• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,562 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Mom Is Bugging Out

    | Monroe, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My customer is a young high-school kid wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt, hemp necklace, torn jeans, and sandals. He usually comes to my checkout line because I don’t give him a hard time when he buys a ton of munchies with very red eyes. This time he looks surprisingly sober.)

    Me: “Evening, pal, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Ugh, not so great.”

    (He proceeds to put 16 cans of bug spray on the counter.)

    Me: “Yikes, got a bug problem?”

    Customer: “No, but my mom thinks we do. She doesn’t realize she accidentally ate one of my, uh, you know, special cookies, and I have to play along so she doesn’t figure out it’s not real.”

    (Years later, I returned to the area to find him wearing a suit and tie as store manager!)

    Honest About His Scam

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (An eight-year-old boy has been pulling the same scam about three days a week for almost a month. He comes to the checkout with a few items and is always around $2 short. He freezes like a deer in headlights when asked if he would like to put an item back or go get more money. He’s gotten the act down so well, almost every time another customer feels bad for him and offers him the $2.)

    Me: “Okay, the total is $12.12.”

    Child: “I only have a $10.”

    Me: “Do you want to put this back?” *holds up item* “It’s $2.19, so then you’d have enough.”

    Child: “Ummmm. I don’t know. My mom needs it. She said to get these six things.”

    Me: “You can go home and get the $2.12. I’ll hold these things here and you can come back to me and pay.”

    Child: “Ummmm… I don’t…”

    (Just then, a customer behind him speaks up.)

    Customer: “I’ll give it to him.”

    Me: “No. He does this all the time. We aren’t allowing other customers to pay anymore.”

    Customer: “It’s just $2.”

    Me: “Right, but he’s probably made $100 this month doing this same thing. We won’t allow any other customers to cover his groceries.” *turns to child* “You’ll need to go home and ask your mom what she wants you to do.”

    (About 10 minutes later, the boy returns. I figure the boy has been pocketing the money, but it turns out he hasn’t.)

    Child: “My mom said to get the money from another customer. She says they always give it to me, and why can’t I get someone to give it to me this time?”

    Although He Uses A Lot Of Ranch

    | Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There is a customer coming through my line that is wearing cowboy clothing complete with 10-gallon hat, shiny belt buckle, and cowboy boots. There is another customer with a young boy standing behind them. I watch as the boy yanks on his mother’s skirt and points to the man in front.)

    Young Boy: “Excuse me, sir; are you a REAL cowboy?”

    Customer: *in a thick Texas drawl* “Why yes little man I am, but I only got to be a real cowboy because I ate all my vegetables and listened to my mother.”

    (The customer then tips his hat to the mother and leaves. The boy does nothing but gush about his cowboy experience.)

    Young Boy: “Mom! Go get more vegetables!”

    The First And True Language Of America

    | Santa Fe, NM, USA | Bigotry, History, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m waiting in line behind a woman speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)

    Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”

    Woman: “Excuse me?”

    Man: *very slow* “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”

    Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.”

    Some People Never Change

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m on my first shift at a new grocery store job as a cashier. The store isn’t very busy, and things have been running quite smoothly. A middle-aged customer and her teenage daughter approach my register. I ring her up and bag her items.)

    Me: “That will be £8.90, please.”

    (While smiling sweetly at me, she hands me £10. I give her the appropriate change and receipt.)

    Woman: “Um, excuse me, trainee, but I handed you a £20 note.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry, I’ll just check that for you.”

    (During the transaction, I had opened only the register to put her £10 inside. Due to store policy, all £20 notes have to be put in a security box under the register. Therefore, no £20 notes are in the register at all. I apologize, and explain this to her. She is all the while still smiling sweetly.)

    Woman: “No, stupid girl, it was definitely a 20, wasn’t it?” *turns to her daughter*

    Daughter: “Yeah, I saw it.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but there is absolutely no physical £20 note in my cash register. Please, feel free to look.”

    (She leans over and looks, then withdraws, still smiling.)

    Woman: “Well, you must have just pocketed it while I wasn’t looking. Let’s not drag this out, honey. I’m not leaving until I get my change.”

    (At this point, I call over my supervisor to help me deal with the situation. The woman explains her stance and I tell him exactly what I informed the customer. My supervisor explains that he would be more than happy to review security footage if she suspects theft. At this point her smile seems to disintegrate.)

    Woman: “I really don’t have the time for this nonsense. If my hard-earned money means so much to that tramp then she can keep it.”

    (The woman finally picks up her bag and leaves, her daughter following briskly, but not before telling me to ‘get a life.’ My supervisor leans in and speaks in a low voice.)

    Supervisor: “Don’t worry about her. The girl she was with does the same thing whenever there’s a new face on a register. Now I see where she gets it from.”