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    Not So Sweet Toothed

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |

    (The bakery had just closed. I had clocked out, and was on my way out of the store.)

    Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

    Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

    Lady: “I’m a dentist…”

    Me: “Would you like to look at my teeth after your shift ends, for free?”

    Lady: “That’s different. My job is hard. Anyone could do your job.”

    Me: “Then you won’t mind taking that cake home and decorating it yourself.”

    Fowl Behavior

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (I work in an upscale grocery store deli. Sometimes we run out of rotisserie chickens before the next batch is done cooking. A woman comes up to the counter holding a grocery basket.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Do you have any chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we are out right now. It’s going to be about 10 to 15 minutes.”

    Customer: *throws her basket down onto the floor hard enough that it slides about 7 feet and quickly stomps out the nearest door*

    Me: “!?”

    Self Checkout Lanes: Asking For Trouble

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA |

    (At the self checkout, a customer is waving a lime over the scanner.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t my lime scanning?”

    Me: “Produce items don’t have bar codes on them, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Always Right, Even With Other Customers

    , | Leeds, UK |

    (I’m a customer putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, and I realise I’ve forgotten one item. Half way through loading my stuff onto the conveyor, I stop, and sprint across the store to pick up this item. As I get back, two little old ladies have put a separator immediately behind my groceries.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not quite finished. I forgot an item.”

    Old lady: “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve just put this here.” *points at the separator*

    Me: “But I need more space for the rest of my groceries. Can you move your stuff back, please?”

    Till Assistant: “‘Scuse me, love, he’s not finished.”

    Old lady: “I KNOW! I’VE JUST PUT THIS HERE!” *points at the separator*

    Me & the till assistant: “Huh?”

    Old lady: “Oh, nevermind! We’ll go to another till! We can’t wait for HIM and HER to finish their rubbish!”

    *old lady storms off*

    (Seriously, WTF?)

    Denial By Way Of Refund

    | West Palm Beach, FL, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, how are you? How may I help you?”

    Lady: “Yes, I’d like return this pregnancy test.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s wrong with it?”

    Lady: “It came out positive.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay?”

    Lady: “I can’t be pregnant, so this test MUST be defective. I want to return it.”

    (For anyone who doesn’t know, it is very rare for a pregnancy test to mistake a positive pregnancy. A negative, yes, positive, no.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you can’t return a pregnancy test you’ve already used.

    Lady: What do you mean I can’t return it?!? It’s wrong! I want to see your manager!”

    (So I go to the back to see my manager who is a woman, and explain about the lady. We return to the front.)

    Manager: “Hello, what may I help you with?”

    Lady: “YES! I want to return this pregnancy test! It came out positive and I just can’t be pregnant! It’s wrong and I want my money back!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t refund you on the test because it came out positive.”

    Lady: “NO! I insist I get my money back!”

    Manager, getting frustrated: “Ma’am! I’m sorry but we cannot and will not refund you your money just because it came out positive. Congratulations on your new baby!”

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