Brainless Through The Looking Glass

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Top

(I’m stocking milk when I see a customer tapping the mirror that reflects back down on the groceries in the refrigerated section.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could open this case so I can get to the eggs on the other side?”

Me: “All the eggs should be in the same place.”

Customer: “No, I want the ones in the case.”

(She starts tapping the mirror above the eggs again.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a mirror.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “There are no other eggs, it’s a reflection of the same eggs.”

Customer: “But I want those eggs!”

The Clothes Make The Manager

| Stockholm, Sweden | Top

(My brother is the manager of a grocery store. Important: they’ve recently switched uniforms from red to blue.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some help?”

Brother: “Yes, is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “I’m looking for [competitors brand]. Why don’t you have it?”

Brother: “It’s because only our competitor can sell that.”

Customer: “That is bull****! I’ve been shopping here for 10 years and you’ve always had that!”

Brother: “Ma’am, we’ve only been at this location for four years and we don’t sell our competitor’s brand.”

Customer: “You are compleatly hopeless! I demand to speak to the manager!”

Brother: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

Customer: “Did you not hear me?! I want to talk to the M-A-N-A-G-E-R!”

Brother: “Fine, just a sec. I’ll go fetch him.”

(My brother walks in to the staff area, picks up an old red shirt from a box, puts it on, and walks out.)

Brother: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: *calmly* “Finally. I want to know why you don’t have [competitors brand]?”

Brother: “Because only our competitor can sell it.”

Customer: “Oh? I guess I’ll have to go to their store, then. Thanks!”

When Colloquialisms Meet Capitalism

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’ve just rung up a customer up for cigarettes.)

Customer: “I’m gonna zip-zip it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Zip-zip!”

Me: “I don’t know what that means.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “I’m going to use my zip-zip card!”

Customer’s Daughter: “Zip-zip? Gosh, Mom! It’s a credit card.”

Me: “Oooh. You can slide that right over there.” *pointing to the card machine*

Customer: “Which button do I press? It’s asking me to pick payment type.”

Me: “…credit?”

From Lucifer To Lucky

| Jamestown, NC, USA | Top

(I’ve just rung up a customer’s items at the grocery store.)

Me: “That will be $6.66, sir.”

Customer:“Wait a minute!”

(The customer proceeds to frantically search the candy displays. He comes back with a handful of various candies and a soda.)

Customer: “Okay, now ring these up, because that is bad omen!”

Me: “Your new total is…$7.77!

Tasteless And Pointless

| Norfolk, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m giving out free samples of Norfolk apple juice that we sell. There are several different flavors.)

Me: “Hello, Madam. Would you like to try some of our apple juice?”

Customer: “Oh, yes please!”

(The lady samples each one several times, making “Mmm!” sounds.)

Customer: “Well, I must admit they were very nice.”

Me: “Good! Which one was your favorite?”

Customer: “I couldn’t tell you dear, I lost my sense of taste and smell years ago.” *walks off*

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