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    Urine Big Trouble Now

    | Maine, USA | Health & Body

    (A regular customer approaches me holding up a small blue plastic square.)

    Customer: “Do you have these?”

    Me: “Oh, is that one of the puppy pads?”

    Customer: “No, it’s for my wife.”

    (He then proceeds to unfold it. It is one of the large medical pads that go on beds under people suffering from incontinence, which happens to look like a large version of a puppy pad.)

    Me: “Oh, yes, sorry, they’re right this way.”

    (The customer follows me. When I hand him the product, he claims that is not it and holds the pad closer to me and shows me the other side. An awful smell emits from it. The cotton inside is crumbling from all the human urine it is holding.)

    Customer: “NO! I want one of these! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    (I stand in shock as he slaps his hand against the urine. He then walks off and I go to inform the manager so they can have the customer remove the item from the store. The worst part? The customer wanders into produce and starts picking through the grapes with his urine-covered hands. We had to compost out the whole grape bin!)

    Finders Stealers

    | Wilmington, VT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Money

    (I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

    (I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

    Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

    (Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

    (The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

    Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

    Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

    Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

    (Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

    Weekend Roundup: Caught Red-Handed

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Caught Red-Handed! There’s nothing quite as sheisty as customer trying to pull a fast one—and nothing quite as satisfying as catching one red-handed!

    1. Caught Red-Handed:
      A sneaky customer gets called out by another customer—who just happens to be an employee!
    2. Piercing Observation:
      Underaged customers FAIL, basic biology WIN.
    3. Caught Brown Handed:
      Proof that some trails of evidence are self-evident, salty and sticky!
    4. Tripped Up:
      If customers are gonna cry child abuse, they’d better “step” up their game!
    5. A Squeaky Clean Record:
      An employee takes it easy on a young (and very squeaky) scammer.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (A customer is in the produce section and selects a 10 lb. bag of potatoes. She’ll actually save money if she buys two 5 lb. bags of potatoes, due to a buy one, get one free deal.)

    Me: “Ma’am, our 5 lb. bags of potatoes are buy one, get one free this week.”

    (The customer looks back and forth between her 10 lb. and the two 5lb. bags. She is clearly confused.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but my family would never eat that many potatoes!”

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    A-moooo-sing Explanations

    | Pensacola, FL, USA |

    (As a grocery store bagger, I often help people load their items into their cars. Tonight, as I walk out the door with a customer, she notices milk all over the parking lot.)

    Lady: *casually, without missing a beat* “Oh, a cow exploded…”

    Related:
    A-moooo-sing Customers

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