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    Just In The St. Nick Of Time

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays

    (It’s five minutes before closing Christmas Eve, and I’m handling the register. A man and woman walk up with a just few bottles of soda, so I wave them in and turn my lane’s light off.)

    Me: “Good evening!”

    Woman, to the man: “Get the cart.”

    Man: *wanders off*

    Me: “So, ready for the holidays, I take it?”

    (I finish scanning a 2-liter bottle of soda and start to scan the second one; this shouldn’t take much time at all. The woman interrupts me.)

    Woman: “There’s more.”

    (I am confused, but then see the man return with a large cart used for stocking the shelves. It’s stacked completely full with RACKS of the soda product.)

    Man: *points to the giant pile of sodas* “That’s 80 bottles in one, 58 in the other…”

    Me: “Okay, then. This might take another minute or two…”

    (Note that the store closes at 6 pm. I’m a minor, so I can’t be late clocking out. I therefore scan as quickly as possible and ring up her total.)

    Me: “All right, there we are! Your total is [nearly $200].”

    (It’s now a minute before closing. I think I’m in the clear, when…)

    Woman: “Here’s $100, but let me pay the rest with these!” *hands me stacks of $5 bills*

    (I am completely stunned now. Fingers flying, I count out the huge bill, finally finishing right at 6 pm on the dot.)

    Me: “Okay…you’re good to go! Hope you have a great holiday!”

    Woman and man: *says absolutely nothing in return and leaves with their huge cartful of sodas*

    (Thankfully I got out of there right on time!)

    Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free

    | Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)

    Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ‘em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”

    Me: *stares wide-eyed*

    Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*

    Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”

    Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”

    Sweets From A Sweetie

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It is my 18th birthday. My manager has tied a “Happy Birthday” balloon to my register. One customer is asking about it.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “Well, sir, it’s my birthday.”

    Customer: “Your birthday?! As in, the day you were born?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir!”

    Customer: *grabs a fist full of candy bars to add to his purchases* “These are for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

    Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

    , | New Orleans, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like to buy some top round meat. Are those good for grilling?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, not really. It’s part of the leg and they’re better to marinate first because it’s kind of a tough muscle.”

    Customer: “Oh, no I don’t want the muscle. Just give me the meat!”

    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet, Part 2

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work in the wine department of a well known grocery chain.)

    Customer: “Can you show me where the Charbonnay is?”

    Me: “Ah, you mean Chardonnay. It’s right over here.”

    (I hand her a bottle.)

    Customer: “That’s not Charbonnay. Charbonnay is RED!”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. Here you go!”

    (I hand her a bottle of Cabernet sauvignon.)

    Customer: “That’s more like it!” *waddles off grumbling about how stupid I am*

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    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

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