October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Her Son Is The Eggs-pert

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(An elderly lady comes in, whom we all call ‘Egg Lady’. She always complains about how we bag her eggs. We used to bag them in a single bag for her. As that’s wasteful, we tried putting bread on top of the eggs, but she complained that the bread cracks the eggs. It’s gotten bad enough that the manager now makes a point of ringing her up, bagging her stuff, and carrying her bags outside. She comes in the day after Thanksgiving to buy 10 cartons of eggs, and comes to my register.)

Me: “Oh, Mrs. [Name], let me call the manager.”

(I call him over to register, and then make some small talk.)

Me: “How was your Thanksgiving?”

Egg Lady: “It was nice this time. My family came in, and my son bought me four cartons of eggs. I don’t know how he does it, but he must buy some of those government eggs.”

Me: “Government eggs?”

(The manager has come over, and is checking her out. I move to his register to log on, and check out others. The manager takes care to place the cartons one on top of the other, but is called off by another associate. Egg Lady notices I have no customers.)

Egg Lady: “I don’t have time to wait. My son and his family are expecting breakfast. You can help me load these in the car.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I turn off my light and go to help her.)

Egg Lady: “Yep, my son told me how he got these eggs from the government. They are genetically mutating chickens to make stronger egg shells now with all these vitamins inside of them. Only problem is that sometimes the eggs are coming out green.”

(I just smile and nod as I start to put the egg cartons in her trunk with care.)

Me: “It’s interesting what they’ll come out with nowadays.”

Egg Lady: “I might buy some of those government eggs next time. I hear you can smash them against the wall and they won’t break.”

Me: “I wonder how you crack them open, then.”

(She suddenly glares at me, and yanks the last bag out of my hand.)

Egg Lady: “How dare you laugh at me! I’m going to report you to your manager! My son told me that he had government eggs, and you’re going to mock me. If I were your mother, I’d spank your behind!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I wasn’t meaning to laugh at you. I was just thinking out loud.”

Egg Lady: “I’m going to tell my son about you, so he can prove to you that there are government eggs.”

(She throws the last carton in, and slams the trunk. This knocks over a small crate she has in there. I hear the crunch of it hitting the eggs. The manager comes outside just as she’s peeling off in a huff.)

Manager: “She’s coming back tomorrow, isn’t she?”

Me: “Yep. I’m calling in sick tomorrow, so I don’t have to watch her crack all of our eggs to find the government ones.”

Pregnant With Potential

| Sarasota, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Money, Top

(I’m stocking shelves. A customer has been browsing the same aisle for quite some time. She is visibly pregnant, and looks as though she has been crying. She’s flipping through an envelope full of coupons and scrutinizing items before putting them back on the shelf. Another customer comes down the aisle and seems to pay her close attention for a moment. The second customer leaves the aisle but then comes back a few minutes later and hesitantly walks up to the pregnant customer.)

Nice Customer: “Excuse me. I may be way out of line, and please feel free to tell me to mind my own business if I am, but… are you afraid you’re going to have trouble paying for your groceries?”

Pregnant Customer: “Actually, yes I am. How did you know?”

Nice Customer: “A few years ago, I had a really difficult pregnancy. I was too sick to work and lost my job. It was a real struggle to make ends meet. I used to spend hours at the grocery store with every coupon I could find trying to save every penny I could. Looking at you was like looking in the mirror. Listen, I just went and checked out, and I came in a little under my weekly grocery budget. I know it’s not much, but I’d really like to give this to you.”

(She hands the pregnant woman a $20 bill. The woman promptly bursts into tears.)

Pregnant Customer: “You have no idea how much this means to me. My husband just left me for another woman. I have no idea how I’m going to support myself and my kid. My mother and brother died this year, and I have no one to lean on.”

Nice Customer: “After the hard times I went through, things got a lot better for me. It may sound like a cliché, but I believe you’ll get through this and be stronger than ever. Just hang in there, okay?”

Pregnant Customer: “Do you think maybe I could give you a hug?”

Nice Customer: “Of course.”

(The two women embrace for a long time. When they pull apart, they both wipe away tears. They don’t see, but so do I.)

Relationships, Like Hair, Can Be Parted

| Glen Rock, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A woman, her husband, and her sister are checking out on my line.)

Customer: “Your hair is FABULOUS!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “Can I touch it?”

Me: “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “21.”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “We have sons.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

Customer’s Sister: “…and they have girlfriends.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Think about the babies they would have! Good hair genes!”

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a good day!”

Customer: “GOOD HAIR GENES!”

Acting Like A Has-Bean

| Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is one coffee bean?”

Me: “One bean?”

Customer: “Yes, just one.”

Me: “Can I ask why you want a single bean?”

Customer: “Just tell me the price!”

Me: “Uh… well, they’re [price] per pound, so you could try to weigh one bean and work it out from there.”

Customer: “Perfect!”

(She weighs one bean. The scale comes up ‘0lb, 0oz’.)

Me: “Well, I guess if you just want one bean you can take it, although you won’t get much coffee from it.”

Customer: “That won’t be a problem.”

(She grabs the entire stack of bulk bags, and begins placing a single bean in each one, weighing it, and then printing out a price tag.)

Me: “Wha… hey! You can’t—”

(My manager suddenly appears.)

Manager: “Shush, let her finish.”

(It takes the customer nearly half an hour to load up as much coffee as she wants. She proceeds to an automatic checkout, but after scanning her second free bean, the machine stops.)

Automatic Checkout: “If you have combined two of the same item, please combine them.”

Customer: “D*** it!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry. These machines can be kind of picky. I’ll get that for you.”

(He stacks the entire mound of bagged coffee beans onto a scale, weighs it, and then presents her with the now massively inflated price.)

Customer: “I… hey! I’m not paying that much! Put them back.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m not permitted to return food to the shelves once it’s been handled.”

(They argue, and finally the shopper gives up and pays for the beans—and the bags. After the customer leaves, my manager returns.)

Me: “She paid!? We were all expecting her to throw them on the ground and run out!”

(I was actually correct! When I left the store, I noticed dozens of bulk bags strewn around the parking lot!)

The Biggest Abuser

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager at a fairly large grocery store. We have a regular customer who is paralyzed from the waist down. He’s roughly 20 years old. He is scooting around on one of the store’s electric scooters, when an obese customer walks up to him.)

Customer: “How dare you go around the store in one of those! You’re taking them away from people like me who do need them!”

Regular: “Well, ma’am, I’ve been paralyzed ever since I was 14. While you can walk around and get your groceries, I certainly can’t, so I’d say I need this more that you.”

Customer: “You make me sick; pretending to be a cripple!”

(The customer then PULLS the regular out of the chair and drops him. I run over to try to help him.)

Customer: “You! Get this sick piece of trash out of here! He’s pretending to be a cripple and—”

Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. [Regular] is most assuredly disabled, and you just picked him up and slammed him into the ground. Get out of my store, now, before I call the cops.”

Customer: “This is an injustice! I’ll sue you!” *knocks things off shelves and leaves*

(I get a call from corporate around a week later, because the customer has filed a complaint. I explain what really happened, and get the regular to confirm my story. The complaint is dropped, and the rowdy customer never returns.)

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