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    Finally Sees Cents

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The price of the fuel has gone up, from $0.537 cents per litre, to $0.539 cents per litre. We always change the outside signs BEFORE we change the price on the pump. A customer pulls up just as the price is changing. She fills her car with fuel and pays. She turns to leave, then looks at her receipt. She returns to the counter.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me, but you have ripped me off. You have charged me the wrong price.”

    Me: I’m sorry? Let me take a look at the receipt.

    (I look at the receipt, and it clearly shows the price as being $0.539 cents per litre. She had purchased 25 litres.)

    Customer: “See, it’s the wrong price. You are rip-off merchants. You have stolen my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the price is correct, I’m unsure as to what you are referring.”

    Customer: “When I drove in, the pump said 53.7 and then you charge me 53.9 cents a litre! That’s extortion!”

    Me: “Well, actually the signs outside clearly indicate the price, and the pumps had just changed as you pulled up.”

    Customer: “So you admit it! You have ripped me off! I want to see the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am. For the inconvenience, I shall refund you the difference.”

    (I hand her the five cents.)

    Customer: “Seriously? I’m not stupid you know! It’s a lot more than just five cents!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you purchased 25 litres yes?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “The price went from 53.7 CENTS a litre to 53.9 CENTS a litre?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “So 25 multiplied by .2 of a cent equates to 5 cents.”

    (Red faced and obviously extremely mortified, the customer raced out of the store without so much as a ‘sorry!’)

    Kill Bill

    | Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

    Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

    (My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

    Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

    Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

    Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

    (The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

    (The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

    Best Just To Enable Them

    | Newark, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

    Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

    Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

    Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    (She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

    Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

    Screening Out The Stupids

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

    Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

    Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible*

    Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

    Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

    Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

    Customer: “HELLO?”

    (The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

    Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.’”

    He Is Irony Man

    | Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

    Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

    Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

    Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

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