A Dawning Realization Of One’s Dimness

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that will be $5.93 for the cigarettes.”

(The customer hands me a five dollar bill, puts the cigarettes in her pocket and starts walking off.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you didn’t give me enough money. You only gave me $5 and the total was $5.93.”

Customer: “Yeah, I gave you five.” *points at the money*

Me: “Yes, but the total is five dollars and ninety-three cents.”

Customer: *angrily* “Yeah, I gave you five dollars!”

Me: “It’s not enough. I need about a dollar more. Would you like to get something different or cheaper maybe?”

Customer: “No, I want this one!”

Me: “Well, I can’t sell these to you when you don’t have enough to pay for it.”

Customer: “Well, what am I gonna do?”

Me: “Go home and get more money?”

(Her expression suddenly brightens.)

Customer: “Oh! Yeah, okay! I’ll go do that I’ll be right back!” *gives cigarettes back and leaves cheerily*

While We’re At It, Let’s Find Your Lost Marbles Too

| Springfield, VT, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier at a grocery story and recently lost my voice. I just cashed out the following customer…)

Customer, to supervisor: “She was very rude! She didn’t speak to me once during the order!”

Supervisor: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but this cashier has lost her voice.”

Customer: *totally serious* “Oh. Are you looking for it?”

It’s Probably Not Flushable Anymore

| Dublin | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

Customer: “Hi, I need to know something very important, very quickly.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Is your toilet paper… is it flushable? Like, can I flush it down the toilet?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure if it’s toilet paper it’s flushable, yes.”

Customer: “Well *** brand says it’s flushable but your brand doesn’t say that anywhere on it.”

Me: “I think it’s assumed that toilet roll is flushable. What’s the alternative?”

Customer: “Well, okay. Since I wasn’t sure, I’ve just been letting it sit in the bowl…”

No One Ever Said It Would Be Boring…

| Peterborough, Ontario, Canada | Top

(This happened on my first day of the job.)

Me: “Welcome to [grocery store].”

Customer: “Take off your glasses.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “They’re all pink and red; I can’t see your eyes!”

Me: “That’s because they’re tinted that way for a reason. Red increases contrast, and I’m photophobic.”

Customer: “What? You’re afraid of light? D*** VAMPI–”

Me: “–NO, no, no. It just means bright light hurts my eyes.”

Customer: “All right, ring these up.”

(Looking down, I notice he has bagged peaches. A LOT of them. As it’s my first day, I have to search for the code for them, and they lack a barcode.)

Customer: “Well? They’re peaches.”

Me: “I know, let me just–”

Customer:Peaches! Come on, they’re peaches. Just ring them up.”

Me: “Sorry, just a moment.” *grabbing phone* “What’s the code for–”

Customer: “THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS!”

(He grabs one of the bags of peaches, swings it around until it TEARS open and peaches go flying everywhere, then he runs out of the store.)

Coworker: *on the phone* “Aha, so you met the peaches guy on your first day? I remember my first time meeting him…”

Me: “…”

It Only Goes Downhill From Here

| Bedford, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished bagging a man’s groceries in two paper bags.)

Me: “Have a great night!”

Customer: “Paper bags? NEVER bag my groceries in paper bags!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “If you ever do this again, I’ll kill you! I’ll blow your head off! I have guns!”

Me: “…”

(Two weeks later, the store hired him. I quit.)

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