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    Low Expectations, Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Hudson, NH, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, can you ring this stuff up and tell me how much it is?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah. That’s kind of what I do.”

    Customer: “Okay, but can you put it in bags too? I need to bring it home.”

    Me: “… I can do that too.”

    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 4

    | Princeton, NJ, USA |

    (As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)

    Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”

    Me: “What baby?”

    Customer: “Are you expecting?”

    Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”

    Me: “Um… what?”

    Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”

    Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”

    Related:
    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 3
    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 2
    Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

    Thank God They Took Away His Whip

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last minute shopping!”

    Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?”

    Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!”

    Not Always Right On So Many Levels

    | Ocala, FL, USA |

    (A disabled customer on crutches starts screaming racist epithets at her cashier.)

    Disabled customer: “You g**d*** n*****! You b****! How could you do that to me?! This is discrimination!”

    Cashier: *totally shocked*

    (I walk over right away. Keep in mind, I’m white.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry you’re upset, but could you please watch your language? There are children here. Now, I’d be ha–”

    Disabled customer: “Y’all hate people with disabilities! F*** the children! And f*** you, you n*****! I’m calling corporate!”

    Me: “If that’s what you want to do, ma’am, I can’t stop you.”

    Disabled customer: “D*** right you can’t, you black b****!”

    (She suddenly throws down her “crutches” and very easily walks out of the store.)

    Another customer, to me: “Wait, did she just call you black?”

    (She did end up calling corporate office, but it was dismissed because she kept calling the operator a sand monkey and saying that she was going to burn in h*** for stealing white people’s jobs.)

    (To do this day, whenever we get bored we play with her crutches in the back stock room.)

    Life’s Great Mysteries, Volume 1

    | Oklahoma, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?”

    Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ”

    Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!”

    (She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.)

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