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    Marked Down But Not Giving It Out

    | Helsinki, Finland | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (It is the 1990s. We have ‘marks’ as our currency. I work in the grocery store, and my duty is to sell fish and other seafood. A women approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you change this thousand mark bill into one 500, four 100’s,one 50, four 10’s and ten coins of 1 mark?”

    Me: “I’m sorry madam, I can’t. I don’t have a cash register here at all and I’m afraid that even cashiers aren’t allow to change a thousand mark bill, because it is early in the Saturday morning and we need to have small change in our cash registers. But there’s no harm asking; the cash registers are over there.”

    Customer: “No, no, I meant that can you change this from your own money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m a college student and work here only part time and since I’ve just paid my rent, I don’t even have that kind of a money in my bank account.”

    Customer: “I’m not interested what you have or don’t have in your bank account. I want you to change this for me. Take the money from your pockets.”

    Me: “Well, as I don’t have that kind of the money in my bank account, unfortunately I don’t have that kind of money in my pockets, either.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you. Show me your pockets!”

    Me: *showing* “As you can see, the only thing in my pocket is this handkerchief.”

    Customer: “But you are a woman, you surely have a hand bag, don’t you?”

    Me: “Well, yes I do.”

    Customer: “So, where is it?”

    Me: “It’s in my locker, in our locker room.”

    Customer: “So, why won’t you go to your hand bag and fetch the money from there?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t leave, because I’m the only seller here right now, and it wouldn’t be any use anyway. I can assure you that I don’t have 1000 marks in my purse either.”

    Customer: “So, why do you work here if you can’t even help a customer by changing my bill into a smaller bills and coins?”

    Me: “I work here because I need to finance my studies.”

    Customer: “Some fine financing! I can’t believe you won’t be able, or willing, to help me out!”

    I Don’t Work Here, Actually Worked Here, Part 2

    | WV, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a customer at the grocery store a week before Christmas, dressed very casually in a hoodie, jeans, and t-shirt. I’m waiting in the candy aisle for an employee to return, as I’ve asked her to find a specific brand for me. While I wait, I decide to be nice and help clean up fallen candy in the aisle. As I do so, a woman enters the aisle and stands 15 feet away from me but says nothing. After a minute, she finally speaks.)

    Customer: “Bridge mix.”

    Me: *completely baffled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “It’s got chocolate and nuts.”

    Me: “Well, chocolate is down at that end of the aisle.”

    Customer: *goes down, comes back* “It’s not there.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t know, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “You don’t work here?”

    (I smile and nod and go back to hanging the candy back up, thinking the exchange is over.)

    Customer: “You’re stocking.”

    Me: “Oh, no! I don’t work here! I’m just cleaning up the mess until the woman who is helping me gets back.”

    Customer: “You don’t work here.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Customer: “But you’re cleaning up the shelves?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (After a few moments she goes back down towards the chocolate section of the aisle to check again. I happen to look up and notice, on the highest row of candy, several bags of bridge mix.)

    Me: “Ma’am? I found it!”

    Customer: *comes scurrying over; sees it* “I need it about ten times bigger than that.”

    Me: “Well, there are more than ten bags here.”

    Customer: “What’s the price say?”

    Me: *stands on tiptoe to see* “The thing is blank, so, free?”

    Customer: “Typical.”

    Me: “Well, I hope you find it. Happy holidays.”

    Customer: “You learned something today!” *heads off*

    (Eventually the employee woman came back with my candy, and I was able to go off to do the rest of my shopping. However, I kept running into Bridge Mix Woman, and every time, she would tell me, ‘You learned something today!’ That’s why I gave the woman who ACTUALLY worked there a big hug!)

    I Don’t Work Here, Actually Worked Here

    His Translation Is A Sham(rock), Part 2

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Top

    (I am a customer checking out at a grocery store I shop at every week. There is one customer ahead of me. Paper and plastic bags are 5 cents each.)

    Cashier: “Would you like a bag for your items, sir?”

    Customer: *unintelligible grunt*

    Cashier: “I beg your pardon, sir?”

    Customer: *grunts again and waves*

    (The cashier starts to put the groceries in a plastic bag.)

    Customer: “What?! What the h*** do you think you’re doing?! I said no!

    (He starts into a loud, abusive tirade about how stupid the cashier is.)

    Me: *to the cashier* “Just tell him ‘Pogue Mahone’ (póg mo thóin). It’s an Irish saying that people say when they want to end an argument.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I know exactly what it means! I read notalwaysright.com!”

    Me: *smirks* “Do you really?”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes, I do, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “Oh? Then why are you acting like a customer who belongs on there?”

    (The customer turns bright red and shuts up. He is silent for the rest of his transaction. As he is getting ready to leave, he turns to me.)

    Customer: “Any chance this can stay just between us?”

    Me: *grins and laughs* “Not a chance in h***!”

    Customer: *scowls* “B****!”

    (He finally leaves.)

    Cashier: “This is going on notalwaysright.com, isn’t it?”

    Me: *still grinning* “You bet!”

    (She ended up convincing her manager to give me an employee discount on my groceries because I got one of the rudest regulars to shut his mouth.)

    His Translation Is A Sham(rock)

    The High Cost Of Racism

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (A customer is with my coworker, and seems to be acting rude. I come over to see what is happening.)

    Coworker: “Your total is $48.76.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! This is supposed to be on sale!” *shows an old coupon for different store*

    Coworker: “We cannot accept that.”

    Customer: “No, no no! It’s on sale! You’re incompetent! I knew you wouldn’t’ be any help! You n***** shouldn’t be taking jobs from good, Christian, white people!”

    (At this point, my coworker is on the verge of tears. The customer then grabs random kid, who appears to be 10 or 11.)

    Kid: “Let go!”

    Customer: *to kid* “Don’t you think this lady is mean for taking white peoples’ jobs?”

    Kid: “No, but I do think that you are a idiotic, rude, racist that needs to let go of me right now!”

    (The stunned customer runs out of the store. We track down the kid’s parent, who ended up getting a $10 gift card which she spent on a toy for the kid!)

    Setting Mother Straight

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m working the cash register when a mom comes through with a teenage daughter in a private school uniform. I’m pretty flamboyantly gay.)

    Me: “Hello today, ladies. Did you find everything you need?”

    Mom: “Just shut up and finish this f**.”

    (I’m used to this kind of abuse, so I continue ringing her up. I notice the daughter roll her eyes at her mother, but doesn’t comment.)

    Me: “And if you could just sign that receipt right there, ma’am.”

    Mom: *snatches receipt* “You should be ashamed of yourself! Acting that way in front of my daughter! Homosexuals are ruining this country! Look at those two over there making out in the middle of the store!”

    (Her rant continues as she points to a young couple walking through the store holding hands. She then goes on to attack the ‘biker chick’ with the tattoo in the next line. I can see her daughter getting angrier, and finally she snaps.)

    Daughter: “Can you please just stop? This guy’s been pretty d*** helpful and probably has better taste in men than you! And those two are freakin’ adorable so leave them alone. You want to hear something really good? I have a boyfriend. We’ve had sex. Oh, and I got a tattoo.”

    (She proceeds to rip up the back of her shirt to reveal a tattoo on her lower back before turning back around to face her mother.)

    Daughter: “And you can’t say anything because I’m an adult just like every other person in this store. So you can take your prejudiced opinions and shove them up your a**. If you want me, I’ll be at Dad’s!” *storms out*

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