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    But We Do Have Some Everlasting Gob-Stoppers

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s a snowy winter day on the East Coast. Customers are placing their items on the checkout counter to be rung up by me. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not a winter coat, no gloves or hat, and I’m three registers away from the open outside door.)

    Customer: “Brrr! It’s so COLD! How can you STAND it in here? You must be FREEZING!”

    Me: “No, I don’t mind it. We keep busy when we are at the register.”

    Customer: *eyeing the previous customer’s frozen ice cream containers being bagged by a coworker* “How can anyone buy ice cream on a freezing day like this?”

    Me: “Ah, well then, you should buy some Willy Wonka’s Hot Ice Cream! It’s perfect for those cold days.”

    Coworker: *stops bagging items and stares at me with open mouth*

    Customer: “Wow! Really? That sounds great! Is it too late to go back and get some?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re temporarily out of stock.”

    Coworker: *turns away to laugh*

    Customer: “Oh. Too bad.”

    Me: *smiling at the customer’s ignorance of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’* “Maybe next time. Have a good day!”

    Talking Turkey About Working Here

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am shopping at a grocery store, when another customer reaches into my cart and grabs a package of ground turkey. It was on sale, so I was buying eight packages of it. Of note, I am wearing a black t shirt and blue jeans; the store employees wear blue vests and nametags.)

    Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Woman: “I’m trying to help you out. God, you can’t even say thank you?”

    Me: “How does taking food out of my shopping cart help me?”

    Woman: “Now you don’t have to go put this one back. Geez, you’re welcome.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m a customer here. If you take my food, it means I have to go back and pick up another one. That’s not helping.”

    Woman: “Don’t lie to me, boy. No one would buy this much turkey at once.”

    Me: “I would. It’s on sale, and I’ve got a chest freezer at home, so I can buy a lot when it’s on sale and use it up gradually. Please give me back my food.”

    Woman: “It’s mine now. And I’m going to complain to your supervisor. You shouldn’t be so rude to your customers.”

    Me: “Since I don’t work here, good luck with that.”

    (I decided it wasn’t worth arguing with her anymore, and went to go get another package of turkey. I hope she did try to complain to a manager.)

    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar, Part 2

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (My store closes at 9:00 pm and I am the last register open on a Friday night. A couple came through my line around 8:45 with a cart full of groceries. I ring them up and finish around 8:55.)

    Me: *cheerily* “That’ll be $87.95.”

    Woman: “Oh, I have coupons!”

    (She proceeds to take out a handful of coupons and hands them to me hastily. I scan them in.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $79.45.”

    Woman: “Um, you didn’t scan them all in.”

    Me: “Yes, I did, ma’am. One of them is expired so I can’t use it but the rest I scanned.”

    Woman: “But you’re missing one. I gave you ten coupons and there are only eight there.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. You actually only gave me nine.”

    Woman: “Well, I had ten; it was for a dollar off so just ring it in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I can’t put the coupon in unless you have it with you. I need it so my drawer won’t be off.”

    Woman: *screams* “This is completely ridiculous!! I had ten coupons so give me my other coupon!”

    Husband: “Just give it to her. It’s fine.”

    Me: “No, it’s not. I’m not allowed to give you the coupon unless you have it. Sorry, it’s my job.”

    (At this point the woman’s eyes looked like they were about to bug out of her head as she threw the cash on the register.)

    Woman: “Just give me my change.”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your change is $19.55, have a great night.”

    Woman: *huffs, grabs her cart, and sprints out of the store, husband trailing behind*

    (My manager walks over and just stares after them. It is 9:15 pm at this point.)

    Manager: “If anyone like that b**** bothers you again let me know so I can take care of them. People are f****** awful.”

    Related:
    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar

    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    ( am around five and I am at the grocery store with my dad. We are waiting in line and it is long because only a few registers are open. When we are next to be rung up a business lady defiantly walks in front of me and my dad and proceeds to unload her cart.)

    Me: “Hey, dad, that lady just budged us!”

    (To this my dad replied loudly enough for everyone around us to hear:)

    Dad: “Well, [My Name], it’s all right for her to do that because she is important. Far more important than we are. In fact, she probably works for the government and she has to cut in front of us because they need her to help save the world. So, don’t get angry that she walked in front of us like we didn’t exist because she’s way too important to the country to wait in line like a normal person. In fact, she probably doesn’t wait in line anywhere because lives could be lost if she doesn’t get her milk and eggs three minutes sooner.”

    (At this point the cashier has stopped ring her items up and everyone around us was watching. The woman turned to us, a mixture of annoyed and embarrassed.)

    Woman: “I, uh… You can go in front of me if you’d like…”

    (My dad holds up his hand.)

    Dad: “I would never, ma’am. Your time is far too important for us mere peasants to waste. You go off and keep protecting our country.”

    (She was completely red as she finished her purchase and walked out quickly.)

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
    In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3

    Total Block-Head

    | Woodbury, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (The store is getting a new parking lot so there are limited spaces.)

    Customer: *runs up to the customer service desk* “The parking lot is a mess!”

    Me: “Yes, I’m aware of that.”

    Customer: “There’s not enough parking spaces for everyone! I was forced to park in the back of the lot.”

    Me: “Yes. I parked seven blocks away from the store.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *slowly walks away*

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