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    The Sweet, Slightly Nutty Taste Of Surrender

    | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “Where are your walnuts?”

    Me: “It’s over with the other nuts.”

    Customer: “I didn’t see them.”

    Me: “They’re next to the cashews. Trust me, when you see them, you will laugh.”

    (Time passes, I finish filling my bin and wade through Christmas crowd to check on the customer. I find her standing right in front of the walnuts. She’s clearly found them.)

    Me: “You found them.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t see them because the sign was in the way.”

    (Note she’s referring to a large, 18 inch sign with three inch wide red letters that read WALNUTS. It was added because customers complained they couldn’t find them.)

    Me: “You couldn’t see the walnuts because of the sign that said WALNUTS?”

    Customer: *angry* “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Me: “I…can’t help you.”

    Comic Book Guy’s Alter Ego

    | Norwalk, CT, USA |

    Man: *in a terrible French accent* “Ha-ha! I am the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit!”

    Me: “That’s nice.”

    Man: “May the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit get these for free?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Man: “Why not? I am the Butterfinger Crisp Bandit! I should always get them for free!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give these to you for free. Two dollars.”

    Man: “Why the h*ll not?”

    Me: “Because I could lose my job.”

    (The man growls, and sluggishly hands over two dollars.)

    Man: “The Butterfinger Crisp Bandit should not have to pay, but he will…this time…”

    Related:
    Like Comic Book Guy, Except Much Prettier

    Time For A Tenth Circle Of H*ll

    , | Australia |

    (I was working checkout, in the express lane (15 items or less). A lady with a very full trolley comes up.)

    Lady: “Hi! Is this an express lane?”

    Me: “Yep. You might want to go through another–”

    Lady: *starts unloading stuff* “Good. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “?!”

    Not So Sweet Toothed

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |

    (The bakery had just closed. I had clocked out, and was on my way out of the store.)

    Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

    Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

    Lady: “I’m a dentist…”

    Me: “Would you like to look at my teeth after your shift ends, for free?”

    Lady: “That’s different. My job is hard. Anyone could do your job.”

    Me: “Then you won’t mind taking that cake home and decorating it yourself.”

    Fowl Behavior

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (I work in an upscale grocery store deli. Sometimes we run out of rotisserie chickens before the next batch is done cooking. A woman comes up to the counter holding a grocery basket.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Do you have any chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we are out right now. It’s going to be about 10 to 15 minutes.”

    Customer: *throws her basket down onto the floor hard enough that it slides about 7 feet and quickly stomps out the nearest door*

    Me: “!?”

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