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    Be Careful What You Ask For

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a wheat sandwich, with everything you like in it.”

    Me: “Um, sir… you will be the one eating the sandwich, not me.”

    Customer: “I SAID I wanted a wheat sandwich with whatever YOU like in it.”

    Me: “Um… what kind of meat?”

    Customer: “Didn’t you just hear what I said? WHEAT SANDWICH WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT!”

    (I make the sandwich for the customer.)

    Customer: “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?!” *walks away*

    Coworker: “So… you like extra mustard and everything on it, especially jalapenos?”

    Me: *smiling* “I don’t like mustard, I don’t like hot stuff, and I hope he has a terrible nice time in the bathroom.”

    My Fellow Americans, You Are Crazy

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Me: “That will be $**.**”

    Customer: “Why’d your prices go up?”

    Me: “Well, the cigarette tax just just went up.”

    Customer: “This sounds illegal.”

    Me: “The state tax on cigarettes just went up. We don’t have control over that.”

    Customer: “I know the President of the United States. ¬†I think I’m gonna give him a call.”

    Me: “Okay… have a nice day.”

    Cheapskates: FAIL

    | New Brunswick, Canada |

    Customer: “Hey, can I get these rolls at a discount?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry sir, it’s only 6:00. We don’t discount the bags until right before close.”

    Customer: “Well, the girl last night let me do it!”

    Me: “Sir, I was working last night, and no, I did not.”

    Customer: “Alright, it was the night before! That girl!”

    Me: “Richard?”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Guilt Trip: FAIL
    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Capitol Region, NY, USA |

    Customer: “What time do you guys close?”

    Me: “Nine.”

    Customer: “… o’clock?”

    Me: “No… feet. Nine feet.”

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question
    Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid

    Welcome To Retail, Part 2

    | South Carolina, USA |

    (It’s my first day on the job. I just finished scanning all of a customer’s groceries and given her the total when she holds up a roll of paper towels. She hadn’t put them on the conveyor belt.)

    Customer: “Why didn’t you ring this up?”

    Me: “Oh. You didn’t put it down on the conveyor belt. I’ll add it to your–”

    Customer: “Why is it my fault? You should have rung it up the first time!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you didn’t–”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager. ”

    (I call my manager over.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, she didn’t ring this up.” *holds up paper towels*

    Manager: “Ma’am, did you put it on the conveyour belt?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Manager: “Then how could she ring it up?”

    Customer: “By sliding it across the beepy thingy, duh!”

    Manager: “How could she if you hadn’t put it down?”

    Customer: “… I don’t know. She just should have!”

    Manager: “Well, then why don’t I take that and we’ll ring that up for you right away.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Manager: “Why not, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to pay for them.”

    Manager: “Okay, ma’am. I can return them to the aisle for you.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Manager: “What?”

    Customer: “I still want them, I just don’t wanna pay. Why do you think I didn’t put them down on the move-belt thing? You gotta give them to me for free now, because I had to call you over.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I’m taking them.”

    Manager: “That’s theft, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *slams paper towels on conveyor belt*

    (She eventually pays, but not before flipping us the bird. How nice for my first day.)

    Welcome To Retail

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