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    In Her Own Inbred World

    | Glen Rock, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (I have a tattoo in memory of my cousin who passed away. We were really close. I always get people asking me about it, but this one is by far the worst.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *grabs my wrist and looks at my tattoo* “Who’s Johnny?”

    Me: “He’s my cousin.”

    Customer: “Oh! I wanted to marry my cousin once. I was in love with him.”

    Me: “Oh…well…it’s not like that.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, because he’s my second cousin.”

    Me: “It’s not like that. My cousin passed away. I got this tattoo to remember him. I’m not in love with him.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s nice. I should have married my cousin…” *walks away*

    Slob Calling The Coffee Black

    | Rhode Island, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I am walking down one of our grocery store’s aisles when I overhear a couple talking.)

    Husband: “Crap, I dropped my coffee. Honey, find some paper towels.”

    Wife: “What?! No! Just leave it there. They have people walk around and clean up these things. It’s fine!”

    Husband: “Um, I—”

    Wife: “Just leave it! We have too much to do.”

    (The wife then turns and sees me. She doesn’t miss a beat.)

    Wife: “Someone just dropped this and left it. People are slobs. You should clean this up before someone gets hurt!”

    Without Money, You’re Just Funny

    | South Dakota, USA | Money

    (I work at the customer service counter at a grocery chain. We sell tickets for the state lotteries. A disheveled-looking gentleman approaches the counter and buys a ticket.)

    Customer: “What’s the [lottery name] up to?”

    Me: “The current jackpot is [amount].”

    Customer: “That’d be kind of nice, you know. I’d be eccentric if I had that much money. Right now, I’m just weird!”

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

    Your Mood Speaks Volumes

    | Berlin, VT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (A customer obviously having a bad day comes through my line. She throws her stuff down on the belt.)

    Me: “Did you find everything—”

    Customer: “JUST DO YOUR JOB!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I give her the total, and she all but throws her money at me and rips her change out of my hand.)

    Customer: “TOOK LONG ENOUGH!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

    (The next day, the same customer comes through my line. I greet her and start putting her items through.)

    Customer: “Look, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I was having a bad day and had no right to treat you that way.”

    Me: “That’s alright, ma—”

    Customer: “NO! IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT ALRIGHT!”

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