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    An Extra Bag Of Hot Air

    | Helsinki, Finland | At The Checkout, Top

    (I’m serving a customer at the register, with items well into a triple digit total. He’s staring at the price display like a hawk. Even though there’s no line, I’m scanning as fast as I can.)

    Customer: “I think you charged me three bags.”

    (I look and see that one of the two carrier bags he had had indeed scanned twice. I void the extra bag.)

    Me: “Oops, sorry about that!”

    Customer: “There really should be a training program for you people.”

    Me: “I’ve been trained for this, sir.”

    Customer: “Well sure as s*** doesn’t look like it. How hard could it possibly be to scan each item once and only once?”

    Me: “It happens. I fixed it, as you can see from the display.”

    Customer: “But you’ve wasted my time with your incompetence!”

    (My manager is walking by, sees the commotion, and approaches.)

    Customer: “You really should be fired. I don’t think it’s too much to f***ing ask for you people to do your jobs properly. Perhaps if you had paid attention in school and not fooled around all the time, you wouldn’t be doing this s*** now. Moron!”

    Me: “I apologize for the error.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not really good enough, s***head! This happens every time! The only reason I don’t go to the other store across the street is because they’re even more f***ing idiotic over there!”

    Me: “I’ve corrected the mistake now. You will only pay for the items you’re actually buying.”

    Customer: “But how the f*** can I be sure of that now?! I only get the f***ing receipt after I’ve paid! I’m left trusting potheads and morons like you to handle this s*** properly, but I guess you can’t even do that! Un-f***ing-believable!”

    (At this point, my manager comes over and speaks up.)

    Manager: “You make an excellent point, sir. I will fire this employee immediately, and your purchases today are free of charge.”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Manager: “No. F*** off!”

    (With that, my manager closes my register and motions me to follow him. We leave for break, leaving the customer standing there, stunned.)

    Bags Of Laughs

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (It’s been a long night, with a higher than average number of annoying customers. A couple comes through the till.)

    Wife: “Oh, no. Don’t put the chips with the pop! It’ll get crushed.”

    Husband: “Geez, don’t put the chips with the bread.”

    Wife: “Oh, and keep the pickles away from the cans.”

    Husband: “Can you double bag everything?”

    (I finally sort through their numerous demands, they pay and leave. The next customer and last in line is buying just a few things, and has listened to the previous conversation.)

    Customer: “Oh… can you put the bacon in a separate bag from the chips and pop?”

    (I do.)

    Customer: “Oh, and can you separate the chips and pop?”

    (I do.)

    Customer: “Can you double bag everything? It’s all pretty heavy, you know.”

    (I stare, not sure if he’s serious.)

    Customer: “And, can you put the receipt in a separate bag?”

    (I smile at this point, and he laughs; it’s clear he was just joking. Everything goes in one bag. From this point on, ‘put the receipt in a separate bag’ becomes a euphemism for anyone making a series of ridiculous requests.)

    Stamping Out Equality

    | Traverse City, MI, USA | Bigotry

    (I am working a slow late night at the service counter. A snobbish woman comes up for some stamps.)

    Customer: “I would like a book of forever stamps.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. That’s $9.00.” *hands woman stamps*

    Customer: *looking disappointed* “Is this the only design you got?”

    Me: “Yes, is there a problem with this design?”

    Customer: “Yes, these quotes on them… I don’t like the fact that say equality. I don’t believe in equality.” *walks away*

    Customer Zero

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I have just gone to the hospital for a abdominal scan, and I still have the ID bracelet on that they give to patients. I am shopping on my own when a woman comes up to me.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be in the way.”

    Female customer: “What are you doing in a public place, kid?”

    (Note: I’m 21.)

    Me: “What?”

    Female customer: “That bracelet! It means that you are infected! What are you doing touching things?”

    Me: “Lady. I’m not infected with anything. I just came from a check-up.”

    Female customer: “STOP LYING! I am going to get the manager!”

    (She leaves, and I continue to shop. She comes back with the manager while I am looking at some fruit.)

    Female customer: “See? He’s touching everything! Now you are going to have to throw all of this out!”

    Me: “Look, I already told you. It’s an ID bracelet.”

    Manager: “Wait. You already told her that?” *turns to lady* “Why are you harassing this poor kid?”

    Female customer: “HE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!” *runs off*

    (The manager apologized and I got his discount for my food!)

    Her Argument Is Dispiriting

    | Chicago Suburbs, IL, USA | Bizarre

    (I am an assistant manager, and I am handing over a particularly difficult customer to my manager. At our store, all refunds over a certain amount must be returned in the manner they were paid for.)

    Me: “This customer here would like a refund for these items, but she does not have her card with her. I explained that we have to refund the items to her card, but she keeps asking for store credit.”

    Manager: *to the customer* “She’s right, ma’am. All refunds must be returned in the form we received the payment. Do you have your card with you?”

    Customer: “I think it is rude that she is assuming that I am asking you to refund my items. She did not even let me ask you the question I wanted to ask!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry. What is your question?”

    Customer: “Can I exchange, not refund, these items for a store credit?”

    Manager: “That is still considered a refund, so no. I’m sorry we cannot help you unless you have your card.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t take these groceries back now! They’re not the same as when I walked in!”

    Manager: “…Not the same?”

    Customer: “They are spiritually damaged, and I cannot eat them. That girl stole their spirit!”

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