Customer Service Saves Another Life

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “How many pine nuts are in your ‘Lemon Orzo with Pine Nuts’?”

Me: “A good amount, why?”

Customer: “Because my husband is allergic, and I was just wondering how much I’d be able to give to him.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, do you like your husband?”

Customer: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Because it could very well kill him.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *nodding*

Customer: “Oh…”

I’m Afraid You Can’t Spell, Dave

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I was monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding a cilantro angrily waved me over.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”

Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ – cilantro is spelled with a ‘C’.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”

Me: “…”

Paranoia In The W.C.

| Grayson, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(I was just about to clean the ladies room, when a female customer walked up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how do you lock this door?”

Me: “There’s no lock on the door, but there’s stalls in there.”

Customer: “But, what if someone tries watching me? I want to know I’m safe from voyeurs.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure nobody will be watching.”

Customer: “What about the men’s room? Is there a lock over there?”

Me: “Well, there’s a stall in there, but there’s two in this one.”

Customer: “But, no lock?”

Me: “Would it help if I stood guard?”

Customer: *now yelling* “Oh? So, you think you can get a little peep show?! Well, I’ll have you know that I won’t tolerate a pervert in my midst! I’ll take my business elsewhere, and you’re getting reported for harassment!”

Me: “But, I–”

Customer: “Good day!” *storms out*

Manager: *listening from his office* “What was that all about?!”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Always Right, Even When They Change Your God-Given Name

| Portage, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m carrying out grocery bags for a middle-aged guy.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m good, you?”

Me: “I’m good, glad that it’s not snowing at the moment.”

Customer: “So, your name is ***, right?

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to call you Samantha.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “So, how are you today, Sammy?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Sammy? Samantha? How are you?”

Me: “Um…I’m good…” *walks away*

A Penny Saved Is A Penny Spurned

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Top

(I worked at a upscale grocery store. We had recently ordered new price labels for the shelves and some of them had come in with the wrong price. We had turned these tags backwards on the shelves so that they could not be seen by the customers to prevent confusion.)

Customer: “Excuse me, son.

Me: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “The milk is marked a different price than this tag says.”

Me: “I am sorry about that ma’am, those are new tags and some of them have old prices on them. If you give it to me I’ll take care of it.”

(Customer hands me the tag, I place it on the mount backwards so it cannot be read without removing it.)

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “We have been placing all the incorrect tags backwards on the shelves so that when the manager does his walk around he can know which ones he needs to re-order.”

Customer: “Well it was like that before. That’s why I turned it around.”

Me: “Ahh… I’m sorry for the confusion. These tags are backwards because they are incorrect. The price marked on the items is the correct one.”

Customer: “But I want the price on the tag, it’s less.”

Me: “Ma’am there is only one cent difference.”

Customer: “Yes, and I want it for the cheaper price.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am I am only a clerk, I can’t change the price for you. If you would like, I can get the manager.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You have to give me the cheaper price. I can’t afford to be nickel and dimed by you thieves.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I told you, I will get the manager and he can give you the discount.”

Customer: “Good, cause I can’t afford to pay the higher price.”

(Manager has hear the commotion and walks up behind the customer.)

Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, is there an issue?”

Customer: “Yes, your clerk is trying to charge me more for this than the tag says it should cost.”

Manager: “Ma’am, that tag was reversed because it was incorrect. How much is the difference so I can tell the cashier when you check out?”

Customer: “The shelf says $2.12, but the bottle says $2.13.”

Manager: “You called me over here over one cent? You have $400 worth of steaks in your cart, and you call me over here because you have to pay one cent extra for your milk?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(Manager hands the customer a penny and walks off.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

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