Count On A Teenager

| FL, USA | Math & Science, Money

(I am doing some shopping. I am in the soda aisle, when an older customer comes up to me. I am 18.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I was hoping you could do me a favor. I don’t have a calculator, and I only need one of these.”

(The customer points to sodas marked five for $11.)

Customer: “Could you figure out how much one is?”

Me: “Of course! One is $2.20.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “If you didn’t want to do it, you could have just said so! There’s no way some stupid teenager like you could figure that out without a calculator! You teenagers can’t even add or subtract without one; how could you possibly work out decimals without one? You just made up a number to get me to go away! I’m on a budget, trying to make sure I have enough to pay for my groceries, and here you are telling me an incorrect number! You could have completely ruined my budget for the rest of the month by making me go over!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry that you think I was trying to do that to you.”

(I pull out my phone and do the math.)

Me: “The price is still $2.20. But just because you only know stupid teenagers, doesn’t mean you should assume everyone you meet is the same. Might I remind you that you had me do it for you, because you didn’t have a calculator?”

Has A Vocation For Location

| Rochester, NY, USA | Geography, Top

(I work in a very high end grocery store, with many rich customers. I approach a lost-looking customer.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I doubt it; the last time I shopped here no one could help me find a d*** thing!”

Me: “Sorry about that, sir. I know where everything is, and I’m sure I can help you if you’d like.”

Customer: *sarcastic* “Oh really, you know where everything is?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Pickles?”

Me: “Aisle 16B.”

Customer: “Note cards.”

Me: “17.”

Customer: “Anchovies.”

Me: “16B again.”

Customer: “Batteries.”

Me: “Next to register one.”

(This rapid fire Q&A goes on for five more minutes. I never mess up.)

Customer: “Alright smart guy, where are the shores of Tripoli?”

Me: “Libya.”

Customer: “Wow, I was just trying to throw you off there. How did you know that off the top of your head?”

Me: “I told you; I know where everything is.”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

Grill The Sandwiches, Not The Staff

| Boise, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(My boyfriend and I are getting lunch from the deli. Standing next to me is a customer, ordering a sandwich from a different worker.)

Customer: “Do you speak English? How many times do I have to tell you? No cheese!”

Deli Worker: “Alright, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why is this taking so long? Hurry up!”

Deli Worker: “I’ll have your order done shortly.”

(The bread on the sandwich breaks, and the employee looks panicked.)

Deli Worker: “Would you like me to remake your sandwich?”

Customer: “Just put the d*** thing in a bag so I can go!”

Deli Worker: “Are you sure?”

(The customer turns to me.)

Customer: “Does anyone speak English in this place?!”

Me: “There is no reason to be so rude.”

Customer: “But he asked me if I wanted cheese! I wrote down ‘no cheese’ and he still asked me!”

Me: “So what? Ma’am, he is trying his best, and being patient with you. You need to calm down.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! What is wrong with you people?”

(I reach up to gather my order, which is now ready.)

Customer: “D*** it, look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(I give the employees a huge grin.)

Me: “Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day, guys!”

Customer: “Why doesn’t anyone speak English?!”

(Both deli workers give me an appreciative smile. The one that made my food runs over to the register and puts a sticker on my plate; my lunch is free!)

It’s Cent-less To Argue

| Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

(I am a cashier at the front end of a grocery store. A customer hands me four $1 bills.)

Customer: “$3.50 in quarters please!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “You heard me; I’d like $3.50 in quarters.”

Me: “Wouldn’t you just like the $4 in quarters?”

Customer: “No? If I wanted that, then I would have asked for $4 in quarters.”

Me: “Then how would you like the remaining $0.50?”

Customer: “What remaining $0.50? Look, I don’t know what is so hard about this.”

(I just gave the customer his $4 worth of quarters, and he walked away.)

How To Deflate The Bag

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in the produce section of a grocery store. I have just witnessed a customer pretty much destroy our bagged-salad section. The customer is just pulling bags out of their holders and dropping them where ever, and quite obviously on purpose. The customer has no idea I’ve been watching her. After she stops her destruction, I head over to put it back together. The customer comes back, and starts a conversation.)

Customer: “It’s just a shame that someone would do that to you! I can’t believe some people!”

Me: “Bah, it’s not really a big deal.”

Customer: “…not really a big deal?”

Me: “No, not at all. I look at it this way: If a customer has to get their kicks by coming into this grocery store and trying to get a rise out of the employees by messing up a portion of the store, then that customer’s life is obviously more pathetic than mine.”

Customer: *open mouthed stare*

Me: “So, was there anything else you needed tonight?”

Customer: “No… thanks…”

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