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    I Gave Birth To A Guinea Pig

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hi there ma’am, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer, with her young son: “Yeah, could I have a piece of that bologna so my son can taste it?”

    Me: “Sure, would you like to try it too?”

    Customer: “Oh no thanks. I just want to see if my son is allergic.”

    Me: “…”

    Focal Discrimination

    | Salem, NH, USA |

    (I’m working at the cigarette counter. I wear glasses–this is critical.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    (Customer is clearly not from this country and speaks in broken English with a thick accent.)

    Customer: “Glasses!” *points at my face* “Glasses!”

    Me: “You like my glasses?”

    Customer: “No glasses. No glasses!”

    Me: “You don’t like my glasses.”

    Customer: “Not you. No glasses.”

    Me: “Not me? No glasses? You want someone without glasses?”

    Customer: “Yes. No glasses!”

    (I look over at another cashier and a nearby register who heard everything and have her switch with me. Meanwhile everyone around us is cracking up laughing.)

    Not Quite Getting What “Return” Means

    | Old Bridge, NJ, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’d like to return these ice pops.”

    Me: “Ok, I just need to see your receipt.”

    (I take the box of ice pops.)

    Me: “…this is an empty box!”

    Customer: “Well, we ate them. Some of them taste good, but some of them had a weird taste, so we threw them out.”

    Me: “I can’t give you money back on something you already ate.”

    Customer: “Why are you so difficult?! I’m never shopping here again!”

    Instructions Are Your Friends

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (Referring to the payment terminal)

    Customer: “It’s not working. Whats wrong with it?”

    Me: “What does it say?”

    Customer: “It says, ‘Please slide card again’.”

    Me: “Well, then slide your card again.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (She slides her card. It works.)

    Customer: “Hey it worked!”

    Those Silly Ethnics And Their Funny Words

    | Colorado, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have burrito wrappers?”

    Me: “Do you mean tortillas?”

    Customer: “Well I guess you could call them that.”

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