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    This Round He Lost (In Translation)

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m from the UK and have a surprisingly posh accent. Whilst studying in America, I’ve become somewhat competent in several languages including French, German, Mandarin and Welsh. A rather rude customer arrives at my checkout where I work and has been openly mocking my colleagues during his time in the store.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir. How might I be of service?”

    Customer: “Oh, look! This one reckons he’s some posh c***.”

    Me: *ignoring the remark and still smiling* “Can a scan through those items for you?”

    (The customer drops the basket on one of my hands, laughing as I wince in pain.)

    Customer: “You’re all a bunch of failures and drop-outs. Bet you barely even know English properly.”

    Me: “Sir, I was born in Manchester, England.”

    Customer: “Whatever, you fake c***.”

    (At this point the customer begins to swear slowly, and with a smile on his face, in French and German)

    Customer: “See, I’ve got a real education. I speak two different languages fluently and I’m not stuck in some dead end s***-hole.”

    (I finish scanning through his items, and he pays with cash.)

    Me: *flawless French* “My pardon, sir, but you’re short 50 cents.” switching to German* “Do you have correct change?” *switching to Welsh* “If not you may need to return some of these items or pay using a different method.”

    (The customer stares blankly for a few seconds, he then demands I repeat myself. I do, this time in English explaining that I’m translating the French, German and Welsh I just spoke. Once he seems to understand this, he sheepishly pays via debit and rushes off, nearly forgetting his bag.)

    Me: *in French again* “Sir, don’t forget your purchase!”

    Attack Of The Killer Tomato Customers

    | South Tampa, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am cashiering on the first express lane with one of our new hires on the second express lane. I’m cashing out a customer when I hear an outburst from the new girl’s line.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?! Don’t touch my tomatoes! Leave them in the bag!”

    New Cashier: *turns around, looks at me* “Help me, please?”

    Me: *walks over* “Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I bought these tomatoes, and she is taking them out of the bag and ringing them up separately! I want them rung up together!”

    Me: “Well, sir, it looks like you bought 3 different tomato varieties.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Each variety is a different price per pound. To keep our inventory counts accurate, we have to weigh and ring these up separately.”

    Customer: “I don’t want you touching my tomatoes!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is store policy.”

    Customer: “I want to see a manager!”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I flag down a supervisor, who is female.)

    Supervisor: “What can I do for you, sir?”

    Customer: “No! I want to talk to a manager!”

    Supervisor: “I assure you, I’m a manager.”

    Customer: “No! A man!”

    Supervisor: *sighs* “I’ll be right back.”

    (She returns with the store manager, who is male. He walks off with the now-livid customer.)

    New Cashier: “Did he really pitch a fit over tomatoes?”

    Me: “Yep. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he got them for free now.”

    New Cashier: “No way.”

    (15 minutes later, the supervisor returns.)

    Supervisor: “Well, [store manager] just gave our angry customer his tomatoes for free.”

    New Cashier: “What!?”

    Me: “I told you!”

    App-ology

    | Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    Customer: *to friend* “I wish there were some kind of app that could tell you where stuff is in a specific store.”

    Me: “What was it you were looking for?”

    Customer’s Friend: “Oh! Soda?”

    Me: “Soda’s on aisle 10.”

    Customer’s Friend: “Ha, I guess she’s the app!”

    Me: “Just call me Siri!”

    Customer: *suddenly very sour* “Well, I could, but that would be stupid.”

    Me: “Heh, yeah, I guess.”

    (I proceeded to go on about my business, and put the exchange out of my mind. A couple weeks later, the same customer comes back.)

    Customer: “Hey, last time I was here, you helped me out and I was kind of rude to you. I just wanted to let you know I didn’t even realize it until my friend told me I was being a jacka**, and I’m sorry.”

    (I thanked him and told him he was forgiven. If only all rude customers had friends like that!)

    Unloading More Than Just Shopping

    | AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (A customer is singing ‘Call Me Maybe’ really loud and obnoxiously while unloading items. I’m in line behind her. People behind me are complaining. The owner sneaks up behind her.)

    Customer: “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…”

    Owner: “…but you’re in my store, so SHUT UP MAYBE!”

    (I will shop there for the rest of my life!)

    Causing Infractions

    | Iowa, USA | Math & Science, Top

    (I work in a grocery store meat department. I’m helping a customer who is wanting items packaged specifically, like six steaks in two packages of three. She has been talking to me with a very condescending tone like I’m stupid. I am a science major in college.)

    Customer: “Can I get two packages of four rib eyes?”

    (I wrap the steaks in two packages and give them to her.)

    Customer: “You can add, subtract, and multiply, but can you divide?”

    Me: “I can divide, differentiate, integrate, and do logarithms, just to name some of what I can do.”

    (Her face goes pale and her tone completely changes the rest of the time I have to deal with her. She leaves in a hurry.)

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