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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Social (Network) Security

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “Your total is [total].”

    Customer: *hands me a credit card*

    Me: “Thanks, I just need to see a photo ID with this.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Well, do you have a school, work, or military ID? Pretty much any way to match your name and face will work.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have…wait!”

    (The customer digs in her purse and pulls out a phone.)

    Customer: “I have a Facebook, will that work?”

    (The customer pulls up her account and shows it to the clerk.)

    Me: “Well I guess for today, but next time we’ll need a physical ID.”

    (The customer finishes paying and the next customer steps up.)

    Customer 2: “Now just to let you know I don’t have my ID either, but I do have a MySpace.”

    For Everything Else, There’s TasterCard

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    Me: “That’s ¬£26.50, please.”

    Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

    Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

    Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

    Me: “Err, no?”

    (Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygenic.”

    Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

    Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

    Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

    Customer: “Bah!”

    On The Politically Proper Placement of Puzzles

    , | Mesa, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “THIS STORE IS RACIST! YOU ARE RACIST!”

    Me: *confused* “Um… why?”

    Customer: “Your Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf! I demand to speak to your manager!

    Me: “Okay, go ahead. I’m the manager on duty.”

    Customer: “This is an insult to me that your Native American puzzles are on the lower shelf. This is racism!”

    Me: “So, I’m a racist because the Native American puzzles are on the bottom shelf…”

    (I look at the shelf and notice some animal puzzles on the very bottom shelf.)

    Me: “Well, I hope PETA doesn’t find these puppy puzzles down here then.”

    Customer: *storms off*

    Grab Bag: MMA-SF

    , | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me.)

    1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

    2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts and keep me company?”

    3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

    4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream ‘I want to be alone’?!”

    5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

    Related:
    911 Grab Bag: Define “Emergency”

    Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion

    , | West Branch, MI, USA |

    (We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

    Old lady 1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

    Old lady 2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”


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