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    Going Barking Mad

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am working the customer service counter at a local grocery store.)

    Customer: *puts a bag of dog food on the counter* “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Certainly. Was there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No. I’m pregnant, and I’m losing my mind. I have a cat.”

    Separate Yourself From Sense

    | Madison, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a cashier.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to do two separate transactions.”

    Me: “No problem!”

    (The customer divides her groceries into two piles. I finish the first, total it, and she pays. I begin to ring up the second order.)

    Customer: “WHAT are you doing?!”

    Me: “Uh… I just completed your first order, so now I’m doing your second.”

    Customer: “But WHY did you separate them?”

    Me: “Because… you told me to?”

    (At this point, the customer behind her starts giggling.)

    Customer: “… Oh.”

    Getting A Man-Handle On Your Words

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am a woman, and I am cashiering at a grocery store that is conducting a charitable fund drive. I am packing a chatty man’s groceries into his backpack.)

    Man: “Look at how you just get that all in there! You’re really man-handling that stuff!”

    Me: *packing the last two things, which are pieces of fruit* “Oh, but I don’t want to man-handle your peaches.”

    Man: “I don’t want to man-handle your peaches.”

    (I splutter and stare at this, torn between outrage and hilarity.)

    Man: “I’m sorry.” *as if to himself* “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

    Me: “To make it up to me, you will donate to our fundraiser.”

    Man: “Deal.”

    Popped Off

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer walks into the store and walks over to the service desk with a cart FULL of pop.)

    Customer: “I want to return this pop. I didn’t seem to need it.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but this isn’t a brand we carry. You have to buy the pop here at our store in order to return it here.”

    Customer: “I bought them here last week! I just want my d*** money back!”

    Coworker: “Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my d*** receipt. Don’t you have it on file?”

    Coworker: “I apologize, but we don’t.”

    (The customer immediately kicks over the whole cart of 30 bottles of pop and storms away. We all stand there in shock after, but on a positive note we all got to keep the pop that he had left behind!)

    Not Quite On The Money

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (The grocery store I work at also sells DVDs for a pretty cheap price. A customer comes up to me, irate.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need to return this movie!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure we’ll be able to refund you, since it’s been opened. Was the disc scratched or something?”

    Customer: “No! The movie was terrible! I can’t believe you would sell me such a horrible movie!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry to hear you didn’t like the movie, but we can’t refund you just because you didn’t like it.”

    Customer: “Yes, you can! You’ve seen the movie; you know how bad it is! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Sir, I’ve never seen this movie.”

    Customer: “Yes, you have!”

    Me: *confused, and 100 percent sure I’ve never seen it* “I’m sorry, but I’ve never seen this movie. I’m not a fan of this genre.”

    Customer: “YES. YOU. HAVE. You can’t sell movies you haven’t seen, without knowing if they’re any good. It’s the law!”

    (At this point my manager has heard the yelling and comes over.)

    Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes. This movie was terrible and this girl sold it to me knowing it would be bad, and now she’s claiming she never saw it. You should fire her.”

    Manager: “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, sir. We can refund you this time, but in the future, please be aware that you buy movies at your own risk.”

    Customer: “Good. You should take more care hiring your employees. SOME of them like to break the law!”

    (She refunds the movie, and hands the man the $3 he paid for it.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Manager: “It’s your refund.”

    Customer: “No way! I paid way more than this. I paid $20!”

    (It clearly says ‘$3 movies!’ on the rack behind him, which I point out.)

    Customer: “This is bulls***! I demand my full refund! Look, it even says $20 here on my receipt!”

    (I take the receipt, find the movie listed, and point out that it clearly says $3. The customer continues trying to argue his case and my manager takes over again.)

    Manager: “Okay, sir. I see the problem here. May I have that money back?”

    (She proceeds to count the money back into the drawer, and then count it back out again, so it still adds up to $3. Then she hands it back to the customer.)

    Manager: “Here you go, sir. I’m very sorry about that. I’ll be sure to have a talk with [My Name] about counting out money correctly. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you! It’s about time someone knew what they were doing!”

    (The customer stalks off, mumbling about how incompetent I am, without noticing that he still only had $3. My manager and I had a pretty good laugh once he was gone!)

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