November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Scaring Is Caring

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(A young mom with a five- or six-year-old girl approach my register.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Mom: “I’m fine, thanks.”

Girl: “I’m scared!”

Me: *to girl* “What are you scared of?”

Girl: “You!”

Me: “Me?”

(Her mom and I look at each other, giggling a bit.)

Me: “Would I be less scary if I gave you a sticker?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Would you like a sticker anyway?”

Girl: “Okay.”

(I finish up the transaction, and they walk towards the exit.)

Me: “Thanks! Bye, scaredy-cat!”

Girl: “Bye, strange lady!”

(She was so cute; I’m still giggling.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a gas station. A construction company has accidentally knocked out our power. After getting the store closed up and the closed signs are posted to the doors, we wait for the power to be restored. A customer parks her car at the gas pumps, walks to the entrance, and pounds on the door.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we’ve experienced a power outage and we’re closed for a few more hours.”

Customer: “I need to get gas.”

Me: I’m sorry, but as I said, we’re closed at the moment. I hate to do it, but I have to send you to the gas station across the street.

Customer: “Don’t you have a key to the register? Why can’t you take my money and let me get my gas? Everybody else does it manually.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to understand. Without electricity, the gas pump won’t work. I wish we could help you, but we can’t right now.”

Customer: “Well, I know the owner of this store personally. And you can tell him I am very dissatisfied with the service from his employees. He won’t like this at all.”

Me: *smiling* “Ma’am, he’s actually right here, and you can speak with him yourself.”

(I step aside, and the owner of the store, who has been listening, walks to the front door.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, but who are you? The power is out right now and we’re closed!”

(The owner pulls the door closed, locks it, and walks away from the very embarrassed customer.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner

And The Children Shall Lead

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I am cleaning off my register, when I hear two customers arguing in my line.)

Customer #1: “I was here first!”

Customer #2: “No, I was!”

Customer #1: “I WAS! I was here literally five seconds before you, b****! It’s my turn!”

(Customer #2 rams her cart into Customer #1’s and gets ahead.)

Customer #2: “I win!”

(Customer #1 flips her off and goes to the next lane. I’m not really sure what to do, so I just start ringing up her groceries.)

Me: “And how are you today?”

Customer #2: “Oh, just fine! Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line? I mean really!”

Count On A Teenager

| FL, USA | Math & Science, Money

(I am doing some shopping. I am in the soda aisle, when an older customer comes up to me. I am 18.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I was hoping you could do me a favor. I don’t have a calculator, and I only need one of these.”

(The customer points to sodas marked five for $11.)

Customer: “Could you figure out how much one is?”

Me: “Of course! One is $2.20.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “If you didn’t want to do it, you could have just said so! There’s no way some stupid teenager like you could figure that out without a calculator! You teenagers can’t even add or subtract without one; how could you possibly work out decimals without one? You just made up a number to get me to go away! I’m on a budget, trying to make sure I have enough to pay for my groceries, and here you are telling me an incorrect number! You could have completely ruined my budget for the rest of the month by making me go over!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry that you think I was trying to do that to you.”

(I pull out my phone and do the math.)

Me: “The price is still $2.20. But just because you only know stupid teenagers, doesn’t mean you should assume everyone you meet is the same. Might I remind you that you had me do it for you, because you didn’t have a calculator?”

Has A Vocation For Location

| Rochester, NY, USA | Geography, Top

(I work in a very high end grocery store, with many rich customers. I approach a lost-looking customer.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I doubt it; the last time I shopped here no one could help me find a d*** thing!”

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. I know where everything is, and I’m sure I can help you if you’d like.”

Customer: *sarcastic* “Oh really, you know where everything is?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Pickles?”

Me: “Aisle 16B.”

Customer: “Note cards.”

Me: “17.”

Customer: “Anchovies.”

Me: “16B again.”

Customer: “Batteries.”

Me: “Next to register one.”

(This rapid fire Q&A goes on for five more minutes. I never mess up.)

Customer: “Alright smart guy, where are the shores of Tripoli?”

Me: “Libya.”

Customer: “Wow, I was just trying to throw you off there. How did you know that off the top of your head?”

Me: “I told you; I know where everything is.”

No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4