(We stock painted mediaeval knight figurines. However, they have removable weapons and are painted with lead paint, so they’re all kept on a high shelf out of the reach of children. Just to be safe, there are signs next to the figures stating that they are not safe for children. One day, I see a small boy gnawing on a William Wallace figure’s head, so I rush over and snatch it off him.)

Mother: “How dare you! That was very rude!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It’s just that this is not a toy, and is painted with lead paint. It’s not safe for him to be playing with, and definitely not safe to chew.”

Mother: “What?! It shouldn’t have been within his reach! What kind of death-trap store is this?!”

Me: “I’m so, so sorry, ma’am. Another customer must have moved it. I ought to have spotted it sooner. ”

(I’m feeling guilty, until the kid pipes up.)

Kid: “Mommy, I was quiet! You said I could have it if I was quiet!”

Me: “Ma’am, you didn’t give this to your child, did you?”

Mother: “How was I supposed to know it was dangerous?”

Me: “Ma’am, there are distinct signs all around the figurines.” *I point to the four signs posted around the figures* “Also, they’re kept well out of the reach of children for exactly that reason.”

Mother: “I don’t have time to read f***ing signs! They shouldn’t have been in my reach either!”

Me: “I agree completely, ma’am.”