November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Aisle Be There For You

| Marietta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(My friend and I are grocery shopping. We have brought a shopping-list, but we still miss a couple of things.)

Friend: “Oh, darn! I forgot to get orange juice! You just wait here. Don’t move; I’ll be right back.”

(She hurries back to the refrigerated section. I wait for a while, and realize that she has left me at a bit of a bottleneck, blocking traffic. I know she’s going to take a while to chose an OJ, so I decide to go and get one of the other things we are missing. I head down the aisles, looking at the labels for trash bags. There’s an employee standing at the end of an aisle.)

Employee: “Hi, are you finding everything?”

Me: “I’m looking for trash bags. Where will I find those?”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, it’s right at the end of this aisle on the left.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Employee: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “Actually, yes. So I’m helping my friend shop, and she told me to wait over there, but I’m going to get trash bags. In a little bit, she’s going to come around the corner and look lost, then annoyed, and then start searching aisles. Could you tell her where I went?”

Employee: “Uh… Yeah, sure.”

(A little bit later, my friend appears next to me with a look of confusion on her face.)

Me: “You found me!”

Friend: “Yeah… How did the employee know I was looking for you?”

Man, What A Woman

| MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m female, but due to my height, my short hair cut, and our gender neutral uniforms, I’m often mistaken as male.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: *turns around* “Yes, sir?”

Customer: *blinks* “Oh, I’m sorry! I thought you were a man! Well, I mean, it’s not that you look masculine. Not that you look weak either! You’re very beautiful. I just saw short hair and a ball cap. Not that girls can’t wear ball caps! Or have short hair! I like short hair on women. It’s very nice! I mean, ah, your hair is. Some women can’t pull it off. I like your eyes!”

(The customer turns red and I am trying not to laugh.)

Me: “Thank you very much, sir. Can I slice you some lunch meat?”

Customer: “Yes. And then just toss it in the hole I tried to dig myself out of, would you?”

Me: “Not a problem. We cater to stranger requests.”

(As the customer is leaving, he gives me a very large smile.)

Customer: “You know something? You really ARE quite beautiful. Have a nice day!”

(I did have a nice day, and all because of him!)

Animal-Hating, Manner-less And Bigoted, Oh My

| NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m helping a couple of regulars with finding ingredients for a new recipe. One of them is blind, and has his guide dog with him. Another customer stomps up to us while I am showing them different spices.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I need your help.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait until I’m done helping these gentlemen.”

Customer #1: “No, I need help now!”

Me: “Then if you’d like, I can call one of my coworkers over and they can help you.”

Customer #1: “I don’t want you to call someone else.”

Me: “Then you will have to wait.”

(I turn back to the regulars. The rude customer shoves her way between me and them, stepping on the guide dog’s tail in the process. The dog gives a shrill yelp.)

Me: “Ma’am, please! You could have seriously hurt his dog!”

(Customer #1 shoves the dog aside with her foot.)

Customer #1: “I’m the customer! You have to serve me!”

Regular Customer: “Miss, she has explained to you that she’s busy, and has offered to call someone else to help you. Don’t shout at her, and please don’t abuse my husband’s guide dog.”

(Customer #1 turns to him. The regular customer has an obvious Italian accent, but he isn’t difficult to understand.)

Customer #1: “Get out of here, you d*** foreigner! Don’t come back until you learn some f****** English!”

Me: “Ma’am, he is speaking perfect English. Now if you don’t calm down, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

(Customer #1 shoves me. I lose my balance, and fall. Immediately, the regular customer, who is a well-known boxer in the local area and quite strong, literally picks up customer #1 and carries her out of the store. She screams profanities and slurs at him the whole way. His partner helps me up, and I pay for their spices myself. I also get the guide dog a large steak bone, for when she is out of her harness. The best part? We found out later that the rude customer was wanted for armed robbery, and that she was arrested that day!)

Self-Scanning And Self-Aware

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout

(My fiancé and I are at the self-service checkout at the grocery store. We scan our one item, and we get an error message. I try again, but still get the same error message. An employee comes up to us to help out.)

Employee: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, thank you! Every time I scan my item, I keep getting this error message.”

Employee: “Oh! You have to scan your store card.”

Me: “I will, but I can’t get past this error.”

Employee: “No, sorry, you have to scan your store card first.”

(The employee scans the store card, then our item, and it works.)

Me: “Thanks! I never would’ve figured that out!”

Fiancé: *to me* “They should put up a sign, or something.”

(The employee gestures to the TWO signs in front of us that explain all store cards need to be scanned first.)

Me: “Oh, my God! After years of not working in retail, I’ve turned into one of those customers.”

Employee: “Oh, it’s okay. You didn’t blame me for it, so you’re still a step ahead!”

A Sweet For The Not-So-Sweet Old Lady

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am a cashier in a grocery store that has a basket of free suckers at each register. They’re supposed to be for kids, but every now and then an adult will ask for one. We usually don’t mind. An elderly customer and her middle-aged daughter come through my checkout lane.)

Elderly Customer: “Oooh, suckers! Are they free? I want a sucker!”

Daughter: “No, those are for kids.”

Elderly Customer: “I. WANT. A. SUCKER!”

Daughter: “No, mom, they’re for little kids. You’re not a little kid, are you?”

Elderly Customer: “YES I AM! NOW GET ME A GOD-D*** SUCKER, B****!”

(I just hand the elderly customer the basket, and back away slowly.)