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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Not Exactly The Sweetest Customer

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (My store has a brand of cookies on sale for half price. On the shelf above them is a smaller pack of the same brand that is not on sale).

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do these bigger cookies cost less than these small ones?”

    Me: “Those cookies are on sale this week. They usually cost more.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know they’re on sale, but why doesn’t the smaller pack cost less?”

    Me: “Only the cookies in the larger size are on sale. The other ones are at regular price.”

    Customer: “But aren’t they the same?”

    Me: “Yes they’re the same brand, but only the larger size is on sale.”

    (At this point, the customer grabs hold of my arm.)

    Customer: “Yes, but why are the bigger ones cheaper? That’s more sugar! If you have too much sugar you can get diabetes! It’s not healthy!”

    Me: “Um, sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to buy the bigger pack. I just want the smaller one. It’s too much sugar for me. Why should I have to buy the bigger one?”

    Me: “Er, well, you don’t HAVE to buy the bigger one.”

    (The customer sighs, shakes his head, and grabs the bigger pack of cookies. He leaves muttering about how everything has so much sugar in it.)

    Skimmed Milk, Skimmed Brain

    | Toronto, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need 2% milk.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s just right there on the shelf behind you.”

    Customer: “No, not that. That’s the 2% PARTLY SKIMMED milk. I want just the regular 2% milk.”

    Me: “Oh, but all 2% milk is partly skimmed. That’s what it means.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t want that light stuff. I want just regular 2% milk.”

    Me: “All 2% milk is partly skimmed. That’s what is means.”

    Customer: “No! I buy regular 2% milk all the time at [competitor].”

    Me: “Well, you probably just never noticed the label before, but I’m sure if you do, you’ll see it says partly skimmed.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe they don’t have regular 2% milk here. What kind of grocery store is this?!”

    Forever Seeing Conspiracies

    | Arvada, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at the customer service desk of a grocery store. A small old woman approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi, there! What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I need some stamps.”

    Me: “Would you like a book of 20 or a different amount?”

    Customer: “A book.”

    (I pull out the book of stamps and lay them in front of her as I ring in the order.)

    Customer: “Are those the forever stamps?”

    Me: “All we carry are the forever stamps.”

    Customer: “This design was created to support Al Qaeda!”

    (I look at the stamps, and what do I see? An American flag with Lady Liberty’s face on them.)

    I Think We’ve Found The Grinch

    | Stayton, OR, USA | Bizarre

    (I am a courtesy clerk and volunteered to work on Christmas. While getting the carts from the parking lot, a man who is in his mid-20s is exiting to the store.)

    Me: “Happy holidays, sir.”

    Customer: *turns his head, flashes an evil grin, laughs maniacally, and continues walking to the car*

    Coworker: “I’m scared for you.”

    On Our Side For Once

    | New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests

    (A customer left her shopping cart in front of my register. Another customer is walking up before I can move it. This is a huge pet peeve of mine.)

    Customer: “Did they leave that there so I would trip?”

    Me: “No, she left it because she was lazy.”

    Customer: *completely seriously* “You’re so nice!”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Customer: “You’re just as nice as everyone else who works here. Do they only hire nice people here?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, they try to only hire nice people here.”

    Customer: “Well, you tell your manager to start hiring some rude people!”

    Me: “Excuse me, Sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! Hire some rude people! Keep us on our toes!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll let someone know.”


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