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    Locally Grown, Organic, Pesticide-Free Love

    | Grocery StoreMcBride, BC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m working in the deli department of the supermarket. A customer approaches me with a container of our fruit salad.)

    Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Did you make the fruit salad?”

    Me: “Yes, I did. We make our fruit salads fresh every morning.”

    Customer: “Did you make it with plenty of love?”

    Me: *laughs*

    Customer: “Is that a yes?”

    The Recoil Is Amazing

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I’m stocking cans of soup at the end of an aisle when I hear a voice say “Beep Beep!” I just ignore it but it continues to get louder. I turn around to see an elderly male customer with a shopping cart.)

    Customer: “Beep, beep!”

    Me: “Oh! Hi there. Did you need help finding anything today, sir?”

    Customer: “Beep, beep!”

    (He then proceeds to ram his cart into my butt multiple times.)

    Me: “Oh my, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was in your way. I’ll move.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s okay sweetie. I do that to all the pretty girls.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I’ll let you go now.”

    Customer: “Wanna share a can of soup, sweet cheeks?”

    Me: *running away* “No, thank you!”

    Stimulating Or Simulating Immunity

    | Ottawa, Canada | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’ve had a small cold for a couple days. I begin to ring up a man in his 60s. I’m 19.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Not too bad, except this d***ed cold won’t go away.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I have one too and it’s driving me nuts! Although I love the new pomegranate grapefruit cough drops we sell.”

    Customer: “I have some cough drops at home. But there is one thing that really works when you’re sick. The problem is, my wife is out of town so I guess I’m out of luck.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It totally works. Do you have a man around to help you with your… cold?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “That’ll be $35.67, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Try it! And if you don’t have a man, you could always do it with–”

    Me: “Goodbye!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Kids Say The @#$%est Things

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer comes through my line with a small child.)

    Me: “Aww! How old is your son?”

    Customer: “He’s 4. Isn’t he adorable?”

    Me: “He is.”

    Customer: “Say hi to the nice lady.”

    Son: “F*** you.”

    Me: *shocked*

    Customer: “Isn’t he just precious?”

    The (Not So) Odd One Out

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (I am stocking shelves alongside two other employees that are dressed in the same company uniform as me when I am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes–”

    Customer: “Never mind, you don’t work here. Sorry to bother you.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do work here. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “You do? Hmm…I didn’t recognize the uniform. Are you sure you’re not just messing with me?”

    Me: “Yes, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Nevermind. I’ll just ask the nice young lady working behind you.”


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