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    Pray That It Be Rhetorical

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    (We have a policy of “up-selling” specific products, meaning we offer them to every customers. This particular week, we’re up-selling pineapples. A middle-aged man approaches the till and I process his items.)

    Me: “Thank you. That’ll be £X.XX. Would you like a pineapple? They’re only £1.”

    Customer: “Would you like to rip my trousers off and have your wild way with me?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “We all have questions.” *pays and leaves as if this is normal*

    Employee Of The Century

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Top

    (I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)

    Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”

    Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”

    Manager: “Since you’ve been here 3 years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”

    Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”

    Manager: “So…you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”

    Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”

    Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”

    Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”

    (The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)

    Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”

    Manager: “Alright.”

    (The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there 8 months, but of course promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)

    Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”

    Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”

    Yes, Your Royal Prawncess

    | South Carolina, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’ve just started my shift when I am called to a register. The customer is ranting about an item that is not on sale.)

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “This shrimp is not scanning right. I made a special trip for it and you people are going to be sued for false advertising!”

    Me: “I do apologize, but this is the wrong shrimp. Would you like me to get the correct one?”

    Customer: “The wrong one? No, it’s not!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is. The label and ad states the $8.39 shrimp is on sale. This is the $9.99 shrimp.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. I shouldn’t be expected to read labels! I should get anything I want because I am special!” *storms off without her shrimp*

    A Solemn Resignation

    | Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

    (An old male customer walks up to my register.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m old and ugly!”

    Me: “Well, thats not a very nice thing to say about yourself.”

    Customer: “You, on the other hand, might get old, but never ugly.”

    Me: “Aww, thanks.”

    Seeing Red

    | Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier in a local state-wide grocery store. We have a red logo. A customer comes through my line, and checks through without incident until she hands me her coupons.)

    Me: “Ma’am, these coupons are from [other national retailer with a red logo].”

    Customer: “But you both have a red logo! Can’t you take those?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not allowed to take coupons from other chains.”

    Customer: “But they’re both red! Why can’t you take them?!”

    Me: “They aren’t coupons from our store—”

    Customer: “IT’S RED!”

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