The Bald And The Beautiful

| Roseville, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m stocking food in one of the grocery aisles. At the opposite end of the aisle are two teenage boys and a pair of bald women customers. One of the customers has dark brown patches on her scalp and is wearing sunglasses. The other has clear skin, is wearing a nice dress and extravagant earrings. I’m a male with alopecia, so seeing young, balding people doesn’t really mystify me. The two teenage boys start to point and laugh at them.)

Teenage Boy #1: “Man, these two d***’s think they look so good! Bald b**** trying to look girly; she’d look hot if she didn’t have a nasty man head!”

Teenage Boy #2: “Look at the nasty spots on her head!”

Teenage Boy #1: “Nasty spotty b**** with her nasty lesbian friend!”

(Horrified, I start to storm over to stop this, when the customer with patchy skin whips around, mere inches from the teenage boy’s faces and speaks through gritted teeth.)

Customer #1: “I have f****** cancer! Metastatic breast cancer. I probably don’t have very long to f****** live. These ‘nasty spots’ are lesions. My best friend shaved her head to support me. She’s the best support system you could f****** ask for, and if you two have a support system in making fun of two women whose lives you don’t even know, then I’m sorry for you. So, I’ll thank you to hold off on these comments in the future, just in case the people you’re berating are either dying or about to lose someone they love.”

(The color leaves the boys faces, and they hang their heads low, while the women walk down the aisle toward me. Customer #2 turns back to them.)

Customer #2: “Oh, and even if we were bald lesbians, you still had better keep your d*** mouths shut!”

(As they walk past me, I tip my hat off to them to reveal my smooth, shiny head. The women high five me, and walk to the next aisle arm in arm.)

Self-Expression Lane

| New Braunfels, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(At my store, we try to send out baggers with customers who have the electric carts so they can bring them back inside and keep them charged. We don’t keep baggers on our express ’10-items-or-less’ lanes, so I call down to another register to have a bagger help out the customer I’ve just checked out.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, someone will be down in just a moment to help you outside. Have a good rest of your day!”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(The customer scoots up a little bit, but not completely out of the line. I begin ringing up customer behind her while the bagger makes her way over to my end of checkout. A customer in my line starts yelling.)

Yelling Customer: “Lady, you need to move!”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Yelling Customer: “Get out of the way; you’re holding everyone up! You’re not the only person in this store you know!”

(The bagger arrives about this time, and she and the elderly customer proceed outside. I continue checking out people and eventually reach the man who was yelling at the woman. He proceeds to unload his cart and clearly has way more than 10 items.)

Yelling Customer: “Wow, some people are just so inconsiderate. They act like they’re the only people on Earth. They just don’t care!”

Me: “You’re very right. I find there are many folks who are unable to count to 10 as well.”

Yelling Customer: *shuts up*

The Customer Is Not Always Related

| Natchitoches, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

(My boyfriend and I are picking up some groceries for his apartment. We see one of his friends and he decides to stop and chat. We stand there talking for about fifteen minutes and by this time I am hungry. To signal him that I want to leave, I put my hand in his back pocket.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed.”

(My boyfriend and I turn to see an older woman scowling at us.)

Boyfriend: “All she did was put her hand in my pocket so I would shut up so that we can leave.”

Customer: “She’s your sister, and you should be ashamed!”

Me: “He’s not my brother; he’s my boyfriend.”

Customer: “Don’t lie! I can see the resemblance! You shouldn’t grab your brother that way! It’s disgusting!”

Boyfriend: “Look, lady, we are not related. Go bother someone else with your crazy.”

Customer: “I am not crazy!”

(The customer approaches my boyfriend’s friend.)

Customer: “They’re siblings, aren’t they!?”

Boyfriend’s Friend: “If that’s true, it’s news to me and I’ve known [boyfriend] for quite a long time. As far as I know, he only has one sister and she is much younger.”

Customer: “LIES! YOU’RE ALL LIARS!” *runs off*

Scaring Is Caring

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(A young mom with a five- or six-year-old girl approach my register.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Mom: “I’m fine, thanks.”

Girl: “I’m scared!”

Me: *to girl* “What are you scared of?”

Girl: “You!”

Me: “Me?”

(Her mom and I look at each other, giggling a bit.)

Me: “Would I be less scary if I gave you a sticker?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Would you like a sticker anyway?”

Girl: “Okay.”

(I finish up the transaction, and they walk towards the exit.)

Me: “Thanks! Bye, scaredy-cat!”

Girl: “Bye, strange lady!”

(She was so cute; I’m still giggling.)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a gas station. A construction company has accidentally knocked out our power. After getting the store closed up and the closed signs are posted to the doors, we wait for the power to be restored. A customer parks her car at the gas pumps, walks to the entrance, and pounds on the door.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we’ve experienced a power outage and we’re closed for a few more hours.”

Customer: “I need to get gas.”

Me: I’m sorry, but as I said, we’re closed at the moment. I hate to do it, but I have to send you to the gas station across the street.

Customer: “Don’t you have a key to the register? Why can’t you take my money and let me get my gas? Everybody else does it manually.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you don’t seem to understand. Without electricity, the gas pump won’t work. I wish we could help you, but we can’t right now.”

Customer: “Well, I know the owner of this store personally. And you can tell him I am very dissatisfied with the service from his employees. He won’t like this at all.”

Me: *smiling* “Ma’am, he’s actually right here, and you can speak with him yourself.”

(I step aside, and the owner of the store, who has been listening, walks to the front door.)

Owner: “I’m sorry, but who are you? The power is out right now and we’re closed!”

(The owner pulls the door closed, locks it, and walks away from the very embarrassed customer.)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner

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