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    Out Of Gas And Out Of Patience

    | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

    (It is the winter in the 70s, when people get their gas ration for the week according to the last number on the license plate. It is around 6am, and I need to drive to the gas station, get around the line of cars waiting, and open the pump. A customer in line starts shouting at me.)

    Customer: “Hey! Kid! Quit cutting in the d*** line! I’ve been here an hour in this d*** cold! You can get your d*** gas when I’m done!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve just got to—”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that; quit cutting in the line! Get to the back!”

    (The customer proceeds to block his car in. I get out and walk to the pump. Other customers greet me by name, ask about the family, etc. Soon the irate customer pulls up to the pump.)

    Customer: “Fill it.”

    Me: *hangs the handle up* “I’m sorry, we’re out.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been sitting here running my car!”

    Me: “You should have thought of that before I had to walk up. Other customers used more gas, too. See you next week!”

    Price-Rise Of The Machines

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (We recently had a coupon printer installed that gives out coupons to customers. It says “Please take your coupon” whenever it prints.)

    Coupon printer: “Please take your coupon.”

    Customer: “NO! SHUT UP! I’M NOT TAKING MY COUPON!”

    Me: “But… don’t you want your coupon? It’s good for 50 cents off a granola bar.”

    Customer: “I would rather pay full price than do anything a robot tell me to!”

    Pre-Paying It Forward

    | Canada | Bad Behavior, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a gas station that with prepay pumps. To be clear, there are pump-toppers on all pre-pay pumps stating so, and huge signs that are about the height of an average person at the end of the pumps. I notice a customer repeatedly trying to pump without paying first, and is getting increasingly angry. I buzz him over the intercom.)

    Me: “Sir, that’s a pre-pay pump only. I’ll need you to hang up the handle and pay first. Thank you.”

    Customer: “What the f*** is that supposed to mean?!”

    Me: “It means those pumps are pre-pay only. Before you can fuel, you have to insert a credit or debit card and select how much you’d like to pump.”

    (There’s silence on the line, so I assume that the customer has understood, and is starting the transaction. However, a few minutes later, he comes storming inside looking angry.)

    Customer: “You make that pump not pre-whatever the h*** it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s locked onto pre-pay. I can’t change it; only the manager can, and he’s not in until tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I said change the f****** pump now!”

    Me: “I can’t change the pump; I’m sorry. If you continue to make a scene, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, as this is not appropriate.”

    Customer: “How about next time you put some f****** signs up, so people know that those are f****** pay first pumps!”

    Me: “How about next time you look when you drive in? There are signs the size of me at the end of all the pumps stating whether they’re pre-pay or not.”

    (There’s another pause. The customer looks a little astonished and at a loss for what to say.)

    Customer: “Well… f*** you!”

    (He turns to storm out of the store.)

    Me: “And you have a wonderful day, sir!”

    Trouble Brewing, Part 5

    | Champaign, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I am working the Friday night shift at a gas station located on the campus of a big university. The city’s liquor law prohibits the sale of alcohol after midnight. I’m working by myself at 3 am, when a customer with a look of urgency and intoxication comes barging right in.)

    Customer: “Dude, I have a huge party at my apartment and we just ran out of beer! I need like six cases!”

    Me: “Sorry, buddy, but we stop selling alcohol at midnight.”

    Customer: “I’m desperate! There are like 100 people at my place, and a ton of hot b*****! If I don’t get more beer soon, they’ll leave! I’ll give you a $20 tip if you sell me some.”

    Me: “Sorry, even if I were to try to sell you some, I couldn’t since our registers also block all sales of alcohol after midnight.”

    Customer: “How about if I just walk out with two cases, and ‘accidentally’ drop $40 on the ground on my way out?”

    Me: “That would be stealing, and I’m not okay with that.”

    Customer: “Okay, what if I stuck my hand in my pocket, and pretended to have a gun…”

    (The customer proceeds to stick hand in his jacket pocket and make it look like he’s holding me at gunpoint.)

    Customer: “…and ‘robbed’ you for some cases of beer. Then you would chase me out, and while chasing me outside, I would ‘accidentally’ drop $40?”

    Me: “I couldn’t let you do that either. First of all, I would be required to immediately call the police and file a police report for a robbery. The police would then get your face from the store cameras, easily track you down since you live close by, and put you in jail. Is this party worth going to jail over?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry for bothering you dude. I really don’t have a gun. I just wanted to get some beer for this party really bad, and didn’t want to come back empty handed. Please don’t call the cops!”

    Me: “I’ll forget this even happened if you leave immediately.”

    Customer: “See ya!”

    Me: “Bye!”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 4
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    Space-Time Is Money

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (A customer enters, walks to the middle of the store, and starts looking around.)

    Me: “You look lost.”

    Customer: “Where’s your time machine?”

    Me: “…sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Don’t you guys have a time machine?”

    Me: *laughing* “I kind of wish we did.”

    Customer: “That’s weird that you don’t have one.”

    (There is a pause.)

    Customer: “Wait, what did I say?”

    Me: “You asked for a time machine.”

    Customer: “Oh, God, I meant an ATM machine.”

    Me: “Yup, right over here.”

    Customer: “Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

    Me: “It’s alright, you made my day. Good luck finding the time machine!”


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