The Race(ist) For The Last Chicken

| Preston, England, UK | Bigotry, Food & Drink

(I work late shifts, and mark down items to their final reduction.)

Customer: “Have you not got any more cheap chicken?”

Me: “No, sir, the lady just over there took our last pack, unfortunately.”

(I gesture towards a small, lovely, Indian lady, who had come by and picked up some chicken breasts I just marked down.)

Customer: “I’m not racist, but f****** p**** are always turning up and taking all the good stuff early! You can never stay one step ahead of them d*** foreigners!”

Me: “Well, we have a first come, first served policy. Regardless of who she is, she was here first.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you know what I mean! They come over here, and take everything for granted. They do what they f****** like, and take our cheap food! You follow me, don’t ya’?”

Me: “Well, no, I don’t. Like I said, we have a first come, first served policy. We also have a policy against incendiary language, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Here’s a little hint for you; when you say “I’m not racist, but—”, it usually means you’re about to be racist. The exit’s third on the left.”

Age Comes Before Rage

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(My girlfriend and I are waiting in line. Our baby is getting more and more agitated. It’s almost our turn when a middle-aged customer comes running up behind me, and starts glaring at me.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “Move your stuff! I have less than you; I should go first!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

(The cashier reaches for the first of our items.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “No! Don’t take his stuff! I should go first! I’m older than he is, and I have less stuff!”

(The cashier is just as flabbergasted as we are. My son starts screaming bloody murder.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “You should shut your son up! Let me go first!”

(My girlfriend hands our son to me and steps up to the woman.)

Girlfriend: “Shut the f*** up!”

(She turns to the cashier.)

Girlfriend: “Honey, can you please start ringing up our items?”

(She turns back to the woman.)

Girlfriend: “You need to grow up and learn some d*** manners. You’ve got a cart and a half full, and our stuff was already on the belt when you decided to charge up and demand that we move; that’s not how it works in the real f****** world! And how dare you tell me to shut my baby up! He’s teething, and tired, and we would have already been out of here if you hadn’t decided to hold us up. Now tell me what the f*** makes you so much more important than us?!”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I… I… I’m older than you two brats.”

Girlfriend: “So, you’ve had more time to learn manners.”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I have less stuff.”

(My girlfriend glances back and forth to our stuff, which is almost done being bagged, and only takes up about half our cart, and her two carts.)

Girlfriend: “Yeah, to a blind man.”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I’ve got food in the car.”

Girlfriend: “Then I guess you should have eaten before deciding to come shopping.”

(The middle-aged customer slinks off to another lane. My girlfriend pays for our groceries, and gives the cashier a huge smile.)

Girlfriend: “I had to deal with that all the time when I worked cash; sorry you had to see that.”

(She grabs our son, and walks towards the door. The cashier and I exchange looks.)

Me: “You should see her when she’s angry.”

Only Drunk On Victory

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(I’m working an overnight cashier shift at a 24-hour grocery store. Since I’m not used to sleeping during the day, I haven’t gotten the best sleep, but I’m still functional. It’s about 6 am and a well-dressed customer comes to my register with coffee and bakery goods.)

Me: *stifling a yawn* “Good morning. How are you?”

Customer: “I’m good, and yourself?”

Me: “Tired.”

Customer: “Well why is that? Didn’t you sleep last night?”

(I think he’s joking.)

Me: “No, not at all. I’ve been up all night, but—”

Customer: “And who’s fault is that?”

Me: “Well, I guess I could blame my boss for scheduling me for this shift—”

Customer: “No! It’s yours!”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “That’s what’s wrong with you kids these days! You party all night, even though you know you have work early in the morning. Now you expect me to have sympathy for you because you have to work right after a party!”

Me: “No, sir, I think you misunderstood—”

Customer: “No! You listen to me, missy! I bet you’re still buzzed from that party!”

Me: “I’ve been here all—”

Customer: “I will be calling your store manager! I’ll tell them you came in for your shift drunk from that party you attended right before work! What do you have to say for yourself now?!”

Me: “Well, I was trying to tell you before that I’ve been here all night long, working since 10:30 last night. I don’t do parties. To be honest, I’m not used to sleeping during the day. I am normally a morning person, so with my sleep cycle a little out of whack, coupled with the fact that I’m on the last hour of my eight-hour shift, I feel my tiredness is warranted. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

(The man instantly shuts up, and mumbles an apology. He doesn’t make eye contact with me as he cashes out and leaves. As tired as I am, the argument victory makes my last hour go by faster!)

Even A Ninja Has To Work

| Manhattan, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

(I’m waiting in line. The customer in front of me has two unruly boys.)

Boy #1: *to his brother* “Is this for us?”

Boy #2: “I think so!”

(They proceed to stuff candy from the shelves into their pockets.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry; you need to pay for those.”

Boy #1: “Poop!”

Boy #2: “Don’t say that. It’s a dirty word.”

(They empty their pockets.)

Boy #1: “What if I just take one?”

Cashier: “You still have to pay for it.”

Boy #1: “Poop!”

(He pulls an orange from his mother’s shopping cart. He throws it at the cashier, who catches it without looking up.)

Boy #2: “How did you do that?!”

Cashier: “Oh, all the staff here are ninjas.”

(Panicked, the boys take a few more pieces of candy out of their pockets. As he starts ringing me up, I hear him muttering to himself.)

Cashier: “Don’t play baseball, they tell me; it’s a waste of time. Just get a job, they say! That’ll teach you what’s important.”

O Dear

| Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I’m working at the self-checkout area. I watch over the customers, and help them if they seem lost. One customer has a bunch of green onions, and is looking for them in the ‘No Barcode’ area, under ‘G’. This is a common mistake, so I go to help.)

Me: “‘O’, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, what?”

Me: “No, ‘O’. It’s under ‘O’.”

Customer: “It’s under oh what? What’s it under?”

Me: “‘O’.”

Customer: “Oh, what? What’s it under?”

(I walk over to her and tap the ‘O’ button.)

Me: “No, it’s under ‘O’. ‘O’ for onion.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh, ‘O’!”

Me: “Yeah, ‘O’.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

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