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    From Zero To Heathen In 30 Seconds

    | Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    (On this day in the bulk food store I worked in, I was on the floor, scrubbing underneath a bin of nuts. At this point in my life, I had very long hair, and a goatee. An older lady walks by:)

    Older lady: “That’s a good Christian girl… cleaning, and saying her prayers at the same time!”

    *30 seconds later*

    Older lady: “OH! You’re not a girl!”

    Cutting The Cheese 101 Has A Nice Air To It

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (One of my friends works part-time at the deli counter in a grocery store. At one point, a rather well-to-do looking–the word he used was “snooty”–woman and her not-too-bright looking son came up to the counter.)

    Woman: “I’d like one pound of muenster cheese.”

    Friend: “Very well.”

    (He proceeds to slice the cheese on the slicer, and weighs it out; it’s .97 pounds. He attempts to hand it to her.)

    Woman: “That’s NOT a pound of cheese.”

    (Slightly perturbed, he slices another slice of cheese and places it on top of the existing pile. It is not 1.02 pounds of cheese. Again, she sighs and appears indignant.)

    Woman: “Is that including the paper?”

    (He then peels the slice in half and puts the half slice on the pile; it’s .99 pounds now. At this point, the woman leans over to her less-than-brilliant-looking son, and whispers, loud enough for my friend to hear:)

    Woman: “This is why you go to college.”

    (It should be mentioned, at this point, that my friend goes to an Ivy League school.)

    Way Too Much Information

    | Boynton Beach, FL, USA |

    (I was ringing up a old lady when another old lady in my line recognized the first lady.)

    Old Lady #1: “Oh hey! I didn’t see you there!”

    Old Lady #2: “That’s okay… I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

    Me: “What?!”

    All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (Note: I was one of the quickest and most efficient cashiers at my store, and often received positive comments about this from the customers.)

    Wife: “My, you’re just whizzing along! I can’t believe how fast you are!”

    Husband: “Didn’t you know? That’s the store’s new policy. They only hire fast women.”

    Me: *chuckles good-naturedly*

    Wife: “Don’t mind my husband. We only let him out on weekends.”

    Related:
    Behind Every Man Is An Embarrassed Wife
    Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science, Part 2

    | Boynton Beach, FL, USA |

    *lady swipes her card*

    Lady: “Which button do I press? Credit or debit?”

    Me: “Is it a debit or credit card?”

    Lady: “Credit.”

    Me: *face meet palm*

    Related:
    It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science

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