From Lucifer To Lucky

| Jamestown, NC, USA | Top

(I’ve just rung up a customer’s items at the grocery store.)

Me: “That will be $6.66, sir.”

Customer:“Wait a minute!”

(The customer proceeds to frantically search the candy displays. He comes back with a handful of various candies and a soda.)

Customer: “Okay, now ring these up, because that is bad omen!”

Me: “Your new total is…$7.77!

Tasteless And Pointless

| Norfolk, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m giving out free samples of Norfolk apple juice that we sell. There are several different flavors.)

Me: “Hello, Madam. Would you like to try some of our apple juice?”

Customer: “Oh, yes please!”

(The lady samples each one several times, making “Mmm!” sounds.)

Customer: “Well, I must admit they were very nice.”

Me: “Good! Which one was your favorite?”

Customer: “I couldn’t tell you dear, I lost my sense of taste and smell years ago.” *walks off*

The Hole In His Logic

| London, UK | Top

Customer: “I’m looking for your nuts.”

Me: “Those are on aisle four sir.”

Customer: “I’ve already looked and I can’t find them. I’m looking for my favorites.”

Me: “All the types of nut we have in stock are in aisle four, if you can’t find them then we don’t stock them. Do you want me to have a look for you?”

Customer: “No no, I’ll go look again.”

(Five minutes later, he returns.)

Customer: “I still can’t find my favorite nuts!”

Me: “Then I am afraid we must not stock them.”

Customer: “But my wife gets them for me from here every week!”

Me: “What type of nuts does she buy you?”

Customer: “Donuts…”

In Search Of Mrs. Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how are you doing tonight?”

(The customer says nothing for a few moments while blatantly staring at me.)

Customer: “…you have two air holes.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You only have two air holes!”

Me: “Well, yes. Two NOSTRILS, you mean.”

Customer: *continues to stare intently at me*

Me: “…”

Customer: “You should have three. I have been looking all my life for someone with three nostrils, but I still haven’t found her!”

Me: “Oh…really.”

Customer: “Yeah! I’ve traveled the world, but no luck.”

Me: *accepts his money and bags the item* “Well, you have fun with that!”

Have Barcode, Will Scan

| Toronto, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am helping my friend out at the grocery store she works at, with the manager’s permission. She’s stuck a barcode from an orange on my t-shirt, and it’s refusing to come off.)

Customer: *places three individual grapes on the conveyor belt*

Employee friend: “Sir, where are your groceries?”

Customer: “These are my groceries.”

Me: “Sir, you’ve only got three grapes.”

Customer: “Yes, those are my groceries.”

Employee friend: “Will that be all, sir?”

Customer: “No, how much is she?” *points to me*

Me: “Come again?”

Employee friend: “Sir, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: “Your friend, the one not wearing the uniform. How much does she cost?”

Me: “Sir, I’m not for sale.”

Customer: “Well, do you work here?”

Me: “Well, no, not technically.”

Customer: “Are you shopping here?”

Me: “Um, no. But–”

Customer: “Well, then, why are you here?”

Me: “I’m helping my friends out.”

Customer: “But you have a barcode sticker on you.”

Me: “Well, yes, sir. That was a joke.”

Customer: “Well, that’s false advertisement.”

Employee friend: “I’m pretty sure that isn’t-”

Customer: “I’m going to need to speak with your manager!”

Page 104/125First...102103104105106...Last