Customer: “Why won’t the door open?”

Me: “It opens like a normal door. It’s not automatic.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “Give it a push.”

(The customer backs up and tries to ‘activate’ the door again.)

Customer: “It won’t open!”

(A elderly couple come through my counter with some wine.)

Me: *joking around* “Are you sure you two are old enough to have this tonight?” *holds up wine*

Customer: “Kid, I have underwear old enough to buy that.”

Customers Wife: *laughs hysterically*

(I am stocking shelves, a customer comes up asking for assistance to find an item.)

Customer: “I need to find some Eight O’s corn.”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that brand, ma’am, but I will do my best to help. Are you looking for corn that is fresh, frozen or canned?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It’s Eight O’s corn!”

Me:  “Well, is it cold?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “It is probably in our frozen section, then. Let’s go take a look.”

(After pointing out our selection of frozen corn, she picks up a bag of store brand frozen corn excitedly.)

Customer: “This is it! Eight O’s!”

(I look at the item and see she has picked up an 8 oz. bag).

(I am trying to help a customer with a product while she is talking on the phone to her friend. Every time she asks me a question, she would go back to talking to her friend while I gave her the answer so I would have to repeat myself.)

Customer: “Do you have something that will help me with my period?”

Me: “Dong Quai.”

Customer: “I’m not crying!”

Me: “No, the product is called Dong Quai.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

(The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

(I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Customer: “Go to h***!”