Sustenance In The Wilderness

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(Our store is near the university campus, right next to the dorms. I received an odd call one day.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, my daughter lives in the dorms right next to you, and I was wondering what your store is.”

Me: “It’s a gas station, and inside there’s a convenience store with soda, snacks, stuff like that.”

Caller: “Is it a grocery store?”

Me: “No…it’s a gas station and convenience store. We have chips, candy, etc. We have a fountain with soda, and also coffee.”

Caller: “So it’s a grocery store?”

Me: “No…we don’t have grocery products. We have a SMALL supply of cheap toilet paper, milk, and tampons. I doubt your daughter would come here for anything except the ATM and coffee, or gas if she drives.”

Caller: “Well, I want to make sure my daughter will be okay. What kind of store is it?”

Me: *starting to get annoyed* “It’s a gas station. There are pumps in the front to get gas at. We also have snacks. It’s a convenience store and a gas station.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. She’s away at college and I don’t know
if she’ll be okay.”

Me: “Ma’am, she’ll be fine. Have a nice day, good bye.” *hanging up*

(A few minutes later, a skinny blond girl enters the store.)

Girl: *talking on her cell phone* “Yeah, Mom, they have coffee, soda, gum, chips, and an ATM…it’s a convenience store, Mom. Yes, they sell gas – there are pumps outside!”

Me: *headdesk*

Petrol Perception

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Your pumps are a lot slower than they used to be. It never used to take this long to pump $20 of gas.”

Me: “The pump speed hasn’t decreased; it just takes longer to get to $20 now that the price of gas is half what it used to be.”

Customer: “Well, I wish it would go up again so I could fill up faster!”

Cold Hard Cash

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you guys have an ATM machine here?”

Me: “Er, no, sorry.”

Customer: “I see one right there!”

Me: “Um … that’s a telephone booth, sir.”

Customer: *squinting and walking toward it* “No, it’s an ATM.”

Me: “No. No it’s not. It’s definitely a telephone booth.”

Customer: “Oh. Well…there’s one beside it!”

Me: “That is a freezer, sir. We store ice in it to sell to campers for their coolers.”

Customer: “Why does it say ‘ice’ on it? What kind of ATM says ‘ice’?” *opening the ice box* “It’s an ice box.”

Me: ” …”

Those Darned Falling Gas Prices

| Vallejo, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!”

Me: “Is it full?”

Customer: “No, I paid for $21!”

Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.”

Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn’t full!”

(At this point I pull the nozzle out and gas comes shooting out of her tank like Coke and Mentos.)

Customer: “There’s a hole in my car, what can I do?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you’re just full.”

Customer: “WHY?! This never happens at other gas stations! I don’t understand the problem!”

No Debit, But Plenty of Loonies

| Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(At the gas station where I work, a young woman staggers in drunk and tries to buy a bag of chips on debit.)

Me: “Okay, that will be $1.35 on debit.”

(The customer picks up the pin pad and proceeds to swipe a quarter through the slot.)

Me: “Um… ma’am?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “That’s a quarter.”

Customer: “Yes, I know. For some reason it won’t work. Is this thing turned on?”

Me: “But… that’s… that’s not a debit card. Do you have a debit card?”

Customer: “I’m TRYING! But it won’t work!”

Me: “It’s plastic? Kinda rectangle shaped? Has your bank name on it?”

Customer: “Why won’t it work?”

Me: “You know what? I don’t think that one is working. Do you have another one? Sometimes these machines won’t like a card for no real reason. It happens.”

Customer: “Oh ya? I get that at my work too…”

(She proceeds to put away the quarter and pulls out a loonie instead.)

Me: “Ma’am, I think I see the problem now. All of our card systems are down. They must have crashed with all the people buying things today. Do you have cash instead?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem.” *pulls out 20 dollar bill* “Keep the change. It’s only a few dollars anyway. I don’t want it….”

Me: “Sure, thanks!”

(She wanders off to pass out in the bathroom for 3 hours but I just couldn’t bring myself to call the cops on her.)

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