One of my most frustrating clients owns a security company. I was designing ID badges for him, and we were having a back-and-forth on the final touches.

Client: “It looks great, but can we increase the green in the eagle logo by 3%?”

Me: “But the eagle is gray. All of this is in grayscale.”

Client: “So? Just increase the amount of green.”

Not sure how to respond, I sent the same version under a different name.

Client: “See what I mean? Much better! Print ‘em!”

Me: “Here is a proof of that ten-inch-by-ten-inch sticker.”

Client: “Is that ten inches wide, ten inches high, and/or ten inches deep?”

Me: “For a sticker?”

Client: “Yeah.”

Me: “Width by height.”

Client: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive.”

Early in my career as a graphic designer, I was hired by a museum to do a poster for their upcoming exhibition. I came up with two versions. One had a black background with a white headline, and the other one was the inverse: a white background with the type in black.

Client: “I like how the white text stands out from the dark background in this version, but the white background in the other version is so much friendlier. Couldn’t you combine that background with that text?”

The moment those words had left his mouth, he seemed to realize that white type on a white background wouldn’t be an ideal solution.

We were working for a big soda brand that was opening a branded beach party place. Part of the project involved making an illustrated map of the area. The client was happy with it, except for one detail.

Client: “Can you change the color of the water from blue? It’s the color of Pepsi.”

Me: “What colour would you prefer?”

Client: “How about green?”

Me: “We used that for the land.”

Client: “Makes sense. Red?”

Me: “Red water?”

Client: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well… okay, but that’s also a colour associated with Coca-Cola.”

Client: “D***. What colour do most people associate with water?”

Me: “Uh… blue, usually.”

I was working on a tri-fold brochure to showcase the benefits of partnering with the client. They asked for it to be exactly like a previous one I had made, but with different text and bullet points. Following that template, one of the folds included a large quote from an actual business partner of theirs. The quote was a glowing review, talking about how the company was a joy to work with and truly cared for its customers — a worry-free experience.

The CEO had this to say about it.

Client: “This quote sucks. This isn’t what people say. They wouldn’t really say this. They don’t care about this. You need a quote that shows that they’re going to be making a lot of money with us. That’s all they care about!”

Me: “Well… This is a real quote from [Partner]. And it does paint you in a very positive light.”

Client: “No, it sucks. Why would you even put this? Make one up that’s better. Write me something better.”

Me: “…I am extremely uncomfortable with fabricating quotes on official promotional material. That is false advertising, and I won’t do it.”

Client: “Yeah, whatever. I’ll make him give us a better quote.”

He said the last line while glaring daggers and sounding vaguely threatening. The rest of that meeting was an absolute mess, as well, wherein I realized he’d had a bad day and decided to take it out on whoever would get into a room with him, but that’s another story.

That was also the day I decided to find other work.