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    They’re A Fungus Among Us

    | Texas, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cashier at a grocery store and a customer comes in to return an item.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need to return these mushrooms.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, was there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Yes, they’re a fungus!”

    Me: “Oh, they have something growing on them?”

    Customer: “No! They are a fungus. I’m not eating any fungus!”

    Wilhelmina Wonka & The Chocolate Bakery

    | Florida, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am behind the bakery counter and a woman goes to the bread wall and picks up a loaf of clearly marked “Whole Wheat Italian 5 Grain” bread that happens to be covered in seeds.)

    Customer: *brings loaf to me* “Is this chocolate bread?”

    Me: “Um, excuse me?”

    Customer: “Is this chocolate bread? It’s a dark brown color like chocolate.”

    Me: “It’s ‘Whole Wheat Italian 5 Grain’ bread. It’s labeled right here.” *shows her the label*

    Customer: “Okay, as long as it’s not chocolate bread. My husband is on a diet and cannot have chocolate!”

    Sweet, Sour, Salty, And Swirl

    | Coconut Creek, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at the cake section of our store. A customer is asking me what some of the cake labels mean. Then, we get to the marble cake.)

    Customer: “What does ‘marble cake’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla cake with chocolate cake swirled into it.”

    Customer: “Does it taste different?”

    Me: “No, it’s just vanilla and chocolate”

    Customer: “But it’s swirled. Don’t the swirls taste different?”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Money

    (I work at grocery store that happens to be running a sale on milk. I overhear another customer arguing with his spouse.)

    Man: “Okay. We need a gallon of milk.”

    (He reaches for the gallon jugs that are priced at $3.59.)

    Woman: “Honey, the half gallons are on sale. They’re 10 for $10.00.”

    Man: “That makes no sense.”

    Woman: “Just grab two half gallons.”

    Man: “But that’s more expensive.”

    Woman: “No, they’re 10 for $10, while a gallon is $3.59. We don’t have to buy ten for the discount.”

    Man: “That’s ridiculous.”

    Me: “Look at it this way: You can buy a one gallon jug of milk for $3.59 or two half-gallon jugs for $2.00. It still equals one gallon.”

    Man: *confused*

    (The woman and I just exchange glances and shake our heads.)

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    Can Never Have Too Much Can

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “Why would you do this? You’re an awful person. Why would you think this is acceptable?”

    Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You put seven cans in the same bag! Why would you do that? It’ll be too heavy!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are only three cans in there, but I can take some out if you would like.”

    Customer: “No! You’ve already ruined my day! Why would you ever do this to me?” *storms off*

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