(I am a cashier, helping a customer. She sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you!”

Customer: “Are you a priest?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Are you a priest?”

Me: “Um… no. I am a cashier at the moment.”

Customer: “Well, then you have no right to bless me!”

Me: “Okay… my apologies?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get this cake, please.” *points at one*

Me: “Sure, would you like anything written on it?”

Customer: “Yeah, can you put ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

Me: “Daddy?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Sure, just one second.”

(I get my icing bags.)

Me: “Okay, so that was ‘Happy Birthday Daddy’?”

Customer: “Actually… could you just put ‘Happy Birthday Tom’?”

Me: “‘Tom’?”

Customer: “Yeah…” *pauses* “…I’ll tell him eventually.”

(My heart melts. I don’t know how to react, so I just write on her cake and send her on her way. I never did find out how things turned out for that woman, but I wish her all the best.)

(I am in a grocery store with my two-year-old nephew. I am 22, and wearing my engagement ring.)

Other Customer: “Hey, you!”

Me: “Me?”

Other Customer: “Yeah, you. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Me: “What?”

Other Customer: “It’s bad enough that teenagers like you seem to think you can just sleep with people. Then you have kids and try to act like you could raise them!”

Me: He’s—”

Other Customer: “It’s things like this that show me that you have absolutely no respect for this country! The entire country is going down the tubes. It’s appalling to think that you would ever even consider having a child outside of wedlock.”

(An employee comes into the aisle to stock things, but overhearing the other customer’s comments speaks up in my defense.)

Employee: “Hey, are you going to even let her talk? She doesn’t have to, but I think she’s entitled to respond to the things you’re saying.”

Other Customer: “You keep out of this. There is nothing she can say to make it any better.”

Me: “Actually, there is. One, this is my nephew. Two, I’m 22, which means if he were my child, I would have been twenty when he was born. Third, his parents are married and have been since before he was even conceived. Fourth, before you start flying off about unmarried people, you may want to check their ring hand.” *I hold up my hand* “I’m engaged, but you couldn’t know I wasn’t married. Fifth, even if I was 17, and this was my child, and I wasn’t married, why would it be any of your business?”

(The customer doesn’t say anything, and slowly walks away. I turn to the employee.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Employee: “No problem. That actually turned out as well as it possibly could have. I was mostly saying it so you could just say, ‘None of your business’. It’s even better that none of the things that she was accusing you of were true.”

Customer: “Don’t put the apples in the bag with the potatoes! They’ll get bruised!”

Me: “The apples are in top, ma’am.They won’t get bruised.”

Customer: “But the potatoes are heavy; they’ll bruise the apples! Geez, don’t you know anything!?”

(I put the apples in a separate bag. I’m careful not to put anything in with the potatoes, as they might get bruised. The other bags are pretty full, and the last item is a bag of loose lettuce.)

Me: “Would you like this in a separate bag?”

Customer: “No, that can go on top of the potatoes. There’s plenty of space.”

(It is the day after a snowstorm which had dropped a significant amount of snow on the ground and the store is jumping with people. Even though I’m not feeling well and am in the middle of an eight hour shift on the registers, I manage to be courteous with the customers. A customer proceeds to cut in line and demands.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is the milk?”

Me: “It’s usually in the cases at the back of the store, but we are out of milk right now.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of store is this that you don’t have milk?”

Me: “Sir, the delivery didn’t come yet.”

Customer: “Why the f*** not?”

(Before I can respond to this, the female customer I have been ringing up answers.)

Female Customer: “Look out the window. See all that white stuff? It’s called snow. The Governor called a state of emergency. The roads have been slippery and some have even been closed. That’s why they don’t have any milk. Maybe you should go out to a farm and get your milk there and stop swearing at this poor girl.”

(The rude customer proceeds to leave, swearing the whole time.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. You said exactly what I was thinking but couldn’t say or I’d lose my job.”

Female Customer: “Don’t mention it. He really needs an attitude adjustment. By the way, you sound sick…”

Me: “Oh, it’s just a cold. I’ve been using this bottle of hand sanitizer between orders.”

Female Customer: “Okay, feel better!”

(She takes her change and purchases, and leaves. However, she returns a few minutes later with a cup of tea from the Chinese restaurant next door!)