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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Smooth Out The Allergy Situation

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

    (She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

    (She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

    Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

    (She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

    Serving By The Seat Of His Pants

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I have a regular customer who comes into the customer service desk where I work. He always needs help with the ATM. He’s a strange little fellow, always smells of beer and slurs his words. I am working on some paperwork when he comes in.)

    Customer: “He-hey, hey, you’re the lady who helped me earlier right?”

    Me: “Yes, is something wrong?”

    (I had helped him with the ATM then did an exchange. He had gotten the wrong ice cream.)

    Customer: “No, I was just wondering if you’d do me a favor?”

    Me: “What do you need? I’ll try my best to help.”

    Customer: “If I give you $40 will you take these pants back to the store for me and get me a smaller size?”

    Me: “Uhm, no. I don’t get off work until seven so I don’t think I’ll be able to get there.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s okay. They don’t close until nine; you have plenty of time.”

    Me: “I’m still going to say no. Sorry.”

    Customer: “You’re saying no.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s a no.”

    (He walked away without saying anything. My coworker and I just looked at each other like we both imagined it.)

    Never Too Old To Live

    | OH, USA | Bizarre

    (An old man approaches me. I can’t remember the first thing he said to me because it made absolutely no sense.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

    (He puts out his fist to me. I’m unsure what to do for an awkward two seconds, then I put out my fist. He proceeds to fist bump me.)

    Old Man: “YOLO.”

    (He walks away as I stand there in shock.)

    Should Have Been Carted Away

    | Cedar Hill, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (The woman currently being served has a shopping cart PILED with food, clothes and toiletries, but most of it has been rung up and bagged, so I think she is almost done. However, the next man in line, cart about 2/3 full, turns out to be her adult son, and his cart is added to her purchases. No problem, I think; only one payment to process instead of two, this will be even faster. Then the trouble begins.)

    Cashier: “Your total is [nearly $900].”

    Customer: “Okay.” *swipes card*

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s declined.”

    Customer: “Try it again!”

    Cashier: *does so* “Hmm, declined. Do you have another card?”

    Customer: “No, I know there’s money on that card! You’re not doing it right!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, sometimes the machine doesn’t read the strip. Let me type your number in manually… No, I’m sorry, it’s still declined. Do you have another method of payment, like a check?”

    Customer: “Who writes checks anymore? I got this check CARD! That’s what it’s for!”

    Cashier: “How about a credit card? Visa, Mastercard, Amex—”

    Customer: “No, credit cards are a scam. Are you saying I don’t have any money? I HAVE MONEY!” *waving debit card*

    Cashier: “It doesn’t tell me why it’s declined, ma’am, just that it is. There’s an ATM right there, if you’d like to step out of line and verify your balance while I ring up the next person—”

    Customer: “NO! You’re helping ME! Don’t you move!”

    (She has her adult son stand behind her carts so I can’t move up to the scanner belt. The cashier sighs, and shoots me an ‘I’m sorry’ look. The customer goes over to ATM and fiddles around for a few minutes, then gets on her cell phone to the bank but is stymied by the automated prompts. I think this surely can’t go on much longer, as we’re approaching the 15-minute mark for her transaction.)

    Cashier: “Ma’am, if you can’t pay at this time, I need you to move aside and let other customers through. I can suspend your transaction so we won’t have to ring everything up again when you have your payment ready.”

    Customer: “NO. I have money on this card! I always use this card here, and you always give me trouble about it!”

    Cashier: “Do you have another card I can try? Or possibly you could remove some items from your transaction and try again with a lower total—”

    Customer: “NO! I need all this stuff! And I always pay with THIS CARD! I’m not on welfare. I have money! Why won’t you take my card?!”

    (The cashier summons a manager, who tells the woman the same thing; if she doesn’t have a working debit card or other form of payment, she will have to leave her two full carts of bagged items and come back when she can pay.)

    Customer: “…and THAT is why I always carry cash!”

    (She whipped out a huge roll of bills and peeled off the required amount, with plenty left over, then strolled out with her son and their two shopping carts as every employee and customer in earshot stood with jaws on the floor.)

    Needs More Self-Help Than Self-Checkout

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

    (I’m a customer at the grocery store using the self-check out. Another customer and his wife approach the self-check out when the husband suddenly stops and turns to his wife.)

    Customer: “I’m not using self-check out! Those machines are smarter than I am!”

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