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    Deja Vu In Aisle 3

    | Oakville, ON, Canada |

    (I work in the stock department of a small, local grocery store. Generally, I would get 1 or 2 requests to check the back for an item a shift. An elderly woman-I’d say around 75-80–approaches me. She is asking about a common type of flour we carry.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve managed to find 4 of these. Would you care to check the back room to see if you have any more?”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (I grab a single flour package from her. After 1-2 minutes of aimless searching in the backroom, I return the bag to the woman.)

    Customer: “Why, thank you! Now I have 4! Thats exactly how many I needed! God bless you!”

    (I was way too embarrassed for her to explain the situation.)

    Me: “You’re…welcome. Anything else?”

    Customer: “One more thing, dear.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Customer: “Can you check the back to see if you have any more of these?”

    Yum, Bible Ham Paste

    | Suffolk, VA, USA |

    (I use to work in a deli at a grocery story. This story takes place there.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want the extra cheap-a** ham.”

    Me: “How thin do you want that?”

    Customer: “Bible-paper thin.”

    Me: “Um…ok?”

    (It should be noted that slicing the “extra cheap-a** ham” too thin results not in ham, but in a ham-like paste)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “You call that thin? You obviously aren’t a religious man, I can see.”

    Me: “Ok…”

    (I ended up giving him about $3.00 worth of ham paste and he walked away happy, so I guess it all worked out.)

    One Last Parting Shot

    | Williston, VT, USA |

    (A man realized that he was unable to pay for his groceries a few checkouts away from mine and had to leave his cart full of items behind. As he stormed off, he let off a tirade of insults at his cashier, finally stopping as he passed my register, gaping in awe at my long hair. I’m a guy, by the way.)

    Pissed customer: “AND YOU! GET A HAIRCUT! YOU LOOK STUPID!”

    Me: “…”

    Honor Among Thieves

    | New Hampshire, USA | Top

    Me: “Your total is $87.95.”

    Customer: “I have a coupon for [X product]. It was for a dollar off.”

    Me: “Ok.” (I wait 30 seconds for her to produce it, but she stares blankly at the total on the screen.)

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to type that in? It’s for one dollar.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just need to see the coupon so I can scan it.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t HAVE it with me…it’s at home. I forgot it, but it’s for [X product] for a dollar.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t credit you for that unless you bring the coupon with you. You are welcome to bring it next time. Your total today is $87.95.”

    Customer: “So what, you don’t believe me? Why can’t you just give me a dollar off? That’s what the coupon was for.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe that you bought the product and that you have the coupon at home, but I am unable to give you the discount without actually physically having the coupon in my till drawer.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. What ever happened to the honor system! It’s rude of you not to believe me!”

    Crazy Old Lady 1, Bag Boy 0

    | Seminole, FL, USA |

    (I was a cashier at a local grocery store one summer. At 9 o clock every night, it was the bagboy’s duty to clean the store…which included vacuuming the rugs in front of the automatic doors. One night, about 8-8:30, an elderly lady comes in and sits by the doors.)

    Me: “Hello! How are you tonight, do you need any assistance?”

    Lady: “No, I’m fine, I’m just going to sit here.”

    Me: “Okay, then.”

    (She sits there until about 9 o clock until a bagboy comes out with a vacuum cleaner…he proceeds to do his job.)

    Lady: “AAAH!!! What is that? What is that horrible noise? I can’t take it! I can’t take it!” *Walks up to the bagboy* “What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it!”

    Bagboy: “I’m just vacuuming the rugs…”

    Lady: “Stop it! I can’t take this noise! Why are you doing this?!”

    Me and the other cashiers: “…”

    (She goes back to sit down and doesn’t leave until late. Our managers come out and forbid the bagboys from vacuuming while she is there. She then proceeds for a couple more times that week to come in at 8 o’clock and if some bagboy even brought out the vacuum cleaner, unaware of who she is, they get an earful about the horrible noise that afflicts her.)

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