October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

No Produce Reduce

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(The customer in question is our grocery store’s former produce manager. She was encouraged to ‘retire’, because she was caught raising the prices of the produce so her sales would be better. She has a return and a few items, so I do her return and scan her items to balance out the difference in which she only owes me one cent.)

Me: “Okay, your total is one cent.”

Customer: “That’s not right. The onions are ringing up wrong.”

(I look at my screen, and the onions she bought were ringing up 68 cents a pound.)

Me: “They’re only 68 cents.”

Customer: “They are supposed to be 99 cents a pound! That’s what the sign says.”

Me: “Those are for large onions. You bought medium ones.”

Customer: “Well… I guess I’ll take them for that price, but your new produce manager needs to learn how to price things right.”

(She storms out in a huff, and my manager walks over.)

Manager: “Did she just… want to pay the higher price?”

Me: “Yes… and while you’re here, I’m reaching into my pocket to get the penny that she forgot to pay me for her stuff.”

In Line And Out Of Line

| Durban, South Africa | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money, Top

(I’m in line to pay. Customer #1 in front of me is about in his 40s, and very well-dressed in a suit and tie. Customer #2 in front of him seems to be a single mother with her child. I’m 25, and pretty shabbily dressed; wearing only faded jeans, an old, novelty Star Wars shirt, and have my long hair almost covering my eyes.)

Customer #1: “Lady, can you hurry up! Some people are important and actually have places to be!”

(Customer #2 is fumbling with her money. In her cart she only has basic groceries and what appears to be a birthday cake for her child. She mumbles something about not having enough money, and decides to leave the cake behind.)

Customer #1: “Don’t waste everyone’s time if you can’t even pay for your s***! Or maybe you need another government handout that comes from my taxes?!”

(At this point, I feel like I’ve got to step in.)

Me: “Hey man, that’s enough!”

Customer #1: “Who do you think you are? I’ll have you know I’m the [high profile position] at [large shipping company], and no one ever talks to me like that.”

(Suddenly, I become much more respectful.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. I had no idea you were so important. Would you mind if I asked you for your business card?”

(Customer #1 smugly hands me his card. I see he is, indeed, who he says he is.)

Me: “And here’s my business card.”

Customer #1: “Why the h*** would I want your—”

(Customer #1 suddenly goes pale, as he notices that I am co-owner of [large shipping company].)

Me: “Now that I know your name, I’ll be sure to phone your supervisor to ensure you’re put on probation. One more act like this and you’re fired.”

(Customer #1 stammers for a bit, before practically running from the store. I end up paying for the mother’s cake, and even gave them a bit extra to buy the kid any toy from the store.)

They Should Have Stolen Some Intelligence

| CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(Three shoplifters run out of the store with a bunch of liquor. Our Loss Prevention agent has been watching them, and manages to catch the one holding most of the liquor, but the other two get away. Later in the night, the police come. One officer goes upstairs with the shoplifter, while the other takes quick statements from us. Suddenly, the two other shoplifters who had run off earlier came back inside.)

Shoplifter: “Hey, is our friend still here?”

(I quickly look at the cop right behind me.)

Me: “Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs.”

Shoplifter: “Sweet, can one of you guys go upstairs to get him or something? He has our pot.”

(The cop and I share an incredulous look, while the two shoplifters just stand there.)

Cop: “I think you’re gonna need to come with me.”

(The officer took the shoplifters upstairs, where they were all arrested for possession.)

Call-Waiting Will Keep Her Waiting

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(I work in the meat and seafood section of our store. Two customers approach. Customer #1 is a forty-something woman in business attire, who is glued to her cell phone. I engage her first.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

(Customer #1 holds up her index finger to me in the standard ‘wait’ gesture without making eye contact, and continues talking on her phone without missing a beat. I wait a few seconds to see if she’ll end the call. When she doesn’t, I go over to help Customer #2.)

Me: “Welcome to [store]. Can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Yes, I’d like one pound of—”

Customer #1: “Hey! I’m next in line! You never took my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t think you were ready to order.”

Customer #1: “Well, I am! Get over here and help me!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to help you once I’ve finished this lady’s order, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “I was here before her! You call your manager over here right now!”

(I call the manager over on the intercom, and go back to filling the Customer #2’s order. After a minute or so, the manager arrives.)

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

(I point to Customer #1, who is still on her phone call.)

Me: “She wants to talk to you.”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am? What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #1: *gives him the ‘wait’ finger*

Manager: “I don’t have time for this.”

(The manager starts walking away.)

Customer #1: “Hey, you get back here! This employee was rude to me!”

Manager: *gives her the ‘wait’ finger without turning around*

Customer #1: “ARGH! I hate this store!”

Saving Souls And Money

| Buena Park, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

( One late night, a customer comes up dressed in very stereotypical goth attire and makeup.)

Me: “Okay, sir! Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “Look me in the eyes.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

(I look the customer directly in the eyes. He starts speaking in a steady voice.)

Customer: “You will give me a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t just give you a discount.”

Customer: “Yes, you will. I am a vampire lord, and you are under my mental control.”

Me: *in the same type of steady voice* “You are a vampire lord, and I am under your mental control.”

Customer: “Very good. Now give me a discount or I will consume your soul.”

Me: “But master, as you can clearly see, I am a ginger, and it is common knowledge that gingers have no souls.”

(The customer stares into my eyes silently for a few seconds, and then breaks eye contact.)

Customer: “D***, you’re right. It was worth a try.”

(The customer pays and leaves.)

Supervisor: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah?”

Supervisor: “You’re blond.”

Me: “Really? THAT’S what you picked up on?”

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