That’s No Way To Talk To A Customer

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m checking out at a grocery store and the cashier has a sign out that reads ‘I’ve lost my voice. Please work with me.’)

Cashier: *nods at me by way of greeting; points to the sign*

Me: *nods and give thumbs up to indicate that I saw it*

Cashier: *scans a bottle of wine; pantomimes opening his wallet*

Me: *wordlessly show him my ID*

Cashier: *holds up a bag; raises eyebrow to ask if I want one*

Me: *nods; hold up one finger*

Me: *out loud* “Oh… I guess I can still talk, huh?”

Cashier: *smiles and writes me a quick note on a scrap of paper*

Note: “Don’t feel bad. You’re at least the 10th person today.”

Judged Unworthy To Judge

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Religion

(I am wearing rabbit ears the week before the Easter holiday while I ring groceries.)

Customer: “And do you go to church on Easter?”

Me: “No, I celebrate with baskets, candy, and a nice family meal.”

Customer: “I don’t think Jesus would approve of that.”

Me: “Luckily for me, Jesus wasn’t exactly known to judge people.”

(That shut him up!)

Hopes And Dreams In Aisle Four

| Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre

(I’m at the register checking out a customer.)

Me: “Hi! How are you doing today? Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What were you unable to find today?”

Customer: “I didn’t find a million dollars. Or a man made of gold. Or 11 inches!”

(I’m trying to keep a straight face.)

Me: “Did you try the garden center?”

No Good Day To You

, | TX, USA | Bad Behavior

(I hand out samples of sushi in a grocery store. Sometimes I recognize certain people as the ones that always say no, so I do not even try to ask. Instead, I ask them how they’re doing and try to simply be friendly as they pass by. This is a very common response.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Well, have a good day.”

Customer: “I said no.”

Smile, And The Whole World Goes Crazy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m in line at a grocery store. The cashier is a girl in her teens, and looks like she’s had a long night. She’s not rude or anything, just not particularly perky. She’s bagging the customer’s items.)

Customer: *leaning towards the cashier with a big creepy smile on her face* “You know, the smiles here are free!”

(The cashier’s eyes widen a little, but before she can decide if this woman is serious, the customer keeps going:)

Customer: “You know, I used to work as a cashier, and I know how hard it can be, but you just HAVE to keep smiling! Smiling is SO important in this job!”

(She smiles even wider, clearly pleased with herself and the ‘wisdom’ she’s imparted. She takes her bags, smiles EVEN WIDER, and skips off.)

Me: “I wonder if she knows that she stole that line from McDonald’s?”

Cashier: *dazed* “No, I think she thinks she came up with it. Thank god I’m off in five minutes!”

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