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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    No Shame, Period

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Rude & Risque

    (I am working in the produce section where we sell very thick and very red cranberry juice. As I am placing some on the shelves, I drop one, which spills on the ground. To prevent it from leaking all over the place, I quickly carry it to the customer bathroom close by to empty the rest in the toilet, leaving a long trail of red liquid.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Someone’s had their period in the bathroom!”

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. I just dropped cranberry juice on the floor.”

    Customer: “Well, then, can I get a discount for the nausea?”

    Cashier By Day, Consort By Night

    | NC, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, are you all sold out of condoms?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we’ve been out of condoms for a week. I’m sorry, but you’ll probably have to go to a [pharmacy] to find some.”

    Customer: “Can I have one from your personal stash?”

    Me: “My personal stash?”

    Customer: “Yeah, from your purse.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you have mistaken me with a different profession!”

    This Cheese Tastes Slippery

    | Jenks, OK, USA | Top

    (I work as the HR manager at a grocery store. We often have various specialty items on display near the registers. One day, an angry customer storms in and confronts me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Your cheese samples made me very sick!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that ma’am, but I was unaware that we had cheese samples in the store today.”

    Customer: “You sure do! I took a sample and my mouth was foaming before I even left the store!”

    Me: “Do you mind showing me where you found the cheese sample?”

    (The customer leads me to a table filled with samples.)

    Customer: “It was these! See, a whole table filled with them. They’re not even being attended by anyone! They’re all rotten. I demand compensation!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the reason you got sick is because these are not cheese. These are bars of soap.”

    (The customer stares at wide-eyed at the table: it’s filled with unwrapped bars of specialty bath soaps which are clearly labeled as “Organic Soaps”. Realizing her mistake, she covers her mouth with her hand and runs out of the store.)

    Casting The First Stone

    | Elizabethtown, PA, USA | Religion, Top

    (A customer comes through my check-out line looking agitated.)

    Customer: “How dare you work on a sacred day of rest!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Today is Sunday! Why are you here? You should be in church, you blasphemous heathen! Why are you here?”

    Me: “I’m working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays.”

    (The customer immediately shut up and didn’t speak for the rest of the time I rang up his groceries).

    Brand Spankin’ New Employee

    | Richfield, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (This is my first job. A customer walks up to my register to check out his items. However, my register is malfunctioning and I can not scan more than 15 items.)

    Customer: “Hello there, young’un. Just these for me today.”

    Me: “I do apologize sir, but I cannot scan more than 15 items today.”

    (I turn my head to see if there is another register open when I feel a hard pull on my collar. Suddenly, the customer pulls me over the register.)

    Customer: “I’ll teach you to disrespect your elders!”

    (He starts spanking me with his cane right by my aisle in view of my manager.)

    Manager: “I’d stop this, but it is really entertaining.”


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