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    Here Or There Or Anywhere

    | Cornwall, UK | At The Checkout

    (We have a big sign on the bakery counter with an arrow saying “Please Pay At The Till”. Despite this, a lot of people think they can pay at the counter.)

    Me: “Next, please.”

    Customer: “Hey, you haven’t taken my money yet!”

    Me: “Oh, sorry. If you’d like to take everything over to the till, you can pay there.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I’d like to pay here!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have a till behind here.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just give you the money and you can put it through the till later?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not allowed to do that.”

    Customer: “Well, fine!”

    (I watch as she walks to the left, past cashier and the “Please Pay Here” sign, eventually standing at an empty counter. The cashier continues to serve people lined up at his till. She finally turns to glare at me, whilst I serve other customers at the bakery counter.)

    Customer, to cashier: “Well, aren’t you going to come and take my money?”

    Cashier: “If you come over to this till, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “Well, finally. At least someone around here knows how to do their job!”

    When The Not Blind Lead The Blind

    | Sydney, Australia |

    (I work in a shop with several shelves of vitamins and herbal products. A man walks into the store and straight up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Vitamins.”

    Me: “What kind are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Eyes.”

    (He starts to scan the shelves with admirable inefficiency.)

    Me: “These ones?”

    (I point at the supplements specifically for eyesight.)

    Customer: “No.”

    (He scans shelves some more.)

    Customer: “I can’t see them! You’re useless!”

    (He throws his hands in the air and storms out of the store.)

    Limited Only By Your Intelligence

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: “Is there a limit to the cash I can get back?”

    Me: “Yes, the limit is 50 dollars.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. It says I can put in a number rather than one of the options?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s true.”

    (The machine pops up an alarm saying that the cash back limit has been passed.)

    Customer: “I asked for 60 back. Did that confuse it?”

    Me: “Yes, the limit is 50 dollars.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought that by putting in my own number, I could bypass the limit.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the limit is always 50 dollars.”

    Customer: *re-swipes card* “I see. The limit is 40 dollars.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. The limit is 50 dollars.”

    Customer: “But the options given only go up to 40.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can put up to 50 dollars in the custom number option.”

    Customer: “No, that doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Yes, it does but you have to put less than 50. 50 is the limit.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about and I–”

    (The transaction finishes processing.)

    Me: “Here’s your 40 dollars. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Unfortunately, Stupidity Is Forever

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I have reddish brown hair with the underside dyed teal. Today, my hair is up in a clip, which makes it very visible.)

    Customer: “Ugh, why would you do that to yourself?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do what?”

    Customer: “Dye your hair that awful color! Are you that desperate for attention?”

    Me: “No, teal is just my favorite color, and it makes me happy. And the great thing about hair is that it isn’t permanent.”

    Customer: “I don’t get you rebellious teenagers.”

    Me: “I’m 24 and very happily married. I’m not trying to rebel against anyone or anything. I just like teal, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why mommy has blue hair?”

    Me: “Oh, it’ll definitely be gone by then.”

    Customer: *walks out with a big tramp stamp sticking out from the bottom of her shirt*

    Perverted Product Previews

    | Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a food service specialist in a deli.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a quarter pound of American cheese.”

    Me: “How is this sliced?”

    Customer: “Don’t show me the slice! And I don’t want a sample, either!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just our policy.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s a stupid policy. If I were the manager, I would get rid of that.”

    Me: “Well, most people like to see the slice so they can make sure it’s what they like.”

    Customer: “What did you say? Most people want to see the slice? Well, that’s just sick!”


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