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  • Trying To Encourage Independent Thought

    | Paradise Island, The Bahamas | Holidays, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m decorating our storefront for Independence Day, which is July 10th. In 1973 we gained independence from Britain, though we are still part of the British Commonwealth. The glass doors are decorated with American colours for July 4th and the whole front of the store is decorated with Bahamian colours for July 10th. An American tourist walks up with her husband.)

    Tourist: “Miss! You’ve got the date wrong, and why are you using those colours?”

    Me: “Oh, yes, ma’am. Bahamian Independence Day is the 10th. These are the colours of the Bahamian flag. I’ve decorated the front door with red, white, and blue for Americans like yourself!”

    Tourist: *looks puzzled for a moment* “But Independence Day is on the 4th…”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, in the US it is, but here it’s the 10th.”

    Tourist: “But it’s July…”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. A strange coincidence that they are both in July, isn’t it?”

    Tourist: *finally looking resolved* “No! This isn’t right; you should have the right date and colours like every other state, even if you’re on an island!”

    Me: “But we aren’t a state… We aren’t even part of your countr—”

    Tourist: “State, member, province, whatever, that is no excuse to act un-American! Darn islanders…” *she walks off as her husband glares at me over his shoulder*

    Mommy Money

    | NC, USA | Family & Kids, Money

    (A family comes into the gift shop where I work. A small boy starts tugging on his father’s sleeve.)

    Boy: “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

    Dad: “I’m not buying you anything.”

    (The boy pauses, and then rushes over to his mother.)

    Boy: “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

    All That Glitters Is Not Gold

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are these earrings?”

    Me: “Those are an amethyst stone set in rose gold.”

    Customer: “Rose gold? What is that, some cheap, fake gold? Gold is expensive!”

    Me: “No, no, it is gold. Gold comes in different hues – like white gold, classic yellow gold, and rose gold.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s too cheap to be pure gold.”

    Me: “Well, gold has to be set as an alloy. It is too soft to be in pure elemental form, so they use another metal to keep it solid.”

    Customer: “What other metal is it? That’s too expensive if it’s not gold.”

    Me: “It’s set over sterling silver.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, never mind then…”

    Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 3

    , | Grand Canyon, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (It’s almost dusk at the gift shop I am running at the southern rim of the Grand Canyon. A tourist couple approaches.)

    Woman: “Where is the best spot to watch the Canyon at night?”

    Me: “Well, anywhere along the walkway is good, but the sun’s going down very soon.”

    Man: “Yes, we want to be here when they turn on the lights.”

    Me: “…lights?”

    Woman: “Yes, so we can see it at night.”

    Me: “Umm, the Canyon is over a mile deep at this point, and the northern rim is over a mile across from here. There aren’t any lights in it for nighttime.”

    Man: “Then how do you see it at night?”

    Me: “…basically it’s the big blackness out there.”

    Related:
    Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 2
    Having A Light Bulb Moment

    Has No Train Of Thought

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work near a property of the Royal Family’s, which is open to the public unless a member of the Royal Family is in residence. Today, this happens to be the case, due to a homecoming procession for a returning regiment. Most tourists hoping to visit have been quite accepting of this, but one American tourist is not.)

    Tourist: “Why can’t I get into the castle?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the Palace is closed to the public today because Princess Anne is in residence for the homecoming procession. It’ll be open tomorrow.”

    Tourist: “I’m not here tomorrow! I’m only here today! Why didn’t they hold it tomorrow, so I could go today?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in fairness they can’t have been aware of your travel plans.”

    Tourist: “Bull-s***! I booked all of my train and plane tickets online!”

    Me: “Good for you, sir, but I don’t understand.”

    Tourist: “On the internet! They should have checked whether or not people are only going to be here for one day! It’s on the internet, so they can check, obviously! Are you an idiot? Stupid little girls that don’t even speak real English!”

    (A soldier walking past the shop looks in, and hears the tourist ranting.)

    Soldier: “Sir, do you have a problem with the British military or royalty?”

    (The soldier is wearing a large knife on his belt, and carrying a rifle. The angry tourist quickly leaves.)

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