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    Hair Unapparent For This Fair Parent

    | Eustis, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (Note: Customer #1 is a well-known regular in her late twenties who has been coming to our store since before her son could walk. She usually sports funky hair while her son is in elementary school and likes talking to the employees. On this day, Customer #1 seems to be in pain but we’re talking as I scan her items while her son is joking about school with the bagger. Another customer, Customer #2, is waiting impatiently.)

    Customer #2: “Will you all stop talking and hurry up?”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but this lady has quite a few items. As you can see, we’re both working as well as talking. If you don’t want to wait, you can take your things to the customer service desk where they’ll be happy to help you.”

    Bagger: *to Customer #1* “Do you need help out today?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, please, and thank you.”

    Customer #2: “What the heck?! Why are you being so d*** lazy? Other people need help out. Do it yourself.”

    Me: “There are other baggers who will happily come over and help you if you need, ma’am.”

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “You young people are so d*** lazy these days. You probably stay home and paint your hair all those ridiculous colors. I bet you’ve never even worked a day in your life. What the h*** kind of example are you setting for your kid?”

    Customer #1: “Not that it’s really your business, but you’re wrong. I worked for [local city] before my son was born. I worked at a [local gas station] until the fact that I have [chronic illness 1] and [chronic illness 2] meant I was in too much pain. I’m having a very rough day today and wouldn’t have come out if I didn’t have to pick up my medication and food. [Son] isn’t strong enough to help with the heavy things, so I’m accepting the bagger’s offer to do so.”

    Customer #2: “Well, I, uh…”

    Customer #1′s Son: “You’re a mean lady, and I shouldn’t act like you!”

    Customer #1: “…And that’s the example I set for my son. I hope you learned something too!”

    It Was A Shot Glass Wedding

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m helping a very elderly, very nice, lady get around the store. We’re in the liquor section when she asks me to read some of the labels.)

    Me: ”Well, we’ve got Jack Daniels, Cutty Sark, Bombay Sapphire, Jim Beam—”

    Lady: “No, I don’t want Jim Beam. Last time I drank, Jim Beam, I had to get married! I didn’t care for that one bit!”

    Spread The Health

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (I have just finished ringing up a good-sized amount of groceries—slightly over $100 worth—for a woman. A man has been waiting quietly in line behind her. When I tell her the total, the man speaks up.)

    Man: “Ma’am, I’d like to pay for this for you.”

    Woman: *surprised* “ALL of it?”

    Man: “Yes.  I’d like to pay for your entire order, if you don’t mind.”

    (Several seconds pass, as the woman blinks repeatedly.)

    Woman: “Well, certainly, if you’re willing. But… can I ask why?”

    Man: “Well, slightly over a year ago I was diagnosed with advanced neuroblastoma. They started me on aggressive chemotherapy almost that same day, and my doctor said I only had about a 30% chance of even making it to 2012. That was on August 28th of 2011. My final round of chemo was last Monday, and today they got back the results from my latest MRI: it said ‘no evidence of disease.’ So, I’m feeling very rich right now, and I’d like to spread it around.”

    (And then he paid for her groceries!)

    Freak For Yourself, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (We have a regular who comes in for special sandwiches that are made on Mondays and Fridays only. When she comes in, it’s on a Thursday and the guy who makes them at the deli isn’t there. Instead, it’s a new guy who’s still being trained.)

    Customer: “Black and blue with horse sauce on the side.”

    (FYI, she wants pumpernickel bread with roast beef, bleu cheese and horseradish sauce on the side.)

    New Employee: “Uh, sorry? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “I want the black and blue with the horse sauce on the side.

    New Employee: “Let me get someone else. I’m new, so I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “God, are you stupid? I want the black and blue with horse sauce on the side! Is that so freaking hard to understand?

    Other Employee: *overhears* “Yes, ma’am, I’ll get that made for you right now. He’s new, so he doesn’t know about our sandwich specialties.”

    (Upon hearing this, the customer suddenly turns sweet and smiles.)

    Customer: “OH! You’re new? How many days have you been working here?”

    New Employee: “Only two days, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, watch out for those crazies. You’re bound to get a few!”

    Related:
    Freak For Yourself

    Someone Needs To Boof-riend Him

    | Illinois, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (A man approaches me while I’m at my register.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “What does ‘boof’ mean?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “‘Boof.’ You guys have a bumper sticker that says ‘boof.’”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no idea what ‘boof’ means.”

    Customer: “The sticker is just dumb. It says, ‘My dog is my ‘boof.’”

    Me: “Oh! ‘My dog is my BFF!’”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

    Me: “It’s an abbreviation, sir. It means ‘best friends forever.’”

    Customer: “Well, that’s dumb. How stupid do you have to be to have a dog as your best friend?!”

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