out these days. I don’t know what to try next!”

    Next customer: “You know what works? Ant-Be-Gone. I used it once, and my wife’s Aunt hasn’t come around for years!”

    Fertility Is A Contest

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

    (My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

    Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

    Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

    Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”

    Chivalry: No Girl Parts Required

    | Texas, USA |

    (My coworker is caught slacking off while retrieving baskets from the parking lot. After being yelled at for a couple of minutes by a fairly new manager, he walks off and an old lady confronts the manager.)

    Customer: “Sir, I don’t like the way you spoke to that employee!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that employee was slacking off and–”

    Customer: “That is no way to talk to a young woman!”

    Manager: *chuckling* “Ma’am, that is one of our male employees.”

    Customer: “Still, that is no way to talk to her!”

    Here Or There Or Anywhere

    | Cornwall, UK | At The Checkout

    (We have a big sign on the bakery counter with an arrow saying “Please Pay At The Till”. Despite this, a lot of people think they can pay at the counter.)

    Me: “Next, please.”

    Customer: “Hey, you haven’t taken my money yet!”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. If you’d like to take everything over to the till, you can pay there.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I’d like to pay here!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have a till behind here.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just give you the money and you can put it through the till later?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not allowed to do that.”

    Customer: “Well, fine!”

    (I watch as she walks to the left, past cashier and the “Please Pay Here” sign, eventually standing at an empty counter. The cashier continues to serve people lined up at his till. She finally turns to glare at me, whilst I serve other customers at the bakery counter.)

    Customer, to cashier: “Well, aren’t you going to come and take my money?”

    Cashier: “If you come over to this till, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “Well, finally. At least someone around here knows how to do their job!”

    When The Not Blind Lead The Blind

    | Sydney, Australia |

    (I work in a shop with several shelves of vitamins and herbal products. A man walks into the store and straight up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Vitamins.”

    Me: “What kind are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Eyes.”

    (He starts to scan the shelves with admirable inefficiency.)

    Me: “These ones?”

    (I point at the supplements specifically for eyesight.)

    Customer: “No.”

    (He scans shelves some more.)

    Customer: “I can’t see them! You’re useless!”

    (He throws his hands in the air and storms out of the store.)


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