Customer: “THIS STORE IS RACIST! YOU ARE RACIST!”

Me: *confused* “Um… why?”

Customer: “Your Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf! I demand to speak to your manager!

Me: “Okay, go ahead. I’m the manager on duty.”

Customer: “This is an insult to me that your Native American puzzles are on the lower shelf. This is racism!”

Me: “So, I’m a racist because the Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf…”

(I look at the shelf and notice some animal puzzles on the very bottom shelf.)

Me: “Well, I hope PETA doesn’t find these puppy puzzles down here then.”

Customer: *storms off*

(I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me.)

1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts and keep me company?”

3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream ‘I want to be alone’?!”

5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

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(We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

Old lady 1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

Old lady 2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”

(Note: the shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket.)

*lady walks into store with shopping cart*

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”

Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”

Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”

Old man in a Japanese Gift Shop: “Do you carry thongs here?”

Me: “Uh… WHAT?”

Old man: “You know… flippity flops… sandals!”