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    Crazy Golf

    | WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (To pay for university costs, I work for a small, government run golf course as a cashier. A customer in his forties enters the store.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Golf Course]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’d like to play nine holes on the course with buggy hire. Thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Your total comes to $30. Will you be paying in cash or by card?”

    Customer: “Actually, I was hoping I could give you this instead?”

    (The customer slides a bottle of unmarked, white liquid across the table and looks at me grinning.)

    Me: “Uh… sir. I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “Oh, I make my own perfume in my bathtub! How about this bottle for my course fees?”

    Me: “Sir, I must insist that you pay with currency. Perfume is not legal tender and I not be able to balance my till otherwise.”

    (The customer takes the bottle back hastily, looking as if I’d just insulted his mother.)

    Customer: “You don’t want my perfume? What kind of golf course is this!?”

    A**-hole In One

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a golf course that is situated in a residential area. I am talking to a friend of mine who owns a home on the course when a ball lands in his backyard.)

    Golfer: “Move!” *hops the fence*

    My Friend: “Hey! This is private property; get out of here!”

    Golfer: “No it isn’t; I paid good money to play on this course and I am going to play through.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, it is private property.”

    Golfer: *not listening* “Why the h*** do you put such stupid obstacles in the way? What kind of course has fences so close to the green?”

    My Friend: “It isn’t an obstacle! It’s my fence, and you are in my backyard. Now beat it before I call the police.”

    Golfer: “Shut the f*** up; you’re throwing me off my game.” *turns to me* “Shouldn’t you escort him off the course? He isn’t showing any etiquette.”

    (At this point my friend gets irritated and has gone into his house.)

    Me: “He doesn’t have to show any etiquette; he owns the property. You are the one I will be escor—”

    Golfer: “No he doesn’t! The course owns all of this; how stupid are you?”

    (My friend comes back with a bucket of golf balls, and dumps them where the golfer’s ball has landed.)

    Golfer: “What the f*** are you doing! I’ll never find my ball!”

    My Friend: “Good.”

    Golfer: “I paid good money for that ball, and you’re stealing it! I am calling the police!”

    Me: “It landed in someone’s yard. It is clearly stated in the rule book that a residential area is out of bounds, so he can do whatever he wants with it.”

    Golfer: “Shut up! What do you know? You’re just some kid!”

    Me: “Sir, please come with me. You are not welcome here anymore.”

    Golfer: “No! I can do what I want! I paid good money to—”

    My Friend: “I spend all day cleaning up after a**-holes like you that think they can do whatever they want. They rammed their carts into my fence thinking it was a personal cart stopper, and I had to finally shell out $1,500 to buy a new one because it eventually fell down completely.”

    Golfer: “I didn’t—”

    My Friend: “People like you have stolen my stuff, left their trash in my yard, even though there is a bin right there next to the tee-box. They have killed my dog, and one of you pricks had the audacity to walk into my house and use my bathroom without even so much as asking.”

    Golfer: *stuttering* “But the course owns it; I’m allowed to—”

    My Friend: “No you’re not. My property line extends another twenty feet past the fence line; you are trespassing. I own this house, this yard, and everything in them.”

    (My friend picks him up, and tosses him over the fence.)

    Golfer: “That’s assault! I am calling the police on you! I paid good money!”

    My Friend: “I don’t give a d*** how much you paid; this is private property and according to the state penal code, I can remove you just like I did.”

    Golfer: “I’ll sue! I paid good money!”

    My Friend: “Go ahead; I’ll be your lawyer.”

    (One of the owners shows up and escorts the golfer off the golf course. He is banned from playing there again. My friend now plays free for his trouble.)

    These Minutes Are Minutiae

    | Ontario, Canada | Time

    (I work in the pro shop at a golf course, and people often call to make tee times. Note that our tee times are spaced 8 minutes apart.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [golf course]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to make a tee time for 2:30, please.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ve got 2:32. Can I have your last name, please?”

    Customer: “2:32?! That’s WAY too late! Do you have anything earlier?”

    Me: “Sure, I have 2:24.”

    Customer: “2:24?! That’s MUCH too early. You guys need to have better times!”

    Should’ve Ripped You A New One

    , | Birmingham, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a really nice Country Club on the golf course side of things. Since it is a nice club, it isn’t unusual to get fairly large tips every once in a while.)

    Me: “Hey mister, could you break a hundred for me so we split tips tonight?”

    Member: *clearly inebriated* “Sure, man, I can totally break that hundred for you!”

    (I hand him the hundred dollar bill which he then proceeds to rip in half and then hand back to me.)

    Member: “There! I broke it for you.” *walks off laughing with his friends*

    Other Member: “Man, what an a**hole. Here’s another hundred for the ripped one. I appreciate y’all.”

    (I took the ripped hundred to the bank and they replaced it. I tried to give the other hundred back, but the member refused and said we earned it!)

    Stupidity Can Go Either Way (Comic)

    | Florida, USA | Old Comics


    Original Story | Comic by EvilNessie


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