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    Comic: The Only Thing She Skipped Was Kwanzaa

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Comics, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Religion

    Suffering From A Vowel Movement

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (The grocery store I work in has a week every summer in which we put Hawaiian-esque foods on sale, such as tuna, pineapples, spam, pork, coconuts, etc. Neighborhood luaus are very popular in our area during the summer. We have signs proclaiming this all over the store.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to your manager right away!”

    Me: “I’m the manager. What can I help you with, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I’m an English teacher, and I’m appalled by your signs!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Whoever made then doesn’t know how to spell! Don’t you people know that you can’t put four consonants in a row?”

    Me: “You mean vowels? And that is how you spell ‘Hawaiian,’ ma’am.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “God, all of you are such f****** idiots! I’m looking it up on my phone right now!”

    (She did just that, and my coworkers and I watched as she suddenly paled, ditched her cart, and left the store. We haven’t seen her back since, even though she was a regular.)

    Smooth Out The Allergy Situation

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

    (She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

    (She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

    Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

    (She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

    Serving By The Seat Of His Pants

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I have a regular customer who comes into the customer service desk where I work. He always needs help with the ATM. He’s a strange little fellow, always smells of beer and slurs his words. I am working on some paperwork when he comes in.)

    Customer: “He-hey, hey, you’re the lady who helped me earlier right?”

    Me: “Yes, is something wrong?”

    (I had helped him with the ATM then did an exchange. He had gotten the wrong ice cream.)

    Customer: “No, I was just wondering if you’d do me a favor?”

    Me: “What do you need? I’ll try my best to help.”

    Customer: “If I give you $40 will you take these pants back to the store for me and get me a smaller size?”

    Me: “Uhm, no. I don’t get off work until seven so I don’t think I’ll be able to get there.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s okay. They don’t close until nine; you have plenty of time.”

    Me: “I’m still going to say no. Sorry.”

    Customer: “You’re saying no.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s a no.”

    (He walked away without saying anything. My coworker and I just looked at each other like we both imagined it.)

    Never Too Old To Live

    | OH, USA | Bizarre

    (An old man approaches me. I can’t remember the first thing he said to me because it made absolutely no sense.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

    (He puts out his fist to me. I’m unsure what to do for an awkward two seconds, then I put out my fist. He proceeds to fist bump me.)

    Old Man: “YOLO.”

    (He walks away as I stand there in shock.)

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