November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Day The Earth Stood Tilled

| Canada | Bizarre

Me: “Department of Agriculture, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I believe the department of agriculture is part of some sort of council. Is that right?”

Me: “I suppose we are, with the other departments of the government.”

Customer: “There are people in the council working against alien species, correct?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by alien species.”

Customer: “I mean alien species in plants.”

Me: “Oh, like weeds?”

Customer: “Well, you could call them ‘weeds’ if that makes you feel better.”

Me: “Uhm… well, I can transfer you to our weed specialist. He’ll be able to answer all your questions.”

Customer: “‘Weed’ specialist… yes, that’ll do. By the way, how long has your number been ###-2666?”

Me: “It’s always been this number, sir.”

Customer: “Do you know what triple-6 means?”

Me: “I’m assuming you’re speaking of the Devil?”

Customer: “That is correct.”

Me: “Well, I’m in no position to transfer you to the Devil, but I can transfer you to our weed specialist.”

Customer: “The alien specialist, yes.”

Me: “Uhm… okay. Have a good day, sir!”

A-moooo-sing Customers, Part 2

| France | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(We’re located in a small village in a rural area, but each year, we have plenty of foreign tourists. I’m the only person fluent in english at the office. One day, a family of tourists (a father, a mother and their teenage son and daughter) walk in.)

Father: *in French* “Hello, sir. Can you help me to find how to go to a few places? I can’t find them on my map.”

Me: *in French* “Sure, let me show you. May I see your map?”

(As I show the father directions on his map, I see the kids giggling and chatting in English in the back. They’re making fun of my coworker.)

Daughter: *in English* “God, this guy looks so stupid!”

Son: *in English* “Totally! Look at his eyes! It totally looks like a cow’s eyes!”

Daughter: *in English* “And look at his hair! Soooo dorky!”

(The father says nothing, despite clearly hearing them.)

Father: *in French* “Alright, I think I got it. Thank you for your time.”

Me: “Mooooooooooooooo!”

Father: *in French* “What are you doing?!”

Me: *grinning, in English* “That’s the cow word for ‘Have a nice day.'”

(The parents and their two children stay stunned for a second. Then, both parents start to laugh and the kids turn cherry red.)

Mother: *laughing, in English* “Weren’t expecting that now, you two?”

(Embarrassed, the kids try to leave, but the parents grab them both by their shoulders.)

Son: *in English* “Let me go, Dad!”

Father: *still laughing, in English* “We’re not leaving until both of you apologize to this man!”

(The parents refused to move or let them go until I received an apology from both kids. The whole family left, the parents still joking and the kids almost running away.)

A-moooo-sing Customers

Thank You Sir Cussalot

| Nottingham, UK | Bizarre

Me: “Hello, you’re through to the benefits department. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: *calmly* “Hi, yeah, I called up a minute ago, but I didn’t have my account details with me.”

Me: “Okay, well if I could just take your details then please, sir, I’ll pull up your records.”

Caller: “Sir?! How dare you f***ing call me sir?! I’ve never been so f***ing insulted in my life! Who on earth do you think you are, you f***ing b****?!”

Obama Can’t Fix Stupid

| Yonkers, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A couple is arguing with me; I’m a cashier at the city clerk’s office.)

Man: “Why was my marriage license denied?”

Me: *looking over the application* “Sir, you had 60 days after the license was issued for you to get married. The license is only valid for 60 days. It’s been over 3 months.”

Woman: “But we got married here when we filled out the license.”

Me: “You didn’t have the clerk or a magistrate officiate a ceremony or fill out the rest of the form, so you were not married. If you want to get another valid license and have someone marry you here, I can get you another form.”

Man: “Fine…”

(I go to get blank application and shows the couple where to put what information, where to sign, etc.)

Me: “and we’ll need a check for $40.”

Man: “But we already paid that! I’m not paying that again!”

Me: “Sorry, but it says on the top of the application that the $40 fee is non-refundable, even if you miss the 60 day window. If you want another license you need to pay the fee again.”

Woman: “This is stupid! We already got married here!”

Me: “No, ma’am, yo–”


(The couple storms out. As they leave, I hear the man grumbling.)

Man: “F**kin’ government. I thought that Obama was gonna fix this s**t!”

A Complete Debarkle

| Brisbane, Australia | Uncategorized

(I work in the call center for parks & gardens.)

Me: “Parks & Gardens, may I help you?”

Resident: “I want a new street tree, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Is there a problem with your current street tree?”

Resident: “Yes. It doesn’t attract the native birds. I want a street tree that attracts native birds.”

Me: “Okay. We don’t normally replace street trees just because they don’t attract birds. Other forms of wildlife use the street trees too. Is there anything actually wrong with the tree?”

Resident: “Yes. It keeps on growing.”