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    A Heady Proposition, Part 2

    | Hialeah, FL, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a photo of her daughter. She wants to include it in a business card.)

    Customer: “So you guys are able to take this picture, put it on to the computer, and then fix it up nicely?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

    (I’m given the picture, and I notice her daughter is facing completely to the right. Not a big deal, so I go ahead and scan the picture. It appears on screen.)

    Customer: “Okay. I need you to turn her face towards us.”

    Me: “Uh…that’s not possible.”

    Customer: “But you said you would fix it up nicely.”

    Me: “I can clean the picture up and make your daughter look nice. However, you can’t scan a picture and then turn it around like it was in 3D.”

    Customer: “But computers are the reason 3D exists. Now turn my daughter’s head!”

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    A Heady Proposition

    Because Insurance Is Such A Scream (Comic)

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Old Comics


    Original Story | Comic by EvilNessie

    Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

    Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

    Client: “Well no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

    Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

    Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

    Me: “To what?”

    Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance's] Funeral’. And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”

    Magic Ink

    | France |

    (A client comes for her journalist portfolio. She shows me a picture of an architect in front of his building model, showing his back to the camera.)

    Customer: “So, you see, I’d like you to flip this picture.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s very simple.”

    Customer: “Great ! This will be awesome. I want him to face the camera.”

    Me: “If I flip the picture, it will be all the same, but the guy will be on the left instead of the right, that’s it.”

    Customer: “You can’t make him face us? You call yourself a professional?”

    The Last Days Of Rasputin

    , | Columbus, Ohio |

    (I’m a graphic designer for a small sign shop. When the customer service rep leaves for lunch I’m stuck running the front desk for an hour. Since I mostly work in the back, I’m only trained on how to take orders and payments. On this fateful day the CSR was out sick and the owner had to step out for about ten minutes to run an errand. A man with a thick Russian accent steps into the shop.)

    Customer: “I need these now.” *throws a book of zodiac signs down on the counter*

    Me: “Okay… what is it you need?”

    Customer: “These! These! I talk with your father earlier about this and I need now!”

    Me: “Um… my dad doesn’t work here. Do you mean my boss?”

    Customer: “Whatever. He said you have done today.”

    Me:“Well sir, we are pretty busy right now and we don’t usually guarantee a sign in the same day. I could have it to you tomorrow at the earliest.”

    Customer: “I need this, this and this. Now. He said he get them now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what you spoke to him about, but he will be back in a few minutes and you can speak with him personally about it.”

    Customer: “I need now! He said he get them now! You go make them now!”

    Me: “Tell me what you want and I will do my best to make them for you.”

    Customer: “He knows. He’ll tell you. Go make them.”

    Me: “I told you he is not here right now. If you want to leave the book here, I will talk to him about it and get the order together for you.”

    Customer: “DO YOU HAVE LIFE?!”

    Me: “Did you just ask if I have a life?”

    Customer: “LIFE! LIFE! DO YOU HAVE IT?!”

    Me: “Um… yeah. I have a life. It’s in the back of the shop. Please leave.”

    Customer: *shouts something in Russian and storms out the door*

    Coworker: “What the h*** was that all about?”

    Me: “I really don’t know!”

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