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    Things Every Employee Must Grow Accustomed To

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (While putting out some stock in the organic produce section of a small grocery store, I get asked this question by a well-to-do customer his early thirties.)

    Customer: “Is this all your organic stuff?”

    Me: “Yep, everything on this wall.”

    Customer: “Great! What about the rest of the produce? Is it safe to eat?”

    Me: “Yeah, they might have just used pesticides and whatnot on them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but are they still grown on trees, or are they all made in a factory?”

    Me: “No…they’re all still grown on trees and in fields.”

    Customer: “So, they’re all still grown on trees and stuff?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!” *walks off*

    (Another customer has heard our conversation and turns to me.)

    Another Customer: “They don’t pay you nearly enough, do they?”

    In Her Own Inbred World

    | Glen Rock, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (I have a tattoo in memory of my cousin who passed away. We were really close. I always get people asking me about it, but this one is by far the worst.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *grabs my wrist and looks at my tattoo* “Who’s Johnny?”

    Me: “He’s my cousin.”

    Customer: “Oh! I wanted to marry my cousin once. I was in love with him.”

    Me: “Oh…well…it’s not like that.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, because he’s my second cousin.”

    Me: “It’s not like that. My cousin passed away. I got this tattoo to remember him. I’m not in love with him.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s nice. I should have married my cousin…” *walks away*

    Slob Calling The Coffee Black

    | Rhode Island, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I am walking down one of our grocery store’s aisles when I overhear a couple talking.)

    Husband: “Crap, I dropped my coffee. Honey, find some paper towels.”

    Wife: “What?! No! Just leave it there. They have people walk around and clean up these things. It’s fine!”

    Husband: “Um, I—”

    Wife: “Just leave it! We have too much to do.”

    (The wife then turns and sees me. She doesn’t miss a beat.)

    Wife: “Someone just dropped this and left it. People are slobs. You should clean this up before someone gets hurt!”

    Without Money, You’re Just Funny

    | South Dakota, USA | Money

    (I work at the customer service counter at a grocery chain. We sell tickets for the state lotteries. A disheveled-looking gentleman approaches the counter and buys a ticket.)

    Customer: “What’s the [lottery name] up to?”

    Me: “The current jackpot is [amount].”

    Customer: “That’d be kind of nice, you know. I’d be eccentric if I had that much money. Right now, I’m just weird!”

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

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