October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Not Impressed With Man Meat

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at the deli counter of my store. I am slicing meat for a customer who appears very grumpy. She watches me slice, bag, label, and hand her the meat.)

Customer: “No! This meat is all WRONG!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You sliced it too thick!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did ask you if that thickness was okay, and you said yes.”

Customer: “Then you held it funny! I couldn’t see it right! I’m not buying this s***!”

Me: “Would you like me to get the manager?”

Customer: “No, he’s probably an incompetent scumbag like you!”

Me: “She might be able to help make sure you are satisfied, ma’am.”

(The customer perks up immediately and looks at me with a predatory sneer.)

Customer: “Oh really? Your manager is a woman?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then call her over here so I can explain how you f***** up my meat!”

(Sighing, I pick up the intercom phone and call the manager over.)

Customer: “That just makes you furious, doesn’t it? Taking orders from a woman?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You think you’re better than us, but you have to do what she says or she can fire you!”

Me: “Uh, not really. I’ve had plenty of female supervisors.”

Customer: “And that just burns you up inside, DOESN’T IT?!”

Me: “Why would you assume that?”


Capable Of Handicapping The Capable

, | TX, USA | Health & Body, Top

(My grandmother is 96 years old, but she is still able to drive. A car without a handicapped license plate cuts her off and pulls into the handicapped spot, so she has to park further down. She walks with her cane past the 20-something young man who took her spot.)

Grandmother: “I know we aren’t supposed to judge others because we never know what they are going through, so I am going to assume you needed that parking space more than I did.”

Young Man: *turning red and not making eye contact* “Sorry about that, ma’am. Um… can I help you into the store?”

Grandmother: “Thank you, I knew you were really a nice young man.” *takes his arm* “I’ve been a widow for almost 20 years, and it’s been a long time since a man offered to walk me anywhere.”

Mom Is Bugging Out

| Monroe, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(My customer is a young high-school kid wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt, hemp necklace, torn jeans, and sandals. He usually comes to my checkout line because I don’t give him a hard time when he buys a ton of munchies with very red eyes. This time he looks surprisingly sober.)

Me: “Evening, pal, how’s it going?”

Customer: “Ugh, not so great.”

(He proceeds to put 16 cans of bug spray on the counter.)

Me: “Yikes, got a bug problem?”

Customer: “No, but my mom thinks we do. She doesn’t realize she accidentally ate one of my, uh, you know, special cookies, and I have to play along so she doesn’t figure out it’s not real.”

(Years later, I returned to the area to find him wearing a suit and tie as store manager!)

Honest About His Scam

| IL, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

(An eight-year-old boy has been pulling the same scam about three days a week for almost a month. He comes to the checkout with a few items and is always around $2 short. He freezes like a deer in headlights when asked if he would like to put an item back or go get more money. He’s gotten the act down so well, almost every time another customer feels bad for him and offers him the $2.)

Me: “Okay, the total is $12.12.”

Child: “I only have a $10.”

Me: “Do you want to put this back?” *holds up item* “It’s $2.19, so then you’d have enough.”

Child: “Ummmm. I don’t know. My mom needs it. She said to get these six things.”

Me: “You can go home and get the $2.12. I’ll hold these things here and you can come back to me and pay.”

Child: “Ummmm… I don’t…”

(Just then, a customer behind him speaks up.)

Customer: “I’ll give it to him.”

Me: “No. He does this all the time. We aren’t allowing other customers to pay anymore.”

Customer: “It’s just $2.”

Me: “Right, but he’s probably made $100 this month doing this same thing. We won’t allow any other customers to cover his groceries.” *turns to child* “You’ll need to go home and ask your mom what she wants you to do.”

(About 10 minutes later, the boy returns. I figure the boy has been pocketing the money, but it turns out he hasn’t.)

Child: “My mom said to get the money from another customer. She says they always give it to me, and why can’t I get someone to give it to me this time?”

Although He Uses A Lot Of Ranch

| Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(There is a customer coming through my line that is wearing cowboy clothing complete with 10-gallon hat, shiny belt buckle, and cowboy boots. There is another customer with a young boy standing behind them. I watch as the boy yanks on his mother’s skirt and points to the man in front.)

Young Boy: “Excuse me, sir; are you a REAL cowboy?”

Customer: *in a thick Texas drawl* “Why yes little man I am, but I only got to be a real cowboy because I ate all my vegetables and listened to my mother.”

(The customer then tips his hat to the mother and leaves. The boy does nothing but gush about his cowboy experience.)

Young Boy: “Mom! Go get more vegetables!”

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