Relationships, Like Hair, Can Be Parted

| Glen Rock, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A woman, her husband, and her sister are checking out on my line.)

Customer: “Your hair is FABULOUS!”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “Can I touch it?”

Me: “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “21.”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “We have sons.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

Customer’s Sister: “…and they have girlfriends.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Think about the babies they would have! Good hair genes!”

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a good day!”

Customer: “GOOD HAIR GENES!”

Acting Like A Has-Bean

| Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is one coffee bean?”

Me: “One bean?”

Customer: “Yes, just one.”

Me: “Can I ask why you want a single bean?”

Customer: “Just tell me the price!”

Me: “Uh… well, they’re [price] per pound, so you could try to weigh one bean and work it out from there.”

Customer: “Perfect!”

(She weighs one bean. The scale comes up ‘0lb, 0oz’.)

Me: “Well, I guess if you just want one bean you can take it, although you won’t get much coffee from it.”

Customer: “That won’t be a problem.”

(She grabs the entire stack of bulk bags, and begins placing a single bean in each one, weighing it, and then printing out a price tag.)

Me: “Wha… hey! You can’t—”

(My manager suddenly appears.)

Manager: “Shush, let her finish.”

(It takes the customer nearly half an hour to load up as much coffee as she wants. She proceeds to an automatic checkout, but after scanning her second free bean, the machine stops.)

Automatic Checkout: “If you have combined two of the same item, please combine them.”

Customer: “D*** it!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry. These machines can be kind of picky. I’ll get that for you.”

(He stacks the entire mound of bagged coffee beans onto a scale, weighs it, and then presents her with the now massively inflated price.)

Customer: “I… hey! I’m not paying that much! Put them back.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m not permitted to return food to the shelves once it’s been handled.”

(They argue, and finally the shopper gives up and pays for the beans—and the bags. After the customer leaves, my manager returns.)

Me: “She paid!? We were all expecting her to throw them on the ground and run out!”

(I was actually correct! When I left the store, I noticed dozens of bulk bags strewn around the parking lot!)

The Biggest Abuser

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a manager at a fairly large grocery store. We have a regular customer who is paralyzed from the waist down. He’s roughly 20 years old. He is scooting around on one of the store’s electric scooters, when an obese customer walks up to him.)

Customer: “How dare you go around the store in one of those! You’re taking them away from people like me who do need them!”

Regular: “Well, ma’am, I’ve been paralyzed ever since I was 14. While you can walk around and get your groceries, I certainly can’t, so I’d say I need this more that you.”

Customer: “You make me sick; pretending to be a cripple!”

(The customer then PULLS the regular out of the chair and drops him. I run over to try to help him.)

Customer: “You! Get this sick piece of trash out of here! He’s pretending to be a cripple and—”

Me: “I’m going to cut you off right there. [Regular] is most assuredly disabled, and you just picked him up and slammed him into the ground. Get out of my store, now, before I call the cops.”

Customer: “This is an injustice! I’ll sue you!” *knocks things off shelves and leaves*

(I get a call from corporate around a week later, because the customer has filed a complaint. I explain what really happened, and get the regular to confirm my story. The complaint is dropped, and the rowdy customer never returns.)

The Race(ist) For The Last Chicken

| Preston, England, UK | Bigotry, Food & Drink

(I work late shifts, and mark down items to their final reduction.)

Customer: “Have you not got any more cheap chicken?”

Me: “No, sir, the lady just over there took our last pack, unfortunately.”

(I gesture towards a small, lovely, Indian lady, who had come by and picked up some chicken breasts I just marked down.)

Customer: “I’m not racist, but f****** p**** are always turning up and taking all the good stuff early! You can never stay one step ahead of them d*** foreigners!”

Me: “Well, we have a first come, first served policy. Regardless of who she is, she was here first.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you know what I mean! They come over here, and take everything for granted. They do what they f****** like, and take our cheap food! You follow me, don’t ya’?”

Me: “Well, no, I don’t. Like I said, we have a first come, first served policy. We also have a policy against incendiary language, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Here’s a little hint for you; when you say “I’m not racist, but—”, it usually means you’re about to be racist. The exit’s third on the left.”

Age Comes Before Rage

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(My girlfriend and I are waiting in line. Our baby is getting more and more agitated. It’s almost our turn when a middle-aged customer comes running up behind me, and starts glaring at me.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “Move your stuff! I have less than you; I should go first!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

(The cashier reaches for the first of our items.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “No! Don’t take his stuff! I should go first! I’m older than he is, and I have less stuff!”

(The cashier is just as flabbergasted as we are. My son starts screaming bloody murder.)

Middle-Aged Customer: “You should shut your son up! Let me go first!”

(My girlfriend hands our son to me and steps up to the woman.)

Girlfriend: “Shut the f*** up!”

(She turns to the cashier.)

Girlfriend: “Honey, can you please start ringing up our items?”

(She turns back to the woman.)

Girlfriend: “You need to grow up and learn some d*** manners. You’ve got a cart and a half full, and our stuff was already on the belt when you decided to charge up and demand that we move; that’s not how it works in the real f****** world! And how dare you tell me to shut my baby up! He’s teething, and tired, and we would have already been out of here if you hadn’t decided to hold us up. Now tell me what the f*** makes you so much more important than us?!”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I… I… I’m older than you two brats.”

Girlfriend: “So, you’ve had more time to learn manners.”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I have less stuff.”

(My girlfriend glances back and forth to our stuff, which is almost done being bagged, and only takes up about half our cart, and her two carts.)

Girlfriend: “Yeah, to a blind man.”

Middle-Aged Customer: “I’ve got food in the car.”

Girlfriend: “Then I guess you should have eaten before deciding to come shopping.”

(The middle-aged customer slinks off to another lane. My girlfriend pays for our groceries, and gives the cashier a huge smile.)

Girlfriend: “I had to deal with that all the time when I worked cash; sorry you had to see that.”

(She grabs our son, and walks towards the door. The cashier and I exchange looks.)

Me: “You should see her when she’s angry.”

Page 38/120First...3637383940...Last