• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Has A Load Of Explaining To Do

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping an older couple buy lottery tickets. They have a ten dollar bill, and their total is at nine dollars.)

    Wife: “Why not get one more 1$ dollar ticket. I’ll blow my load!”

    (I am thinking: do not laugh at that! You are an adult. That was an innocent statement meaning she’ll spend all her money. Maintain composure! Unfortunately she says it again, and the husband and I make eye contact and die laughing.)

    Husband: *mutters* “It means something different these days; I’ll explain on the way home.”

    (I can only imagine what that conversation was like!)

    A Hot Slice Of Justice

    , | Grimes, IA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We’re getting pretty close to closing time. We’ve barely had any orders today. I’m working the kitchen with two others. Everything’s been cleaned and there’s nothing to do until another order comes in, when suddenly a customer comes storming into the store, shouting things exceptionally hard to understand, and possibly drunk.)

    Me: “Oh, lord, here we go…”

    Customer: “Where’s the kitchen guy! I WANT TO SEE THE KI—”

    Me: “Right here. You can stop yelling now. I can hear you.”

    Customer: *does actually stop yelling, probably because he had to look up to me* “Where the f*** is my pizza? I ordered a pizza over an hour ago. Now, where is it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We haven’t—”


    Me: “Well, the manager is asleep. If you want, I can go back there and see if we have your order.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you do that. I want my free f****** pizza!”

    (He gives his name and address. I go to where we keep the order slips.)

    Me: “Sir, there’s no slip under either of those.”


    Coworker: “Hey, why don’t you call again?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Coworker: “If you did call this store, and we took your order, it was never filled. Go ahead and call the number again. If the phone rings, we’ll give you a free pizza.”

    (He whipped out his phone, mashing the buttons until he got to the recent calls, and called the store. Our phone didn’t ring, but somebody on the other end picked up. He had placed an order at the store on the other side of town. The customer shoved his phone in his pocket and stormed out of the store without a word.)

    In A Happy Holi-daze, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Happy Holidays!”

    Customer: “It’s Merry Christmas you heathen!”

    Me: “Really? I had no idea they cancelled Hanukkah, Ashura, Ramadan, and Yule this year!”

    Dude Needs Some Sleep

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working on register at about eight am when a middle-aged woman walks in. She is quite intoxicated.)

    Customer: “I slept in the woods last night.”

    Me: “Okay? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had to put this flower in my hair because they said I looked like a dude. I’m not a dude. Do you think I look like a dude?”

    Me: “No… What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I need cigarettes. But they made me sleep outside in the woods. I don’t know where. But they kept calling me a dude!”

    (I ring up her cigarettes hoping she leaves soon.)

    Customer: “It’s like that song. Dude looks like a lady. Except the opposite. Lady looks like a dude. I’M NOT A DUDE!”

    His Car Needs Some Juice

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I work at a grocery store that has a small gas station located in its parking lot. Every morning whoever opens goes and gets merchandise from inside the main store to stock our shelves, usually the supervisor. I am the mid-shift so I watch the register and help the opener stock when I can. My supervisor and I are outside stocking sodas when I see a man walking towards the mostly empty gas station with an empty juice jug in hand. I think to myself he probably just needs water for his car. I am inside the kiosk selling gas to another customer when the man with the jug approaches the window.)

    Customer: “I need to get some gas.” *starts digging in his pockets*

    Me: “And you want to put it in that?” *motions to jug*

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. It’s not a proper container. It must read ‘flammable’. We do however sell gas cans for [price].”

    (I try to steer him away from this, as it is dangerous. On top of that gas is high and he’d probably spill more than he got in his vehicle.)

    Customer: “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.”

    Supervisor: *standing right behind him* “I’m the manager out here.”

    (He took off after that, leaving his juice jug ON TOP of the garbage can.)

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