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    Fake It ‘Til You Make It

    | Hackney, London, UK |

    Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Where is the pasta?”

    Me: “I’ll show you…it’s this way.”

    (He follows me to the correct aisle. As we approach, I see another girl in the aisle.)

    Customer: “S***, that’s my ex! Quick, pretend you’re my new girl!”

    Me: *surprised* “Wha—”

    (The customer grabs me, puts his arm round me, and practically drags me over to the girl.)

    Customer: *to ex* “Yea, I got a new girl. I’m over you.”

    Ex: “Um, okay? Great.” *walks away shaking her head*

    Customer: *to me* “So, since you’re my girl, do I get to use your staff discount now?”

    Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 2

    | Florida, USA | Money

    Me: “Your total is $24.30 (before tax).”

    Customer: “I want to use my coupon.”

    (The coupon is for $10 off a purchase of $25 or more.)

    Me: “Your total is $24.30, so you need to spend $.70 more to use that coupon.”

    Customer: “What do I do?”

    Me: “You could just add something.”

    Customer: “But I don’t need anything!”

    (Despite my attempts to help her save money, the customer continued to refuse to add anything. So, what did she do? She paid the full price and left, oblivious to the fact she could have saved over $10 by spending just $0.70 more.)

    Related:
    Less Is More, More Or Less

    Just In The St. Nick Of Time

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays

    (It’s five minutes before closing Christmas Eve, and I’m handling the register. A man and woman walk up with a just few bottles of soda, so I wave them in and turn my lane’s light off.)

    Me: “Good evening!”

    Woman, to the man: “Get the cart.”

    Man: *wanders off*

    Me: “So, ready for the holidays, I take it?”

    (I finish scanning a 2-liter bottle of soda and start to scan the second one; this shouldn’t take much time at all. The woman interrupts me.)

    Woman: “There’s more.”

    (I am confused, but then see the man return with a large cart used for stocking the shelves. It’s stacked completely full with RACKS of the soda product.)

    Man: *points to the giant pile of sodas* “That’s 80 bottles in one, 58 in the other…”

    Me: “Okay, then. This might take another minute or two…”

    (Note that the store closes at 6 pm. I’m a minor, so I can’t be late clocking out. I therefore scan as quickly as possible and ring up her total.)

    Me: “All right, there we are! Your total is [nearly $200].”

    (It’s now a minute before closing. I think I’m in the clear, when…)

    Woman: “Here’s $100, but let me pay the rest with these!” *hands me stacks of $5 bills*

    (I am completely stunned now. Fingers flying, I count out the huge bill, finally finishing right at 6 pm on the dot.)

    Me: “Okay…you’re good to go! Hope you have a great holiday!”

    Woman and man: *says absolutely nothing in return and leaves with their huge cartful of sodas*

    (Thankfully I got out of there right on time!)

    Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free

    | Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)

    Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ‘em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”

    Me: *stares wide-eyed*

    Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*

    Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”

    Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”

    Sweets From A Sweetie

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It is my 18th birthday. My manager has tied a “Happy Birthday” balloon to my register. One customer is asking about it.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “Well, sir, it’s my birthday.”

    Customer: “Your birthday?! As in, the day you were born?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir!”

    Customer: *grabs a fist full of candy bars to add to his purchases* “These are for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

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