Eau De Customer

| Gilford, NH, USA | Uncategorized

(This is a lake town in New Hampshire, so we see a lot of Quebecians in the summer. Usually, they’re a bit standoffish, but polite. This time, not so much.)

Mother: “What’s wrong with your lake?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Mother: “Your lake is bad. There’s something nasty in it.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know about that… I myself swim in there fairly often…”

Mother: “Well, your lake has made my son smell like garbage! Your lake must have garbage in it!”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure that’s just not true.”

Mother: “You must have built up resistance or something. Here, smell him.” *pushes son towards me*

Me: “Excuse me? I’d rather not smell your son.”

Mother: “So you admit that he smells like garbage from your lake! You people should do something about this.” *takes her groceries and leaves, smiling in a superior fashion*

Coworker: “Did she seriously want you to smell her son?”

Paper, Plastic, Horrible, Fantastic

| Burlington, MA | Uncategorized

Me: “Did you need a bag for that?”

Customer: “Yes… oh, do you have plastic? Can I have one?”

Me: “Sure.” *hands her a plastic bag*

Customer: “I thought you guys were like Whole Foods. They got rid of all their plastic bags.”

Me: “Well, I know they’re trying to ban plastic bags in Boston…”

Customer: *suddenly agitated* “A company shouldn’t need a law to do the right thing!”

Me: “Oh… we keep ours because some of our customers still prefer plastic bags over paper.”

Customer: *suddenly nice* “Oh I know! I got one!”

Clarity Is Key

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi sir, how are you today? Is there something I can get for you?”

Customer: “Fish.”

Me: “Well, you sure came to the right place. What kind of fish would you like?”

Customer: “Dead fish.”

Me: “…”

And On This Farm He Had My Dinner

| Geilo, Norway | Uncategorized

Customer: What’s the difference between this-” *holds up a steak of lamb* “and this?” *holds up a steak of calf*

Me: “Well, this one is from a lamb, and this one from a calf. It says so right here on the label.”

Customer: “But what part of the animal is that?”

Me: *points at the lamb* “Baaaa.” *pointing at the calf* “Moooo.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, thank you so much!”

Fond Future Memories

| California, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Ok sir, your total today is $62.30.”

Customer: *serious* “That was a good year. I remember it well….”

Me: “6230?!”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

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