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    That’s The Way The Cookie Repeatedly Crumbles

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. Today I’m training a new employee on how to use the register. A woman comes up with a box of cookies. I scan it.)

    Woman: “No! The price on those is too high. Cancel it.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I cancel it.)

    Woman: “Scan it again.”

    Me: “Um, okay?”

    (I scan it again.)

    Woman: “No, the price is still too high. Cancel it.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (I cancel it again.)

    Woman: “Scan it again.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the price isn’t going to change.”

    Woman: “You don’t know that!”

    (This goes on for several minutes to the point where I have to call a manager over to deal with. Eventually she leaves, without the cookies.)

    Trainee: “Did that really just happen?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Trainee: “Is customer service always like this?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Trainee: “I should get my stupidity vaccine updated, shouldn’t I?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Also Forgot His Nuts

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I go to the store to get bananas, and nothing else. I pay for the bananas, and start to walk away, forgetting them at the register.)

    Cashier: *holds bananas up and calls to me* “Hey! Your bananas!”

    Me: “That’s between me and my psychiatrist, thank you very much!”

    (We all have a good chuckle as I return for the bananas.)

    A License For Understanding

    | Bothell, WA, USA | Awesome Customers

    (I’m the customer in this story. I’ve recently moved to a new state and applied to transfer my driver’s license. As such I’m having to use a temporary paper license until my new one is mailed to me.)

    Cashier: *seeing I have a bottle of wine among my purchases* “Sir, can I see your ID for the alcohol?”

    Me: “Sure.” *shows him the temporary license I have*

    Cashier: “Umm, sir, that’s no good on its own. I need to see your old license, too, if you have it.”

    Me: “Really? Umm… can I quickly dash out to my car and grab it? I’ll only be a moment.”

    Cashier: *eyes me suspiciously* “You actually have it in your car? Not playing me here?”

    Me: “Nope, swear to God. I have my old license right out in my car. If you can put my stuff aside I promise I’ll be right back.”

    Cashier: *still suspicious* “Okay.”

    (I run out, grab my old driver’s license, and run back inside. I join the back of the line at the cashier’s register, but upon seeing me he does a double take and gestures for me to come to the bagging area.)

    Cashier: “Wow, you actually came back?”

    Me: “Yep, here’s my old license. Really sorry if I held you up there. I’ve never had to transfer my license before so I didn’t know how it works if you only have a temporary one.”

    (The cashier checks my ID, then looks at me with an odd expression. He looks to the wine, then just picks it up and puts it with my other stuff without ringing it up.)

    Cashier: “Here, have a drink on me for being the one customer who actually acted sensibly when told there was a problem with his ID.”

    Me: *amazed* “Uh… wow, really? You don’t have to do that.”

    Cashier: “Sir, I wasn’t exaggerating there when I said you are the only one who didn’t throw a fit, or complain. Consider it a ‘gentleman’s discount.'”

    (I made sure to enjoy that wine to the utmost. To that cashier, your gentlemanly customer empathizes with your plight and was glad to prove an exception to the rule.)

    We All Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

    | NE, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I’m stocking product in an aisle while two older gentlemen are browsing through it. One is practically shouting into his phone.)

    Customer #1: *on phone* “HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF CHIPOLLETA ICE CREAM?”

    Customer #2: “GELATO!”

    Customer #1: *on phone* “GELATO ICE CREAM?”

    Feeling Bad For Jimmy

    | Waukesha, WI, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

    (It is 1995. I am 18 and working as a third shift stocker at a major grocery store chain. I am approached by an 18-20 year old white male.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, you got any Jimmy Hats?”

    Me: “…and they are?”

    Customer: “You know man! Jimmy Hats! I need to get my Jimmy Hats. They are for my girl.”

    Me: “Are they a type of candy? If so, aisle four, far end on your left.”

    (The customer leaves off in that direction and I continue stocking. The customer comes back.)

    Customer: “Hey, I couldn’t find them. I need to get the Jimmy Hats my girl wants.”

    Me: “Okay, I will come look. Do you know what the packaging looks like?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they are Jimmy Hats.”

    (I walk him over to the candy aisle and start looking with him and he also looks through the candy.)

    Customer: “See, man? I don’t see Jimmy Hats here anywhere.”

    Me: “Okay, do you want me to page someone else for assistance?”

    Customer: “No man, I just need the Jimmy Hats.”

    Me: “Do you know what they look like?”

    Customer: “Yeah! They look like Jimmy Hats.”

    (This goes on for a bit like this in a horrible circle.)

    Me: “Okay, I can’t help you. Let me page someone else.”

    Customer: “Okay, hopefully they can help me find the Jimmy Hats.”

    Me: *on intercom* “Customer in need of assistance in [aisle].”

    (One of my coworkers comes over.)

    Customer: “I need a box of Jimmy Hats for my girlfriend and he can’t find them.”

    Coworker: *looks confused* “And they are?”

    Customer: “JIMMY HATS! My girlfriend wants me to get a box of JIMMY HATS!”

    (The customer suddenly looks embarrassed that he yelled that. Starts looking around nervously. A grandmother and her grandkids have now come into the aisle and start going through the candy.)

    Coworker: “We might not carry that type of candy.”

    Customer: “But they are Jimmy Hats. She said she got them here before!”

    Coworker: “We might be out of stock.”

    Customer: “But I need to get Jimmy Hats for my girl.”

    (I go and get a female cashier to try and help him. The customer turns red.)

    Customer: “Um. I just need them… you know…” *gestures downwards*

    Me: *realizes* “Condoms?”

    Customer: *he just blinks and nods*

    Me: “Why didn’t you tell me it wasn’t candy when we were searching this aisle? You even looked at the candy.”

    Customer: “Well, I am hungry…”

    (I take customer to the proper area and he gets his condoms.)

    Cashier: “Okay, one bag of Twizzlers and your Jimmy Hats.”

    Customer: *just turns red, pays, and walks out*

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