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    And A Pound Of Pronunciation, Please

    | USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)

    Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”

    Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”

    Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”

    Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*

    (An hour later, he returns.)

    Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”

    You Attitude Is Just Peachy

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me. How much are your peaches?”

    Me: “We don’t have peaches at the moment, ma’am, sorry.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Do you mean the nectarines? They’re 5.99 a kilo.”

    Customer: *snaps* “I know what nectarines look like, missy.”

    Me: “All right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate that, but peaches aren’t in season right now. There are none around. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Does your boss know you talk to people like this?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe if you show me what you’re talking about, then I can help you.”

    Customer: “The peaches! I want to know how much the peaches are! It’s a simple question!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are no peaches in this store. Just…please show me what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “FINE.”

    (The customer takes me to the store front and points at a display.)

    Customer: “THESE!”

    Me: “Those are mangoes.”

    Un-bare-ably Competitive

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (It’s the end of the day at the grocery deli. Most of the other customers have left. I am just about to start closing up when a last customer walks up. He is wearing oversized glasses and mismatched clothing, as if he hasn’t done his laundry in a while.)

    Customer: “Hey, you closing up?”

    Me: “I’ve got enough time for ya! What do you need?”

    (He orders and I begin preparing it.)

    Customer: “So, how is that job?”

    Me: “Nothing really to complain about, other than the occasional weird customer—”

    Customer: “You know, I’m pretty weird! You want to see how weird I am?”

    Me: “No, sir, that’s all right, I was just—”

    (The customer proceeds to pull down his pants right in the middle of the store and does a little victory pose. I’m so dumbfounded I almost cut myself on the slicer.)

    Customer: *pulling his pants up* “I bet you haven’t met anyone weirder than that yet, have ya?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I most definitely have not.”

    No Manners For Minions

    | Colorado, USA | Bizarre

    (Although it’s my first day at my job in the grocery department, I used to work in customer service in the same store. There’s a particular customer who often visited me in customer service. I fixed his transactions many times before and he has been nothing but nice. As I’m walking around putting stock in the aisles, this same customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do you have split peas?”

    Me: “What kind are you looking for? I believe we have some one aisle over with the canned food. We also have frozen peas with the frozen vegetables.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

    (A little while later, the original customer finds me.)

    Customer: “I just want to let you know I found dry split peas in the same aisle we were talking in, on the lowest shelf. You don’t know your job.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s my first day and I’m still learning.”

    Customer: “WELL, YOU SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO THINK! You should know where everything is before they hire idiots like you!”

    See Food Can Be A Hard Shell

    | Bensalem, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (Our store is advertising a big sale on lobsters. By the middle of the day, we’ve run out of them. After that, this exchange happens with at least 3 different customers.)

    Customer: “I’d like two lobsters, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re actually out of lobsters.”

    Customer: “Well, what about those?” *points to the tank*

    Me: “Those are rocks.”


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