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  • A Total Brazil Nut
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  • Give The Beneficent The Benefit Of The Doubt

    | Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a few days before Valentine’s Day, so there are a lot of rush orders for flowers. One of our usual customers, Ben, is an elderly man who isn’t mentally healthy, but he’s a sweet man who doesn’t bother anyone. He’s decided to buy 100 roses and stand outside to hand them out to women, young and old alike.)

    Female Customer #1: “I want your manager.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am…”

    (I call for my manager, who arrives shortly.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Female Customer #1: “There’s a drunk outside accosting women. I want to know what kind of store lets drunkards stand around like that to bother ladies. He’s standing out there slurring and making sexual comments to everyone.”

    (As she explains this, another female customer with her daughter has been standing nearby. After she finishes, the second female customer interjects.)

    Female Customer #2: “I hope you don’t mean Ben.”

    Female Customer #1: “Who the f*** asked you?”

    Female Customer #2: *to my manager* “Ben isn’t doing anything at all. This lady here asked for two flowers and started hitting him with her purse when he only gave her one.”

    Female Customer #1: “You f***ing liar! You’re just some godless w****!”

    Manager: “Lady, if getting a d*** flower for Valentine’s Day pisses you off this much, I feel sorry for the poor b*****d who gets in a relationship with you. Get out of my store and don’t come back.”

    (The manager brought Ben in, who was in tears and confused. However, he cheered up when he received some very nice comments from other customers as well as a free meal from my manager.)

    A Wally With The Wallets

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m a customer in line at the checkout counter, the third in line behind another customer whose items have already been scanned. This store has a rewards card, meaning you get a discount by using it and if not you pay full price. The woman doesn’t have the card with her.)

    Customer: “I am not about to spend full price when you know I have a card with you! Look it up in the computer.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I can’t. The cards are free and aren’t name-assigned.”

    Customer: “LOOK. IT. UP.”

    (For about five minutes this is the exchange, with the woman clearly convinced their system is more advanced than it really is.)

    Cashier: “Ma’am, please… there’s a line behind you. I have to wait on these people but I’ll be glad to call the manager over and let him talk to you.”

    Customer: “Well, fine… take the man right here and then we’ll continue talking.”

    (Much to our relief, the manager finally arrives.)

    Manager: “So, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my card with me and this dumb b**** of a cashier won’t look me up in the system.”

    Manager: “You didn’t fill out any paperwork or give a name or email address when you got that card, did you?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Manager: “Then how are we supposed to look it up in the system? There’s no information attached to your card.”

    Customer: “Well, I shouldn’t be expected to carry my wallet everywhere I go just to wave these stupid cards around! ”

    Manager:” Ma’am… isn’t that your wallet in your hand?”

    Customer: “Yes, but this is my wallet that holds my money and my credit cards! I don’t carry all that other s*** in this one!”

    Shaq To Reality

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the meat/seafood department of my store. Being in Orlando, it’s not uncommon for players from the Orlando Magic to come shopping at our store. This causes my coworkers to start a running gag: whenever we serve an especially tall customer, one of them will usually say, ‘Hey, look! It’s Shaq!’ out of the customer’s hearing.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [my name], look. It’s Shaq.”

    (I have my head in the shrimp case, and am unable to see over the counter, so I just mutter a reply.)

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Coworker: “Seriously, [my name]. Shaq’s coming this way.”

    Me: “Right.”

    (I pull my head out of the case, I see a tall man walk right up to me from the other side of the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Shaq: “You got any live lobsters?”

    (My jaw hangs open. It’s really Shaq.)

    Me: “Uh… I’ve got some in the tank back here.”

    Shaq: “Thanks.”

    (He walks away without saying anything else or purchasing anything.)

    Coworker: “I told you it was Shaq, man!”

    Off The Clock And Into The Fired

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

    (It’s my day off, and I’m shopping at the store where I work when this happens.)

    Customer: “You!” *runs up to me*

    Me: “Uh, yes?”

    Customer: “That’s not how you respond to a paying customer. You’re supposed to say, ‘How may I help you today, ma’am’, and smile!”

    Me: “Um, actually right now I’m a paying customer too.”

    Customer: “You still work here don’t, you? So, you have to help me or I will get you fired!”

    Me: “I’m not working right now. That means—”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it means!”

    Me: “It means that I cannot help you, will not help you, and it also means I get to walk away.”

    (A few minutes pass. Then the customer returns with my manager.)

    Customer: *points at me* “Her! She refused to help me. Fire her!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, she’s not working today. She’s here as a customer, and if that was you I heard yelling at her, that means I can kick you out of the store for harassing other customers. Please finish your shopping and leave.”

    Customer: “But she still works here so she has to help me! I am the customer! I am right!”

    Manager: “Geez.” *hands me her manager card* “Use this on your stuff to get my discount. I have to deal with this.”

    Me: “Remember boss, the customer is always right!”

    Manager: “Oh, shut up.”

    An Accidental Hero

    | WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a grocery store. I see two teenage boys come in and grab a few things.)

    Teenager #1: *slightly dazed * “Hey… can I ask you a question?

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Teenager #1: “Do we look bad?”

    Me: “Bad? How do you mean bad?”

    Teenager #1: “Like, you know, accident-bad?”

    Me: “Well, I did notice you two are a bit scuffed up.”

    Teenager #1: “We flipped our four wheeler when some guy tried to run us off the road.”

    Me: “Oh my gosh! Are you both alright?”

    Teenager #1: “We think so. All we want to do is just get our stuff for tonight and head back home.”

    (Just then, the other teenager promptly keels over. I call my manager and we get an ambulance to store. The EMTs check out both and report that they are both good and that the second one only passed out from the shock that settled in. Once the EMT gets the other teen to come around I used my house account to get them some water and a snack bar to help settle them. I then offer to take them home since I lived near by once they told the EMT where they lived. At first they didn’t want to because the first teen didn’t want to leave his four wheeler, but my manager says that it can be put in the back of my truck; and they seemed to be alright with that. About a week later, I get called to the service desk by the same manager.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Manager: *smiles some* “You have two people who want to see you.”

    (I look and it’s the two teenagers from that night and they hand me a carnation, a lottery ticket, and thank me for what I did!)

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