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    Driving Away Illegal Sales

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (At my store, we’re required to check a customer’s ID with alcohol purchases, no matter how old the customer looks. If a manager catches us not checking, we can be fired. A customer comes through my checkout with a bottle of wine.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. May I see your ID with the wine?”

    Customer: “What? No. I left it in the car.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I actually have to see it to scan the wine. I won’t be able to sell it without an ID.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? I’m clearly old enough.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but it’s policy. I could be in trouble if I don’t, or even fired.”

    Customer: “That’s not my problem. Ring it up or call your manager.”

    (I call the manager. She comes over, and I explain.)

    Customer: “Tell her to just sell me my wine instead of wasting my time.”

    Manager: “Actually, ma’am, she’s correct. We have to see an ID with all alcohol purchases. You said you have it in your car?”

    Customer: “I’m not walking all the way out to my car just because of your stupid rule!”

    Manager: “I won’t be able to allow this alcohol sale, then.”

    Customer: “Fine! Leave it off, then! I’ll just get the rest of my stuff!”

    (She pays and leaves, and in case she changes her mind, I hold the wine at my register for about 20 minutes. Finally I decide to send it to customer service, where merchandise is gathered to be put back on the shelves. About 10 minutes after that, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “You were the one who took my wine before, right? I want to buy it now.”

    Me: “I don’t have it here anymore, but I’ll have the manager bring it right back for you.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “You said you had your ID in your car, so I thought if you were going to come back for it, it would only take a few minutes. I waited a while before putting it back.”

    (The customer huffs and taps her foot until the manager gets back, and since a line is forming behind her, the manager offers to take her to the next register over.)

    Manager: “And I’ll need to see your ID with this.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you have such a stupid policy! I had to drive all the way home to get this and all the way back here for one bottle of wine!”

    (The kicker? The ID she had to drive home for was her driver’s license.)

    The Front End Is Affronted

    , | Saratoga, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a grocery store in the back in the deli. We have telephones in each department to call other departments and customers and for them to call us. In the summer the deli stays open longer for the tourists than the rest of year. It is now fall so we are closing earlier. We are in the middle of cleaning the department. The phone rings and my coworker answers:)

    Coworker: “Hello, deli department.”

    Coworker: *pause before he answers* “We closed at eight.”

    Coworker: *another pause, then:* “No, we currently close at eight.”

    (He hangs up and then several minutes later it rings again. He picks up again.)

    Coworker: “Hello, deli department.” *pause* “No, we do close at eight. We are not open to ten. We are open to eight.”

    (He hangs up and turns to me:)

    Coworker: “It was the same person and I am going to lose it if they call again!”

    (The phone rings a third time and this time I pick it up.)

    Me: “Hello, deli department. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: “The other guy told me you close at eight. I know you close at ten.”

    Me: “We used to close at ten. We are currently closing at eight. We were open later for summer but we are now closing at eight.”

    Customer: “You should be open until ten!” *hangs up*

    (The worst part was the customer was an employee from the front of the store!)

    Will Not Be Moved

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (I’m working the register at a grocery store when a mother and her 10-year-old son start unloading their cart. As I’m finishing with the customer before them, I hear the boy continually trying to finish his mother’s sentences, occasionally getting them right and prompting her to say, ‘Hey! Stop predicting the future!’ Their turn comes up and we exchange the usual greeting pleasantries. I address the boy.)

    Me: “So you’re trying to tell the future, huh?”

    Boy: *matter-of-factly* “Uh-huh! I’m trying to learn all kinds of stuff, like telepathy and telekinesis.”

    (I happen to be Pagan with some mystic friends who taught me a few tricks. Plus, despite being a humanities major, I spent a good deal of college reading up on quantum theory.)

    Me: “Well, you know the secret to telling the future, right?”

    Boy: “Um…”

    Me: “It’s not about seeing the future, it’s remembering the future.”

    Boy: “Huh?”

    (I explain to him the theory that all time happens at once but the human brain only perceives it as moving in one direction, meaning the future is already here and we just don’t remember it yet.)

    Me: “So what you’ve got to do in the future is bundle up what you’re trying to remember and send it back in time to yourself. I’ve been training myself to do it for years and now I can sort of remember emotions from situations I haven’t experienced yet. It’s a good thing you’re starting so young. Maybe by the time you’re my age you’ll be able to remember words, too!”

    Boy: “… I think I’ll stick to learning telekinesis.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s slightly trickier. What you have to do there is learn how to mentally manipulate the electromagnetic attraction between certain objects.”

    Boy: “… Never mind, then.”

    (As they left, the mother was chuckling to herself and the boy looked both confused and dejected. Hopefully he had better luck with telepathy!)

    Smoking Before She Even Gets Cigarettes

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashiering without a bagger at the farthest register from the front service center.)

    Me: “How are you doing today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You need to go get me a pack of d*** cigarettes.” *continues texting*

    Me: “I’m not allowed to leave my register and don’t have a bagger to run and get some. How about you go grab them while I finish ringing up/bagging the rest of your items?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I said, please go grab them while I finish your order. I can’t leave now.”

    Customer: “Did you seriously just say I… should go get them MYSELF?!”

    Me: “Yes, I did…”

    Customer: “OH, MY GOD! You can’t be serious! If you think I should go get them, then you are crazy!”

    (She then grabs a bagger who is obviously helping out another customer.)

    Customer: “You need to go get me my cigarettes now before I FLIP OUT!”

    Bagger: “…okay.”

    Customer: “And I am telling your manager about how rude you are!”

    Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 3

    | Panama Beach, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion

    (I’m currently stocking food in the aisle, stacking some ramen noodles on the cart. I’m a born American of Islamic parents. I’m also Catholic. A customer approaches me with a security guard.)

    Customer: “See! He’s putting up square packages. They’re bombs! He’s going to blow up this store and kill us all to appease Muhammad!”

    (The guard looks at her like she’s an idiot.)

    Guard: “Ma’am, I hardly think that just because he’s doing his job he’s goin—”

    Customer: “No, his kind are all evil! The Lord is my shepherd and his is false!”

    (I’ve been trying to ignore her but finally get fed up. I stand up and walk over towards her, crossing my arms.)

    Me: “Being born of an Islamic family does not make me a member of the Islamic faith nor any more likely to inflict violence than anyone else with a proper upbringing. Furthermore, I’m Catholic so your bigoted claims that I’m doing something malicious in the process of doing my job are completely irrelevant and unfounded. Furthermore, by trying to use your religion as a cover for your irrational hatred of those who are different on you, I have no doubts that the Holiest is looking down on you right now with sorrow and contempt, and preparing you a special place in Hell for using his word to justify your hatred.”

    (The customer tries to sputter out a response but it’s clear she can’t find the words. I watch as her face turns red like she’s about to throw a tantrum, but she just stomps off instead, leaving me and the security guard standing there. I’m calming down and realize I shouted pretty much all of that, and there are people staring at me.)

    Me: “Well, that came out of nowhere.”

    Guard: “Dude, that was awesome! You shut her down cold.”

    (The customers who had walked over to see the commotion applauded me and defended me when my manager came to write me up for telling off a customer. I found out the next week that the woman had to be arrested after she made similar racist and untrue claims about a Japanese exchange student that was working in the deli, and threatened violence on him.)

    Related:
    Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 2
    Our Great DiscrimiNation

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