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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    The Worst Example Of Homosapien

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer came up to me while I am stocking the cooler.)

    Customer: “Where’s the straight milk?”

    Me: “What? What’s straight milk?”

    Customer: “Straight milk!”

    Me: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Straight milk, so it doesn’t turn my kids gay.”

    Me: “Milk doesn’t turn anybody gay!”

    Customer: “Sure it does. See right here. It’s HOMO-genized milk. I want the HETERO-genized milk.”

    Me: “…”

    Some People Drive You To Drink

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am at a local grocery store looking for a specific brand of cat food. I have a few items in my cart, including a bottle of cooking wine. Suddenly, a customer comes from the back and SLAMS her cart pretty hard into mine.)

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: *unintelligible mumbling* “…serves you right!”

    (The customer quickly makes her way to the end of the aisle. I brush it off and keep looking for the cat food. A few seconds later the customer turns around and, this time, slams her cart pretty hard right into my thigh.)

    Me: “Ow! Lady, please. Slow down!”

    Customer: “Humph!”

    (The customer speeds around the corner. I am appalled that she didn’t even apologize but I brush it off again, thinking that this will be the end of it. However, not even a minute later, the lady comes back and slams her cart into me again, pushing me towards the shelves.)

    Me: “Really? Lady, this is the third time you crashed into me in less than five minutes! Is there anything wrong?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That serves you right for being an alcoholic!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I don’t even drink, not that it is any of your business!”

    Customer: “Liar! I see the wine bottle and all the beer, plus your face is all red. Alcoholic! Women like you should be ashamed!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s one bottle of cooking wine. This is not beer. It’s soda. My face is red because I had to spend a lot of time shoveling my car out in very cold weather. Once again, this is none of your business!”

    Customer: “And you admit to using a car! Drunks should not drive! Hhmph! Drunk harlot!”

    (She quickly takes off with her cart only to smash it into the opposite shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.)

    Me: “Apparently, you shouldn’t drive either!”

    Truthfully, He’s Totally Peanuts

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My primary job at this store is cashier; however, today is my first day hanging tags. I begin in the organic and bulk sections when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’m so glad you’re here [My Name]. You see, [My Name], it’s been a while since I’ve been in here, and I’m so glad that you have a bulk section. You see, [My Name], I love those peanut clusters. I would love to buy a bag of them, but I think it’s only right that I could sample them. So what do you say, [My Name]? Will you let me sample the wonderful peanut clusters?”

    Me: “Uhm, I’m not really the person you should be asking…”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], then you and I shall go together. [My Name], we will find the truth. I am a man of honesty. I honestly do want to buy a bag, but I think it’s only right that I sample it. I’ve been to other [Store] and I fell in love with the peanut clusters. But I just have to know, [My Name]. I just have to know if they are the same wonderful peanut clusters.”

    (The customer leans forward, pulling open his shirt pocket. Inside are flower petals.)

    Customer: “I have eight of these petals. I give one to you, [My Name]. Because it represents the truth that we will find.”

    (I look around. Not seeing anyone from produce nearby, I begin to lead him to the front end where the front-end supervisor or the service desk clerks could call someone, or maybe even run into a manager on the way there.)

    Customer: “I don’t see [Manager] anywhere. She’s usually here. And I’m glad [Produce Employee] isn’t here. [Produce Employee] is a [homophobic slur]. He’s a nice guy, [My Name], but he’s a [homophobic slur].”

    (We reach the service desk. My coworker talks to the customer.)

    Coworker: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “You see, [Coworker], [My Name] and I wanted to know the truth. Your lovely peanut clusters over there, I’ve had some at another store, and they were most wonderful. But you see, [Coworker], I want to know the truth if they are the same delicious peanut clusters as the others. I would love to buy a bag, but I think it’s only right that I sample one. [Coworker], do you know the truth that [My Name] and I are trying to learn?”

    (My coworker glances at me nervously.)

    Coworker: “Uh…” *pointing to grocery manager nearby* “He’s the one you need to talk to.”

    (Overhearing us, the manager comes up to the service desk, followed by the front end supervisor.)

    Customer: “[My Name], will you please tell [Manager] about the truth we wish to learn. We need to learn the truth.”

    Manager: “I don’t have time for the truth.”

    Customer: “You hear that, [My Name]? [Manager] has no time for the truth!”

    Manager: “I’m afraid of the truth.”

    Me: “He just wanted to know if—”

    Customer: “No. I’m done here. He has no time for the truth.”

    (The customer left, and the manager went back to work as if nothing happened.)

    Not A Bad Penny Among Them

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m working as a cashier. I have a line of three people.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you doing tonight?”

    Customer #1: “Not bad, and you?”

    Me: “Well, to be honest, it’s my first night, and it definitely could be going better! I just had a customer pay for her entire $25 order in dimes and nickels!”

    (Customer #1 and Customer #3 wince and make sympathetic noises as I finish ringing out Customer #1. Meanwhile, Customer #2 goes absolutely white as a sheet.)

    Customer #2: “I’m really, REALLY sorry. You are going to hate me.”

    (Customer #2 places a $40 bottle of whiskey on the counter, and begins emptying his pockets…of pennies.)

    Me: *whimpers*

    (Thankfully, Customer #2 and Customer #3 helped me count!)

    Paging All Psychics To Aisle Three

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Themed Giveaway

    Customer: “Hey! I need help finding a product.”

    Me: “What are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I saw it on a commercial and know your store sells it.”

    Me: “Is it a beverage, food, or cleaner? Can you describe it or what kind of package it came in or the color of the package?”

    Customer: “I have no idea, but I know your store sells it and I want it now!”


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