November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Two Heads Of Lettuce Are Better Than One

| Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m checking out a grocery store customer. Everything seems normal until she heads to the bagging area.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t have a bagger right now.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine, I can bag!” *pause* “Would you like paper or plastic, ma’am?” *pause* “I’d like paper, please, thank you.”

(I glance over at the woman from the corner of my eyes.)

Customer: “I love your shirt!” *pause* “Thank you!”

(I continue checking out the lady’s order.)

Customer: “Oh, miss, you’re going too fast. Please slow down!”

(I turn off my conveyor belt and continue to ring up her items.)

Customer: “No, stop going so fast!”

(I slow down for the last four items and then give her the total. The customer comes to the credit card machine to pay.)

Customer: “Thank you, you’re such a wonderful cashier! We’ll have to remember to come through your line next time!”

It’s All In Your Head

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. One evening, a customer comes up to my till.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you, I did.”

(I start scanning his items. Out of nowhere, he grabs the hand-held scanner and points it at his forehead. Naturally, nothing comes up.)

Customer: “Just as I thought. I’m priceless!”

Military Intelligence, Part 4

| Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

(A kid walks up and asks to buy a pack of cigarettes.)

Me: “Could I see your ID please?”

(The kid hands me an un-laminated piece of hand-cut white paper with a picture taped to it and all the “information” handwritten.)

Me: “Seriously, you’re going to try this?”

Customer: “It’s my military ID…”

Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1

An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 2

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where is the bulk smooth peanut butter?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, we’re all out of smooth–”

Customer: “No, that can’t be! I need smooth peanut butter!”

Me: “Well, do you have a food processor?”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “You could always buy some crunchy peanut butter and make it smooth at home.”

Customer: “I can’t have crunchy peanut butter! It has peanuts in it! Are you trying to kill me?!”

An Abundance Of Nuttiness

Extreme Makeover: Criminal Edition

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

(I work in a check-out lane at a grocery store. A boy who looks about 16 walks up to the check-out and puts a twelve pack of beer on the lane.)

Me: “May I see your ID?”

Customer: “Who do you think you are, a cop? No!”

Me: “If you want to purchase these, I need to see your ID. You don’t exactly look over 21.”

Customer: “Fine, b****!”

(He then hands me his ID, which has a picture of an elderly man on it.)

Me: “Sorry, you can’t buy these.”

Customer: “What the h***! I just gave you my ID!”

Me: “This ID belongs to an elderly man who has a gray mustache and beard.”

Customer: “It’s called Botox and shaving.”