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    Hard-To-Please-Her Scrooge

    | BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Holidays, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s nearing Christmas time, and I am working at the till to cover a coworker’s break. I start to ring through a man’s groceries. Behind him is an old lady, whom I recognize as being a regular. She is always grumpy.)

    Man: *quietly* “And I’d like to pay for her stuff, too.”

    (I laugh.)

    Man: “No, really.”

    Me: “Oh! Okay.”

    (This has never happened to me before. I look over at the lady’s packages and enter them manually, rather than scanning them, and tell the man his new total.)

    Man: “Don’t tell her until after I’m gone.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I finish the transaction, hand him his receipt, and tell him to have a good day. Just as he is about to leave, he drops his wallet. All his cards spill out everywhere, and he has to stop and pick them all up. I put the old lady’s packages in bags and hand them to her.)

    Me: “Here you go!”

    Old Lady: “What do I owe you?”

    Me: “It’s taken care of.”

    Old Lady: “What?”

    Me: “It’s paid for.”

    Old Lady: *scowling* “Who did that?”

    (The man is still trying to cram cards back into his wallet without dropping his groceries.)

    Me: “Um… him.”

    (The old lady starts scowling at him.)

    Old Lady: “Why did you do that?”

    Man: “Well, it’s Christmas. Merry Christmas.”

    (He finally manages to tuck his wallet away and leaves.)

    Old Lady: “I know I’ve seen that jerk around somewhere!”

    Drop(out) The Bomb

    | AB, Canada | School, Underaged

    (I live in a small town; as such, little stories such as ‘so and so made this all star team’ or ‘this person went to a university’s honor band” frequently appear in the newspaper. During high school, I was part of the later group until I started university, where my name would continue to appear in the Dean’s List published at the end of each semester. At this moment, university has been out for a week, while the high schools are finishing up their school year.)

    Customer: “Hey, why aren’t you in school?”

    Me: “Beg pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s 11:00 AM; not even the students with special privileges to work during school hours should be out yet! Why are you not at [School] and working here?”

    Me: “Sir, I graduated a few years ago.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I just saw your name in the paper for some fancy list.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the Dean’s List? Yes, I’m happy that I got on it this semester. I was taking a full load of classes!”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be done yet! School doesn’t finish for another three weeks.”

    Me: “Sir, I no longer attend [High School]. Instead, I—”

    Customer: *shocked* “You dropped out?! After all those times you were in the paper for music and smart stuff? What in the world possessed you to do that?!”

    Me: “I didn’t drop out sir. I just—”

    Customer: “Where is your manager? I need to talk to him about hiring drop outs, even if they appear to be smarticle like you!”

    (Yes, he did use the word ‘smarticle.’)

    Me: *pulls university ID card out of pocket wallet* “Please read the date this was issued.”

    Customer: “Summer 2010?”

    Me: “Yes. Now, why would I have a university ID card?”

    Customer: “Because you go to that university?”

    (I wait.)

    Customer: “Oh… yeah. That was the college list, wasn’t it?” *gathers up items, pays, and leaves*

    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 3

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Money

    (I receive a phone call while working the customer service desk.)

    Me: “Hello, [store name], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, dear. I’ve got a $50 food voucher and I was just wondering if I could get a phone card for it.”

    (Food vouchers are basically welfare cheques that can only be used towards food purchases.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it cannot.”

    Customer: “I don’t need $50 of food! What if I just bought $10 of food, and use the change I get back on a phone card?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we cannot give you change back. If you spend less than the amount on the voucher, no change is given. If you go over the $50, you have to pay the difference yourself.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I bought $50 of food, returned it, got the money back and then bought the phone card?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we also do not give you a receipt. This is so people don’t return food to get non-food items in return. If you return items without a receipt, all we can do is exchange it for a similar item.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with a $50 food voucher?”

    Me: “Buy food.”

    Customer: “But I need a phone card! This is ridiculous!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

    How To Spot A Bad Penny

    | AK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

    (I’m teaching a trainee how to operate the cash register.)

    Me: “You see, all you have to do is press this button here, then the drawer will open, and the amount to give back will be up on the screen, as well as the receipt.”

    Trainee: “Oh! That’s really easy!”

    (During this time, a regular customer has been watching us, kind of poking around at the end of the register for awhile. I’m keeping an eye on her, as this customer is notorious for being dramatic.)

    Customer: “I’m ready to check out!”

    Trainee: “Yes ma’am, how are you today?” *begins checking out her items*

    Customer: “Oh, I’m fine. I have some change I’d like to empty from my purse.”

    (At this point I’m relatively relieved, as there hasn’t been any issues. However, she proceeds to pull four BAGS of PENNIES from her purse, and plops them on the counter.)

    Customer: “It’s legal tender, so start counting!”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Me: “There is a Coinstar to your left, and a bank right in front of you. The Coinstar charges 8.9 cents per dollar, and I’m pretty sure the bank does it for free. I’ll be happy to suspend your order until you’ve returned.”

    (Despite how calm I am, my trainee looks visibly terrified.)

    Customer: “Shame on you. What terrible customer service. I will call and have you fired!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve said, I will be happy to suspend your order, but if you continue on yelling, I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I am the customer! I am always right, so be—”

    Me: “QUIET.”

    Customer: *goes slack-jawed*

    Me:You will not get anyone here fired. You have not only been horrifically rude, but have made an extremely embarrassing spectacle of yourself in front of most of the store. You are holding up this line. Here are your bags of pennies, so please leave.”

    (The customer dawdled away from my register, but stayed by the front of the store screaming at everyone who walked in about us not taking her bags of pennies. The manager had to eventually call the police on her. It took a long time to reassure my trainee that not everyone was crazy like that!)

    Cash-Back It Forward

    | West Palm Beach, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    Customer: “Looks like I’ll need cash back today.”

    (The customer opens his wallet. It’s empty.)

    Me: *laughs* “Oh, I know how that is.” *joking* “But I never even have the cash to get back.”

    (The customer gets $40 in cash back. I hand him two twenties.)

    Me: “Twenty and forty, have a good day, sir!”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (He walks off a moment, then turns around and tosses one of the twenties I handed him onto the register.)

    Customer: “A little cash back for you.” *smiles*

    (Before I can protest, he leaves. I wound up using that $20 to fill my gas tank. Thank you, sir!)

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