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    Un-bare-ably Competitive

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (It’s the end of the day at the grocery deli. Most of the other customers have left. I am just about to start closing up when a last customer walks up. He is wearing oversized glasses and mismatched clothing, as if he hasn’t done his laundry in a while.)

    Customer: “Hey, you closing up?”

    Me: “I’ve got enough time for ya! What do you need?”

    (He orders and I begin preparing it.)

    Customer: “So, how is that job?”

    Me: “Nothing really to complain about, other than the occasional weird customer—”

    Customer: “You know, I’m pretty weird! You want to see how weird I am?”

    Me: “No, sir, that’s all right, I was just—”

    (The customer proceeds to pull down his pants right in the middle of the store and does a little victory pose. I’m so dumbfounded I almost cut myself on the slicer.)

    Customer: *pulling his pants up* “I bet you haven’t met anyone weirder than that yet, have ya?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I most definitely have not.”

    No Manners For Minions

    | Colorado, USA | Bizarre

    (Although it’s my first day at my job in the grocery department, I used to work in customer service in the same store. There’s a particular customer who often visited me in customer service. I fixed his transactions many times before and he has been nothing but nice. As I’m walking around putting stock in the aisles, this same customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do you have split peas?”

    Me: “What kind are you looking for? I believe we have some one aisle over with the canned food. We also have frozen peas with the frozen vegetables.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

    (A little while later, the original customer finds me.)

    Customer: “I just want to let you know I found dry split peas in the same aisle we were talking in, on the lowest shelf. You don’t know your job.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s my first day and I’m still learning.”

    Customer: “WELL, YOU SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO THINK! You should know where everything is before they hire idiots like you!”

    See Food Can Be A Hard Shell

    | Bensalem, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (Our store is advertising a big sale on lobsters. By the middle of the day, we’ve run out of them. After that, this exchange happens with at least 3 different customers.)

    Customer: “I’d like two lobsters, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re actually out of lobsters.”

    Customer: “Well, what about those?” *points to the tank*

    Me: “Those are rocks.”

    More Middle Ages Than Middle-Aged

    | Minnesota, USA |

    (A middle-aged customer approaches me at checkout.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.65.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s the year I was born!”

    Urine Big Trouble Now

    | Maine, USA | Health & Body

    (A regular customer approaches me holding up a small blue plastic square.)

    Customer: “Do you have these?”

    Me: “Oh, is that one of the puppy pads?”

    Customer: “No, it’s for my wife.”

    (He then proceeds to unfold it. It is one of the large medical pads that go on beds under people suffering from incontinence, which happens to look like a large version of a puppy pad.)

    Me: “Oh, yes, sorry, they’re right this way.”

    (The customer follows me. When I hand him the product, he claims that is not it and holds the pad closer to me and shows me the other side. An awful smell emits from it. The cotton inside is crumbling from all the human urine it is holding.)

    Customer: “NO! I want one of these! You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    (I stand in shock as he slaps his hand against the urine. He then walks off and I go to inform the manager so they can have the customer remove the item from the store. The worst part? The customer wanders into produce and starts picking through the grapes with his urine-covered hands. We had to compost out the whole grape bin!)


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