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  • Gallons Of Stupidity

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a well known grocery store, mainly working to direct searching customers to their desired products. I am walking down the dairy aisle. I spot two teenagers waiting for a time. The first customer is holding cartons of milk in his hands, and the second customer is holding out a smart phone.)

    Me: “Do you two need any help right now?”

    Customer #1: “Actually… um, yeah…”

    (Customer #1 suddenly nods to Customer #2, who raises his smartphone. I can hear the sound from his that signals the record button being pressed. At this point, I’m starting to catch on that this is a gallon smashing prank.)

    Customer #1: “Woah, woah, woah!”

    (He badly acts that he’s accidentally falling, and tosses the containers of milk into the sky, and he falls flat on his back. The cartons hit the floor, but don’t shatter or release milk.)

    Customer #2: “Crap!”

    Customer #1: “We need to redo that!”

    (I’m just standing in amazement about how bad these two are at pranking someone.)

    Me: “Sir, if you keep intentionally keep damaging our products, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer #1: “It was an accident! I just slipped!”

    Me: “What about your friend over there recording?”

    Customer #2: “I’m just… taking a selfie!”

    (I start rolling my eyes, and go to pick up the cartons of milk. Out of nowhere, Customer #1 grabs the cartons of milk off the floor and tosses them up again. Again, nothing happens as they hit the floor.)

    Customer #2: “S***! We need another take!”

    Customer #1: “C’mon, just let us have one more try?”

    Me: “No. Get out of this store now, or I’ll call security for multiple attempts of destruction of property.”

    (The two teenagers quickly scurry out of the store, Customer #1 even tripping once during the way out.)

    Coworker: “Did those two try to do a gallon prank with cartons?”

    Me: “The world may never know.”

    Comic: The Only Thing She Skipped Was Kwanzaa

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Comics, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Religion

    Suffering From A Vowel Movement

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (The grocery store I work in has a week every summer in which we put Hawaiian-esque foods on sale, such as tuna, pineapples, spam, pork, coconuts, etc. Neighborhood luaus are very popular in our area during the summer. We have signs proclaiming this all over the store.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to your manager right away!”

    Me: “I’m the manager. What can I help you with, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I’m an English teacher, and I’m appalled by your signs!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Whoever made then doesn’t know how to spell! Don’t you people know that you can’t put four consonants in a row?”

    Me: “You mean vowels? And that is how you spell ‘Hawaiian,’ ma’am.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “God, all of you are such f****** idiots! I’m looking it up on my phone right now!”

    (She did just that, and my coworkers and I watched as she suddenly paled, ditched her cart, and left the store. We haven’t seen her back since, even though she was a regular.)

    Smooth Out The Allergy Situation

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

    (She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

    (She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

    Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

    (She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

    Serving By The Seat Of His Pants

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I have a regular customer who comes into the customer service desk where I work. He always needs help with the ATM. He’s a strange little fellow, always smells of beer and slurs his words. I am working on some paperwork when he comes in.)

    Customer: “He-hey, hey, you’re the lady who helped me earlier right?”

    Me: “Yes, is something wrong?”

    (I had helped him with the ATM then did an exchange. He had gotten the wrong ice cream.)

    Customer: “No, I was just wondering if you’d do me a favor?”

    Me: “What do you need? I’ll try my best to help.”

    Customer: “If I give you $40 will you take these pants back to the store for me and get me a smaller size?”

    Me: “Uhm, no. I don’t get off work until seven so I don’t think I’ll be able to get there.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s okay. They don’t close until nine; you have plenty of time.”

    Me: “I’m still going to say no. Sorry.”

    Customer: “You’re saying no.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s a no.”

    (He walked away without saying anything. My coworker and I just looked at each other like we both imagined it.)

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